


Just Go

by iKONislife



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: F/M, ceo hanbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:52:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 57,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iKONislife/pseuds/iKONislife





	1. Chapter 1

“Why are you so good to me?”

“Simple. Seeing your smile makes letting things go that much easier.”

The way he said it, with such ease and pure happiness made you ponder if it was always this easy to love someone. 

Your mind races at light speed retracing every second that had led you to this point, to this moment of clarity. It was not even 12 hours ago that you thought such sentence wouldn’t even still be reserved for your ears as you trekked down the long hallway leading to his office. After all, what guy would wait for a girl so broken that she rejected him for the 9th time in the year and a half since he first confessed on the basis of not wanting to get hurt again. Deep down you knew he’d be your stableness but when times came, you were ready for all but say yes. 

His friendship remained the same and the word ‘girlfriend’ was nothing but a distant memory from 6 months ago, since the last time he confessed. You’d liked to think it was because of his increased work load but you knew better. You’ve seen the way he flirted with girls at company parties, eyes so primal they resembled a lion stalking for prey. You had convinced yourself it was the alcohol but again, you knew better. He wasn’t the type to bring you as a date only to abandon you for the tall blonde that practically gave him a lap dance in front of everyone. Honestly with the way his hands ghosting over just the right part of her body with just enough touch to be flirtatious but not enough to earn ire from everyone else, you were pretty certain what he does all those night you thought he had headed home alone after dropping you off at the safety of your own apartment. Hot with liquor, you ran off into the night only to be pulled back into that safe embrace and the voice that melt your organ faster than the poison burning inside your gut.

“What’s wrong?” He had said.

“Nothing except maybe I freaking love you but clearly, you changed your type…” Was what you wanted to say. Instead, the most pathetic “Nothing” slipped out along with a sad smile as you backed away from the place you wanted to be most, in his arms. This marked your first fail attempt of confessing. 

God, you’re so useless Y/N… All you gotta say is ‘I love you, Hanbin’ and you couldn’t even do that. Five freaking times, seriously. You groan internally staring up at the intimidating hallway, feeling like a guilty employee waiting to be fired. Then again, if you can’t build upon failures, if you can’t use it as stepping stones then what’s the point in life. right, Mr. Johnny Cash?

Calling upon the wisdom of the deceased, your sweaty palms shakily ball into a fist before the most pitiful knock vibrated through the air. It wouldn’t be truthful to say that you hadn’t hope the timid knock would evade his ears but alas, the stern voice commanding “come in” shredded that option. 

“Finished with work?” you asked, awkwardly shuffling into the big room that would put the Oval Office to shame. Luckily, he was too busy hunching over the ornate wooden desk to notice your ridiculous tottering self trying to decide where to sit. 

“Unfortunately, no… This dumb ass from the financial department messed up some numbers for the meeting tomorrow night pretty badly. I’m gonna have to correct everything myself. What’s up?”

You were almost glad he spoke up as that lit a fire under your butt to pick a destination. Settling down quickly on the couch, you had felt that 5th cup of tea slowly creeping its way back up your throat before exclaiming loudly, not giving your stomach a chance to regurgitate. 

“Can I come over there?”

Unsure of what the hell you were thinking, you winced before a confused Hanbin waved you over with an uncertain chuckle, not sparing you even a glance.

“What the hell kind of question was that? Of course you can… freak!”

Your feet began their longest, most treacherous trip to the desk a mere few feet away. Pep talking yourself the whole way through, though, all your worries and thoughts suddenly dissipated the moment your eyes hooked onto the lines of his jaw like a baited fish. Even after working practically all day, he still looked as ravishing as ever. 

The way his agile fingers skillfully scribble signatures after signatures never ceased to amaze you. If it wasn’t giving out John Hancock, the slender digits would rummage through the perfectly made brown locks, messing them up just a bit. The way he rolled his lower lips between the rows of pearly white got you mirroring the action, eyes now following the soft finger pads rubbing the furrowing eyebrows after finding the documents aren’t to his liking. Perfectionist this one is. His eyes bloodshot from the strains put on by the bright screen while yours strained on him, worrying that the timing may simply be wrong.

No, it had to be now. In fact, you were convinced if you didn’t do it now that you’d never. Shaking a firm fist to motivate yourself, you sneaked over to the unsuspecting victim and threw your arms around his neck, cheek resting gingerly against his. None of your action fazed him at this point, he was all too used to your friendly affection and innocent skin-ship. Ultimately, he was just being selfish. The night had been too long, too morose for the young boy hard at work that any warm touch would be welcome, especially one from his favorite girl. Simply coining this as one of those night you were feeling alone at home craving for human interaction and he was much too lonely in the big office surrounding by nothing but pulseless cold objects, he questioned your intention sarcastically, anticipating nothing but silliness from you.

“What’s up monkey? So clingy today. Are you planning on killing me with love?”

His eyes never once left the paper but his hand trailed off its task just long enough to pat your cheek affectionately.

“Did I ever tell you that you look freakishly handsome in a suit? Like godly good.”

Silliness he expected, silliness he got as your poor nerve had gave in for the umpteenth time this week leaving you complimenting him like an idiot.

“Yes, a few times too many. I don’t appreciate the lust in your eyes by the way, staring at me like I’m food. Again, Why so clingy?”

“Nothing!”

You declared in the cutest voice you could muster, a bit sickening really as you mentally note to never use that voice again. Now what he hadn’t forecasted was the big, wet kiss you had just smacked against the soft skin of his cheek before running off. 

His head shot up alarmingly fast, shocked by your action. Your fondness for him had never gone past the occasion cuddles when either of you have an especially hard day and that was all it was - pure, innocent comforting. This in a way was too much for him. For a split second the corners of his lips curl up in a satisfying smile that his girl was giving him affection after a long day of work before frowning once again at the realization you’re not his. Hanbin had, to him, a nasty habit of getting lost in your ingenuous, without meaning touches that has him selfishly pretending you’re his girl. What’s the harm, to the world, you both look just like a couple strutting down the street hand in hand glee with love. To you, he’s just a good friend offering some peace of mind and support whenever, wherever. Harmless until moments like these where the line between reality and his dream blurred so obscurely he could feel his heart being elating with hope only to await the prick of the pin of your rejection at the end of the line. With a loud clank of the pen dropping out of his stilled hand, he had gotten up out of his seat and was now fast steading toward you. 

“What the hell was that?”

He stared at you, wide eyes, mouth gaped open for the whole world to see. Those eyes, as dead as they were from being a few minutes away from the clock striking twelve, you could tell he was burning through all the scenarios in his head of what your kiss could mean, steaming to study every details like a cop assessing a murder scene. Always at the right time, your words failed you. You opened your mouth as if to say something but quickly closing it as you had no good way of easing into the nerve wrecking conversation.

“Start talking. You don’t just go kiss people then say nothing.”

Frustration taut on his forehead, his voice without maybe even him realizing it went firm. You knew this was no time to back out as this wasn’t the gentle Hanbin you had come to love. This was calm and willful version of him that will go to great length to get what he want, the version that instilled fear upon his subordinates. Hell, he could make even the baddest of of the bad cry with that cold, haughty stare.

“Go on a date with me.” You said it with such determination that it shook the big boss out of his routine. Or perhaps it was really just the fact that you wanted to date.

“What?!”

He practically screamed as your voice reduced down to a small squeak, eyes avoiding his at any cost as you cower further into the couch, wishing to blend in with the background.

“Date… You.. Me…”

His visage soften back at the clear fright visible in your small, retreating form. After all, he had never needed to use his work voice with you.

“Like, like as in… b..boy and girl? like date-date?”

He stammered, stared at you confusedly but a hand already reaching out to move a stray clump of hair away from your forehead. 

“Hanbin, what other kind is there?”

Your confident diminished with every question he threw your way, that is if you even had any to begin with. You had hope he’d just take your word and you could both be on your merry way but instead he decided to play 21-questions, making your life just that much harder.

“Well, we’ve done date-ish things before… I had to be sure. What?! Why?”

Your eyes faltered, oblivious of the glint of hope and joy that had took over for the vanishing tiredness in his.

“Uhm, sorry… Forget it, it’s alright really. It was just a thought…a bad one…”

Silent fell over your face, softly contorting it to a slight discomfort, an awkward depressing laugh puffed out of your chest leaving the surrounding drab. Even though his reaction hurt, you felt light. Light that you had finally gotten what you wanted to say off your chest. At least now your weary mind can rest even if your heart weren’t reciprocated how it wanted to be.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have come… You’re so busy and i’m just spewing nonsense. I’ll see you later, yea?”

Brimming tears threatening to fall, you got up as quickly as he had sat down, destination set. 

“Uh uh. No, not so fast. Sit your pretty butt back down.”

Still avoiding his gaze, you bit your lips in regret. Regret of bringing this up so long after he had given up. Regret in coming here. Just regret. You wanted nothing more but to bolt out of there but nevertheless, you obliged. 

Couldn’t bear to see his expression, you looked anywhere but him. The quiet so deafening even the white noise bowed out. Body shivering from the icy air or the lacked of any reaction from Hanbin, you couldn’t discerned. You had been readied to give up and ran when the familiar pair of strong arms you’d recognize even if you were to go blind reached out to cut the tension so high strung through your body. 

“You’re being serious with me right now?” Hanbin cooed so softly into your ear as he rest his chin on your shoulder, arms desperate to hold you in place.

“If you had to ask then…”

Currently sitting in his lap, you thought about getting off but it would’ve been as useful as a sprinkler in the rain. The hold he had around your waist was too strong, not in the physical sense but in the emotional Heimlich kind of way, much too comforting for your enervate body to pull away.

“Hey, come on. Running away is not gonna do either of us any good. I never said i don’t want to, just very curious about your sudden interest in me. That’s all.”

God know what gotten into you but what you said next, you knew, and so did he, better than anyone that you had no right to ask.

“Have I ever questioned your feeling for me?”

“Oh, that’s not fair” An almost automated soundless gasp came. “How many times have you turned me down already.”

You winced, knowing full well you had brought this upon yourself. You wished so hard that he’d ask you again after the first time, that maybe if he would then you’ll say yes. However, after the second, then third, then the 9th time, you could see the dejection so clearly behind that understanding smile. You knew there wouldn’t be a 10th time and he knew you would never say yes, not to him.

“I’m serious, Hanbin. I know it seems so stupid and, and hypocritical for me to be doing this after pushing you away so many time but I really did thought long and hard about it. I mean, god, this is my 6th attempt since that night after the party and like an hour circling your building before I could even show up here. I’m sure the cop thought I was casing the place so I could rob you. and what did I do… I resorted to kissing you then run away because none of the rehearsed line would come out. I’m a nervous wreck, Hanbin. I almost threw up onto the night guard, in the elevator, in front of your door, on you just now… I. I…”

Your feeble heart vomited all over the place only to once again failed to finish the wonderful speech that would’ve made stone cry. Shoving your face so deep onto your palms you make out the life lines, you let yourself melt under the tender hand rubbing warmth up and down your back. 

“Yes.”

With one simple word, he reeled you back into reality. Finally finding the courage to look him in the face, you immediately found yourself getting lost in those beautiful brown eyes before sinking yourself into him. As always, his hold on you tighten, embracing away all your pain and doubts.

“You’re seriously too cute, you know that? six times? Wow, I must be some catch huh?” 

The dulcet tone, the melodious voice, all was back along with the smile that was no longer contained but beamed even brighter than the light pollution outside.

“Hanbin~ don’t tease me.”

“Okay, baby. I’m just excited, that’s all.”

He exhaled the word so effortlessly, as if it’s second nature, as if you were always his “baby”.

“Excuse me but we haven’t even gone on a date. You can’t say that yet.”

“Oh, shut up. Yes, I can. Babyy.”

Rolling your eyes hard at him just being him, you couldn’t help but be elated at the way it sound, the connotation, the thought of you being his. Lifting your chin softly off his shoulder, he moved your lips to match his, closing the small space in between. 

It started out soft, like the way the wind of spring tickle your skin through the flight of countless cherry blossom petals. His lips, soft like cloud but plump like the best ripen peach of the summer, pressing then pulling. With a tilt of the head, he deepen the contact, mouth needfully moulding against yours so slowly but firm and sure of what it wanted. Fingers in a tangled mess with your hair, his grip grew firm pulling your face even closer, wanting more, needing more. He was so feverish in this long awaited kiss that not even the literal breath taking contact could satisfy his craving. Whatever frost was ravaging your body earlier, his kiss sent them away, replacing them with fire. Orange. that was the only color flashing through your mind, shades of orange. Your body felt like a freshly fallen leaf of autumn, drifting through the wind unsure of where you’d end up at but you couldn’t care less. All you wanted is to enjoy the ride while the rest of the world burst up in flames of brilliant ombre of red, orange, and yellow. Without any warning, his tongue thrusted roughly into your parted lips, ravaging the inside with sensual licks. Yours quickly find itself welcoming his, taking in the bitterness of coffee that was much more pleasurable than the bitterness of the harsh winter outside. His fingers digging into the small of your back, kneading the soft flesh skillfully while his lips devoured yours for a few more minutes only parting by necessity of air. Panting softly, dizzy from kissing for so long, dizzy from his love, you rest your forehead against his, a small smile curling up to match his.

“I’m suppose to be working, babe. What are you making me do?”

He asked, landing a quick teasing peck before running his thumb across the swollen, red lips. Exhaustion evident from the way he broke away to lean back on the soft couch, head lulled to one side, eyes half lidded perhaps not from tiredness but drunken in love.

“You don’t seems to mind. Plus aren’t I dating the boss? Can’t you issue make out time with a wave of your hand?”

Not realizing that the neuron of your brain had command the sentence to be said aloud, embarrassed and shocked, you timidly played with his tie, avoiding his teasing gaze.

“Abusing my power already huh?”

“I don’t like that you’re overworking yourself. You need rest. If me distracting you mean your cute butt can relax then yea, I’ll abuse your power some more.” 

“Well break time is definitely well within the realm of my power, your lips sadly are not. you’re gonna bleed if you keep up with the distraction.”

You walked your fingers from his abs up to his chest before gripping his chin gingerly in place.

“I don’t mind one bit.” 

Instead of going back in for another kiss, you nibble along his lower lips, earning a low sexy groan. After a particularly harsh bite, you pulled away leaving him hissing in pleasure.

“Damn, you know how to play.”

“I try.” You gave a kittenish response, happily let your body fall into the arms of your new found love. You were finally readied to give up on the past, to let Hanbin caress you into a new life, you were ready… 

“Are we really doing this? or is this just some pity party for turning me down so many time?”

His sentence, as clear and plain as it was sent a big pang to your heart. Your body rose up, getting ripped away from his warmth by the cruel mistress of winter. You knew it would take time to convince him but you weren’t prepared for the doubts, the way he questioned your feeling. Eyes diverging to the lights that would’ve been too assaulting to the eyes but now subdued from being on the 15th floor, dimly shone through the floor to ceiling window just behind that grand desk. Your words littered the path away from him, eventually trailing off once the cool glass relieved the hot tears on your cheeks.

“Look, Hanbin… I understand your reservation about ‘us’ and it’s all my fault. It took a lot for me to, to finally laid myself out for you to see, to pick at, to criticize. I know I deserve whatever dirty laundry you got to air out with me but please be honest with me. I’d rather you hurt me now th.. the… Uhm. sorry…”

Your already meek voice muted by the spark from the soft fingers lightly caressing the round of your shoulders, briskly spinning you back into the safety of his hold. You wanted to stand firm but every pass of his fingers, every squeeze his hand gave, every touch laid upon your body melt you into oblivion and you found yourself instinctively rest upon his strong chest.

“Hey, hey…. Come on, you know I don’t mean it like that. I would never hurt you. It’s just everything is so unreal. When you called, I hadn’t exactly expect much let alone having my dream girl pestering me for a date. It just take a minute, you know.”

“I know, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m so sorry.”

“Let’s put that pout away, huh. How bout we do that date right now?”

“No, you have to work. Plus you’re worn.”

“Nah, I’m never tired when I’m with you. I’m the boss right? and right now, the boss needs a date to recharge for the long work hours. I think I know the perfect coffee shop. It’s on the lower end but got great food, open all night…”

You knew exactly where this was going. If you were to ever become Hanbin’s sworn enemy, you knew for certain what he would always have over your head, the very day you tangled yourself in the mess that is the friendship with Kim Hanbin.

“Hmm, oh yea? and how’d you find this place huh, rich boy?”

“Just this weird girl I met once. She damaged my reputation then paid me in cheap coffee.”

Even with your face buried deep in the fabric of his shirt you could practically felt the smirk that was blooming on his face. Not really up to relent the addicting cologne mixed with Hanbin’s very distinct scent that had only intensified after a long day of work, you kept still. Muffling out a haphazard answer, you just wanted to prolong this perfect moment with your perfect boy and the perfect view over the bustling night life below.

“Sound quite atrocious, this girl. Did you get rid of her?”

“Oh! Not. A. Chance. I’m keeping her for eternity.”

“My beautiful girl” Hanbin sighed contently, that small smirk never left his lips as he pulled away just enough to let you onto those beautiful pools of brown that twinkled just a bit brighter than the illuminating skyline outside. Not bothering to pack up the organized chaos strewn atop the wooden furnitures, he held your hands in his, proudly and confidently bursted into the world outside knowing whatever happens from now on, it’ll be you and him. Neither of you will feel live another cold lonely while you’re both here.

“Did your brothers dusted you for fingerprint last night when you got home?”

Your eyes met with the cheekiest smile accompanied by the cutest little dimple that only seemed to magnify the playfulness he possessed. His eyes sparked with curiosity, pulling you close, full lips pressed lightly against your winter bitten cheek. Both your heart beat as one, still elated with the coziness and wavering nerve of your late night first date a mere 8 hours ago. Taking Hanbin’s outstretched hand, both of you retreated back to the private pleasantness behind the closed door, isolating yourselves against the gloomy world outside. Not that it mattered much where you were, with him, you could be in a dumpster and it’d still feel fuzzy and warm. 

The evidences of your late night fun that had both of you arriving home closer to sunrise than sunset was well displayed by the lack of the well cut suits that was the norm for your statuesque boyfriend. His usual dapper gentleman image replaced with simple ripped jeans, t-shirt, and a heavenly soft black cardigan. The long locks that was so often pushed back was now soft and lax, having the short undercut below playing peek-a-boo. To the world, he was Kim Hanbin, successor of perhaps the biggest corporation in the country; a cold, haughty, calculated person and maybe just a bit too good at his job for someone so young. To say this all too familiar image of him to you shocked the whole company would be to say the least. It wasn’t strange for Hanbin to show up at work with you under his arms so all those stares, all those whispers, all the soft squeals from the young female employees were sure for the soft, fluffy boyfriend look that to them was non-existent. 

The Hanbin you know was the mischievous and cheerful yet sensitive softy underneath all that icy facade. Who could blame him for those cold, and bitchy stares when his day job is being the best in the dog eats dog world that he got thrown in at a tender age of 20. No matter how much in love you were with this version of Hanbin or how many times he had reassured you, guilt was something you couldn’t denied for jeopardizing his health and work by keeping him out so late. Having clearly only arrived home for haste shower and a quick change, he was already back to assume the big boss role.

“You know it! God, I swear if it was up to them, I wouldn’t know the existent of boys till I’m 30.”

You retorted with a roll of the eyes, jokingly dodging a few kisses flying your way, elicited his sweet laughter to chase yours. 

“Excuse me, mister. I don’t think your behavior is appropriate. We’ve only been on one date and I don’t even know you like that yet. Sir, Please calm yourself. My mother would be so disappointed with this type of behavior from a proper gentleman such as you are.”

You stated, factually. Pressing your index digit against his soft lips, you let your giggle mingled with his. Your retaliation seemed to only riled him up even more has his arms were now working toward caging your whole body against his, forcing his way into the crook of your neck, trailing small pecks down your collar bone. 

“Ohh, I see what you’re doing. Just stay still and let me love you!”

Jokes and play fights weren’t anything new in your friendship, it’s only natural that it carried over to your newly hatched relationship. Countless times before while laying there breathless from laughing so hard with you still under his hold, he’d make you promise no matter what happen, you’ll make sure he never lose the childlike wonder. It was the only thing he had left to hold him back, to prevent the cutthroat world of business to consume him whole. Smacking kisses loudly on your cheek, he completely ignored your disgusted groans from the wet contacts, shrill laugh teared through your eardrums.

“Well, I’m sure the boy knew you existed you…”

Nuzzling his face gently against your hair, you felt a long sniff before he warmly cooed the sentiment against your shoulder. Whether it be excitement or nervousness, he sailed through that sentence faster than the brilliant shooting stars he had once brought you to see simply because you were feeling down. Or perhaps he had half heartedly hoped you wouldn’t catch the coquettish remark that weren’t of his usual forte. Compliments weren’t a strange occurrence with Hanbin. You lost count of all the time his words brought out the rosiness in your face faster than the whipping wind of winter. “beautiful”, “gorgeous” weren’t anything new but cheesy pick up lines are something of a mythical being. At this point, you were pretty certain they’re non-existing in Hanbin’s brain. A small gasp passed your lips as you tried your best to struggle your way through to get a better view of the handsome face under those messy yet beautiful locks. 

Hanbin, the sweetest man in the world, capable of just about anything but if flirting was a sport, he’d definitely come last. Despite looking like a sex god with that intense, sharp stare and the cocky seductive smile. Body, envied by even the most well paid model. Hell, he’d put any human being on their Earth to shame. Yet, the boy couldn’t be more like an inexperienced puppy. He could make everyone from the interns to the cruelest of business partners, no matter the gender, swoon so hard they barely know what happened by just the curl of his lips into a spine chilling smirk. Yet rarely did you ever see that side of him. As oppose to the complexity of the big man fitting of running a company, Hanbin, the real him is simple. For him, love should be something innocent and in a way, blunt. Not a man of many words and never one for hidden agenda, Hanbin always calls things out as they are. 

One look and you can tell how much he wished to just dig a hole, climb under, and never come back out again. Wondering why the hell was he so hot with that goofy smile blooming on his lips. Staring now at that sheepish grin blooming on his lips, that sweaty palm, the cute nervous giggle, the way his eyes couldn’t stay in one place, you were reminded of exactly why.

It was simple. He was just being him.

You love hanbin the way he is and no money in the world could convince you otherwise.

“Kim Hanbin, was that a line? Are you going cute on me right now?”

You stared at the bashful boy hiding his wonderful face behind the sweater paws. Nothing in this world prepared you for the day Hanbin decided to run a line by you. Caught off guard would be a severe understatement.

“Holy crap. Oh my God, it was!! Look at you, baby. All blushing.”

“Stooppp, babe~”

He warned you timidly, voice trailed off as embarrassment settled in. Your amusement only rocketed off the chart even more when the whining began. Ruffling up his dark chestnut locks, you devised a plan to get a peek at the shy boy. Kisses seemed to work as the barrier blocking you from your love loosen up a bit.

“Hey, I don’t get game laid on me often okay? Let me have this moment, please!”

To combat the endless amount of giggle pouring out from your lungs, he gave another loud muffled groan, digging his face deeper into your back as if he could teleport out of there. What to do but to poked and prodded at his side the best you could until he gave up loud high pitch yelps for help. Not one to back down from a fight, the hands that were so peacefully rested against your stomach began piano their way upward to your weak spots, ripping the atmosphere with your crisp laughter. Knowing if you were to ever die from any unnatural causes, it’d be from tickling, he always used it to his advantage. At the slightest touch of the soft finger pads, he sent you slumping over onto the plush velvet couch, kicking and screaming for your life.

“Now, I am very sorry that I can’t be one of those cute, suave boyfriend all the time for you. But, what i cannot, will not be sorry for is that your little butt think you can somehow win a tickle fight against me.”

His voice oozed with confident, unlike the shy small voice earlier. Your soul smiled satisfyingly knowing your plan to get him to relax worked, nothing like a play fight to bring the kid out of him.

“Alright, I’ll stop… No, please babe. I’ll stop teasing you!”

“Promise you’ll be good?”

“Yes, babe. No, not my thigh… HANBINNN. I’ll do anything.”

Nearly died choking from the laughter piling up inside your throat that was pushing their way out, you curled your body up admitting defeat. Once you managed to suppressed the ugly guffaw only Hanbin seems to be able to brought out, he gingerly laid atop your body as your words turned serious.

“I’m serious though. Don’t worry about your game or, or being cute for me. You’re always effortlessly cute even if you don’t realize it. If I were to fall for any games, it’d definitely be yours…”

Finally abled to entrap his full focus, his relentless hands ceased their teasing as your enticing sentence faded off. Serene came back to his alluring features once the pure, comforting silent sinked back over the room. Brushing a few strands matted to your face from the sweat remnant of earlier fun, his lips lingered, hovering just a hair above yours. Waiting patiently for the ending of that sentence that could quench his thirst for your love, a content smile shined on his face.

“… Plus, I’m already yours. Aren’t I?”

If any smile in this world that could heal the Earth, it’d be his. That cute gummy grin that slowly chipped away the frost in your heart found itself blinding you. The way the corners of his lips reacted faster than his brain could, quickly reaching up to reveal those perfect pearly whites only to dipped back down coyly into a small bashful grin. You could always tell the genuine nervousness of by the way those pink, plush lips would occasionally get quickly graze over by his tongue, trying its best to contain itself from the overwhelming excitement. His eyes, so kind and caring yet just a smidgen of playfulness showing through making the whole experience unparalleled. As if your heart haven’t beat fast enough, there’s the dimple that topped off the whole cake that is his ridiculously unreal smile.

With that cheerful expression, his eyes indecisive of their destination tearing themselves apart between your eyes and lips. Something about this shy reaction tugged hard at our heartstrings, sending the most genuine warmth that could only be rivaled by that carefree sunny day when your love for him were still under wraps. You had spent the day happily roaming the colorful field of flowers behind his countryside vacation home, hand in hand under the energetic summer sky. Helping him along, your hands cupped his cheek softly, holding his attention in place with a soft smile of your own.

“I might have seemed less than interested last night when you asked but believe me, I thought my exultant heart was going to explode from beating so fast. I know you already said you’re mine but there’s uhm something I wanna ask…”

Once the confident regained, his heart and soul reached up to you by means of his soothing voice that always dropped deeper than normal when he gets serious, making it even more pleasurable to the ears.

“Be mine forever?”

Offering his whole world, a comforting hand to guide you through whatever hardships to come; and he done it in a way that was so him, heartfelt and simple. 

“Always”

To commemorate the moment, his lips finally closed the distance. Unlike the heated, ravaging make out session the night before, this was caring and innocent, reflecting much of what is Hanbin. His touch so light and gentle yet the biggest impact was felt by your whole existent, shattering whatever left of that box you had locked your fragile heart away in.

“Mine. Kim Hanbin is mine, forever. I like that.”

“Me too, girlfriend.” Softly burying himself into the crook of your neck, he let himself murmurs the long waited name he had been dreaming about calling you since the fated day you met.

“Why are you so good to me?”

Much to your perplexity, he chuckled in amusement as if it was something so obvious, clear as day but somehow alluded your understanding.

“Simple. Seeing your smile makes letting things go that much easier. At the end of the day, I know no matter how tumultuous life gets from here on out, I can always count on your smile being the thing that save me. I’ve been at this job for awhile now and it drains me. Ever since you stepped into my life, I go to work with a smile on my face. That’s a lot more than I could ever ask for. An uncomplicated life where I can confidently live because I have love, your love.”

Whispered gleefully, he peeled off pressing a big kiss onto your smiling lips. Letting his eyes fluttered close, head rested on your chest, he let his soul mingled with its possibly life long partner. Mirroring his action, you closed your eyes, letting out a content sigh.

I’m home again.

It’s a bit ridiculous that tonight already marks two years since you let the red strings connecting your existences tangled with each other. You could only guess this is how fast life past when you’re happy. Every second spent with him had been so wondrous that you couldn’t help but be nostalgic on a special night like this. Learning to be with Hanbin had never been hard. He made it so utterly effortless to love him and everything he does. Sitting here, getting all dolled up for another milestone in your relationship, you could barely contain your joy. Who would’ve thought the young boy you bulldozed over so many Christmas ago would become the stars to your night.

“What’s so funny about putting on lipstick, baby? I wanna know! I demand you let your boyfriend know, now!”

As always, high strung and overly excited about the most mundane things you do. Sauntering over from the bathroom, he’s busily cuffing the shirt that had to have been cut for his body because by god, he looks absolutely ravishing. Still marveling at the magnificent person you have the honor of calling your man, you completely ignore the fact that you should’ve been readied by now, and not recalling old memories. Repeating his question once more, he snakes his arms around your torso, pulling you back into a hug.

“I was just remembering old stuff. Do you remember how we met?” You ask, fingers fidgeting with the tub of lipstick in front of his wide doe eyes.

“THAT’S RIGHT!” he exclaims, nearly shock the soul out of you. “You kissed me even before asking for my name! It was this exact color, it was this exact color wasn’t it.” His eyes spark with the utmost delight recalling the fond yet quite literally painful event.

“Oh my god, don’t get so full of yourself. It was an accident. I did not kiss you, mister. My lips just, you know, happened to landed on you chest.”

Glaring hard, you push him off your body but not without resistant. The needy pair of arms still entangling themselves, trying to keep your body close.

“Yea, yea. And marked me, on my brand new white shirt. Is that how you flirt? going around marking devastatingly handsome stranger with lipstick? My bum still hurt thinking about it.”

A cute pout forms on the handsome face. His hand guiding yours, he smooths it over his back side much to your protest.

“Ey, stop fighting. I know you wanna touch my butt. I see you staring, stop acting like you hate it.”

Sending a thunderous smack to his bottom, you pull away to finish your make up, letting yourself lost in the old endearing memories through his words.

It was a day like any other in the cruel cold of December. The road slicked with ice and air bitter with the skin piercing wind. Unlike the rest of the crowd casually strutting the street, enjoying the twinkling lights and the colorful decoration, you stood out like a sore thumb. Racing down the street, you did your best to stay up right. Working a retail job in the make up department had never been easy but something about the tis’ the season to consumerism that made everything a whole lot worse. The rigorous training you were put through meticulously prepared you for absolutely everything and anything, down to zombie apocalypse and the 3 layers thick makeup as per required by the rule. What it didn’t do was prepping for the holiday rush that would make Santa and his elves spin with craziness. Nearly losing an arms and both legs from the constant needy grabbing hands of customers, you were officially delayed another 30 minutes from your usual shift end. 

I can walk. What in the world make you think that was a good idea. Ugh

Mocking yourself for turning down you brother’s offer of his car this morning, you teared your eyes away from the impossible sardine packed bus pulling away from the curb, footstep continued fast. Not even having enough time to change or getting rid of the gaudy makeup, all you could think of was getting to class on time. Ignoring the cold whipping your face into numbness and vision darkening, you picked up your speed. Depending on what time it was, there was a slight chance you haven’t missed too much of the class. You hastily pulled your phone out of your pocket just enough to see the soft white numbers on the screen before everything went black

\- 6:15 PM -

Groaning loudly, you pushed yourself off the surprisingly soft, warm ground. Still sitting, you dusted yourself off and checked for injury before a sudden intruding thought drawn all the blood from your body.

Wait, we’re dead in the middle of December, on the sidewalk. So why is whatever i’m sitting on so war- 

Glancing downward, your face practically burned itself off from the mortifying, awkward position you seemed to have put yourself in. You were neatly perched atop a young stunning guy in red flannel, straddling across just the right part of his body.

“Excuse me, miss. I don’t think my father would approve of this style of behavior from such a proper young lady such as you are. I mean we’ve barely met. I don’t even know your name, yet the position we’re in…”

The most mischievous smirks perked up in between words, yanking you out of the shocked induced silent. The loudest gasp left your mouth as your soul exited your body from the inquisitive eyes and teasing giggles of a few high schoolers passing by. To worsen it all, a few elders struggling around the icy road still had enough time to spare a few disproval shakes of the head.

“SHIT. I am so so so sorry!”

“Now that we’ve established that you’re apologetic, can you maybe let me up?”

Muttered another “sorry”, you hopped off the toned body checking yourself a second round for scruffs and scratches. Your relieved smile faltered as your eyes matched perfectly with the burgundy lip print smacked dab in the middle of his chest, bright contrast against the crisp white shirt hiding under the heavy, long black coat. Another loud gasp left your lungs as your hands clasped tight over your mouth in pure shock. Judging from the way this guy dressed, head to toe in brands, he was made of money. No way in hell would you ever be able to compensate for the damage of ruining his close to godliness shirt that probably costed more than your liver and kidney combined. 

Having been so busy examining the small scratch on his hand, his attention snatched away by the air leaving your body.

“Why are you gasping no- Oh, I see.” His voice serious, hands on hips, eyes strained on the lip print.

“Well, someone gotta take responsibility for this here.” The devilishly handsome smirk still presented on his lips as his hand circled the obvious spot. I mean, I was just gonna let you go with a warning. You know, seeing how it’s so close to the holiday, getting my good deed of the year in but now…” Smacking his lips, he gave a regrettable looks. 

“I’m so sorry. I, uhh, I’ll do what I can. I mean, you have to excuse me, i’m still in school… I don’t have that much money.”

Your voice trailed off to something dismal, not by the embarrassment of your status that was paled in comparison to the 1% shiningly glaring in front of you but the thought of having done something you would never be able to make up for. Eyes averting his intense gaze, your head dipped low, sighing 

“Nah, don’t worry about money. Cash isn’t a problem for me. I really appreciate you being honest with me though, not much of that going around these days.” 

As his voice simmered, you could see a cloud of despondency clotted the previously clear eyes as the word “honest” left his teeth. Quickly regaining his quirk, with a clear of the throat, he continued on as though nothing had happened.

“ My reputation is on the line here. I can’t be walking around known as the guy that got marked and run by some strange but quite breathtaking stranger. Come on, the damage is done. Are you really going to leave me here wondering about who you are late at nights when I can’t sleep?”

Both grateful for his nonchalantness on the severity of the damage and bewildered at his eccentric self, the driest chuckle spewed out.

“You’re kidding me. I don’t suppose you want to grab a coffee?”

“Impressive. Cute and a mind reader!”

A heavy slap to your shoulder nearly sent you flying back onto the cold ground. You sighed, pushed out a breathy defeated laugh at his pathetic but somehow cute attempt at a wink, knowing he won this round.

“Man, somebody gotta teach you how to wink. Last I checked, you wink with one eye, not both. You uh get girls with that?”

“Hey, it worked fine for the last 20 years. You owe me, remember? Last I checked, I’m only doing this because you damaged me, alright? Plus, you spilled the one I had.”

Sighing seemed to be your favorite activity of the day because another lungs full of air left your mouth loudly. Eyeing the sad puddle of dark liquid pooling by his feet and the dented cup, you knew there was no way to get out of this. All and all, you were just glad he didn’t asked for something heavier.

“Fine. Just a warning, I’m not made of gold and silver spoon fed like someone here so can we keep the coffee shop on the lower end please. I can’t be going into a life long debt for you.”

You were somewhat done with his teasing words by this point and just wanted to move on with your day.

“Then next time don’t go bulldozing people over then dry hump them in public.”

“I didn- whatever. you’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Smug doesn’t even began to cover the expression that was dancing on the God sculpted features.

“I know I am. Come on, don’t be mad. I’m just having a bit of Christmas cheer. It’s not exactly abundant for me lately. Why were you in such a hurry anyways? if you don’t mind me asking.”

Reality finally settled in, you slapped your forehead in shock.

“Oh fuck, my class. Damn it, stranger. You made me missed my class.”

“It’s Hanbin and you did that all on your own. What do I call you, little clumsy girl?”

He retorted snappily, faked anger radiating from the arms raising as if he’s trying to make himself bigger, as if the almost 6 foot tall towering over you isn’t big enough.

“It’s Y/N and you’re taking responsibility for me failing my class.”

It was his turn to sigh in defeat as there was no backing down for you either. After all, why should you take crap from some guy that for all you know, could be a swindler.

“Fine, fine. How about this? If by the end of your school year and you fail your class. Provided I somehow tolerate your ass for that long without driving myself insane and bet off all my fortune, I’ll do whatever to compensate you. Deal??”

“Deal!” You exclaimed cheerfully taking his large hand for a pinky swear before trudging off toward the small coffee shop you’ve spent countless sleepless nights mulling a cup, or maybe 6, over final study.

“So is it like a normal daily occurrence for you to knock over stranger or is it a one time thing?”

“You’re an idiot, Hanbin.”

Snapping back to reality, you take advantage of the still dazed boy staring at himself in the mirror while grinning like an idiot recalling the fond memory, you smack a big kiss on his cheek. Smirking proudly at the mark left behind, much life the one that started the best friendship you have, you ignore a flailing whining Hanbin complaining loudly about ruining his moment.

“Babe, must you go and mark me all the time? I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I got laughed at that day after coffee with you because you put pink Hello Kitty bandaids all over my hand.”

Groaning loudly, he pushes you out of the way with one swift move to get a closer look in the mirror. Whining like a toddler, his fingers furiously wiping at the dark muted re prints on his pale skin, only he was just making it much worse.

“ You’re such an idiot, would you had rather I left it bleeding everywhere? Your secretaries told me they were just snickering a lil bit, not laughing. Plus what’s wrong with that? You’re mine. Think of it as a warding charm. Lord know how many girls’ and guys’ panties you cream a day just from walking by.”

“Stop calling me idiot. I know I am one sometimes but ugh… Babeeeee!”

“Stop cutting me off. Plus, If I may call the jury attention to exhibit A and B, one criminal known as Kim “lady killer” Hanbin likes to mark me in very dark and cruel and gruesome manners.”

Pulling down the collar of your dress just enough to reveal the blooming shades of crimson, purple, some even yellow along your shoulder blades and collar bones, you cock an eyebrow at him inquisitively, waiting patiently for what the flustering boy has to say. His jaw nearly drop as his fingers abandoning their original task, jetting over to stop yours from stripping down even further.

“Okay, okay, point taken. You know I’m only obsess with you so don’t worry, baby. Even when I close my eyes, only you’re there. No one else.”

Always good at swooning you, Hanbin never fails to say the most endearing sentiments without even having to try.

“I know. And only you shine the brightest in my eyes. It’s just fun to recreate our first moment together now and then. I think the shade is very fitting on your skin, don’t you think so?”

Wiggling out of the hold you have on his head to help wipe off the remnant of crimson, his lips lurch forward, planting a big one on yours before laughing victoriously.

“I think it’s much nicer on you, don’t waste it on my ugly mug.” fingers gently caressing your cheeks, his eyes enthrall in yours as if they hold the secret to the universe as he continues. “I love you so so much. Happy anniversary, babe.”

“I love you too. Here’s to many more together.”

Almost glowing with happiness, you return the favor before gently cleaning the remaining smudges before continuing on with the night.

“Alright, let’s get going. I know I got some serious juice but even I had a hard time getting this reservation for us.”

“Oh Em Gee. Wow. Finally something my great Hanbin struggles with. I never thought i’d live to see the day.” you exclaim loudly and sarcastically knowing full well he hates having the attention on him.

“Hey, no mocking the guy that’s taking you to dinner. Unless you wanna starve, keep it up you little cheeky monkey.”

Raising both hands up, you back away letting him have the lead. Despite promising you no extravaganza this year, you were still greeted with endless amount of flower delivered to your job. You were ready to let him have it when your eyes met with the most beautiful dress, perfectly laid out on your bed next to a handsome suit. On top seated a small note with his chicken scrawl that only you seem to be able to decipher. Quite a few times you received distressing texts from his secretaries, desperate for help in solving the puzzles that were his instruction to avoid the wrath of the already stressed out boss. 

“To my ever ethereal girl that had made the last few years of my life out of this world. I love you. I will be expecting you in that dress, tonight at 9PM. Love, your Hanbin.”

Smiling in defeat, you should’ve known better than to take his words. If there was one thing that will never fails to bring the light to his day would be that he get to spoil you anytime he wants. No matter how many time you nagged or tried to stand firm, you always ended up having to console a pouting boy that you just weren’t materialistic, that he only needed to be him for you to be happy. No matter how you flip it, twist it, turn your explanation inside out, his answer, or rather whine, would be the same.

“But babeeee, I can’t help it. If you want me to be me, then let me spoil you. Of course I know you’re not that kind of girl. I just love buying my girlfriend presents. Nothing wrong with that.”

You were so busy letting the soft lace and smooth fabric graces your skin when he skillfully crept out of nowhere, hooking his hands tightly around your waist.

“Do you like it?” He asked softly, knowing he’ll be safe as long as you’re in his arms.

“Baby, what did I say about buying me unnecessary things… How’d you even know I like this dress?” You half nagging but couldn’t denied the fact that you were very happy he paid attention to your interest.

“I have my way. Now go get ready.”

The sudden halt of the car twists your smile into a gasp of amazement, pushing the recent memory out of mind. You raise your eyebrows so high they nearly touch your hairline. Grabbing the outstretching hand that had just open the car door, you were honestly more entice by the flashing dimple beholding in front of you rather than the gleaming sight of the possibly fanciest estate you’ve ever set foot in. Glancing back the way his roaring sport car had just rolled in, you nearly faint just from the grand driveway lines with endless bushes of flower despite it being dead winter. 

“Come on, babe.”

Hooking your arm in his, your attention snaps back to the mansion that’s might as well a castle. The impeccable white walls void of even the most infinitesimal speckle of wear and tear from the weather. The great columns holding up the 3 stories high blue roof shine softly in front of endless panes of windows enclosed by golden ornate details. You hadn’t realize coming in but looking back now, the intricate black gate with matching filigree detailed fence is no where to be seen as if the outer edge of a lawn so far out that it dropped off the curve off the Earth. The soft voice of the doorman shakes you back to reality. 

“Ah, Mr. Kim. Good to see you again, it has been awhile.”

“Yes, awhile indeed. Good to see you are well.”

It wasn’t often Hanbin brought you to places where he’d be address as Mr. Kim, not because he was ashamed of your status but rather if he himself feels stuffy and uncomfortable in such environment, like a monkey in a suit he puts it. He couldn’t imagine how dull and restricting it must be for such a free spirit as you are. 

“Do I have the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Kim today?”

The very well dressed man directs his attention to your still ogling eyes at how magnificent and grand everything was. Hanbin tighten the arm he has around you, the brightest smile you’ve seen, brighter than any of the gold moulding above on the ceiling with a painting you had only seen in your art history class, brighter than the gleaming crystal chandelier that’s more breathtaking than the stars above. You couldn’t help yourself but wear a big smile, though not quite as dazzling as his. The second he caught the cheeky expression on your face, his cheeks redden, a sudden awkward swirl of coughs strew out of his lungs.

“My good man, don’t go and give her any crazy idea now.”

“Right, my apologies. Well, have a good dinner.”

Chuckling at his fumbling words, the well dressed man direct both of you through the biggest set of door you’ve ever seen, so big you were sure they’d need some sort of mechanic to open. 

“Hmm… So. I shouldn’t go get any crazy ideas huh, Mr. Kim?“

You somehow manage to tear your eyes away from the marble Imperial staircase, curling and turning along with its golden iron wrought railing leading up to what has to be even more wealth and extravagant you’d probably never see again after tonight.

“No, babe. It’s not like that… I”

“It’s okay. I just want to prepare myself, you know. In case the process to becoming fit for the title Mrs. Kim is going to be a strenuous one. God know there’s a rulebook for that too. You guys have rulebook for everything.”

Seeing the panic stricken eyes, you couldn’t help but taking in the full advantage of the situation. 

“Baby, I didn’t mean it like that. I assure you, there’s no rulebook, no process. I.. I just.. Damn it, why is this so hard.”

“Hanbin, calm down. I’m just messing with you a bit. Mrs. Kim sounds perfect.”

Nearly breaking a sweat and ruining his perfectly made hair, you let him off easy. The last thing you need is wrecking his night.

“Really? you mean it?” That brilliant smile was brought back, just like that, this time 10 folds.

“Of course, weirdo. I mean, right now is probably not the best time for marriage but you know it doesn’t hurt to talk about it. Dream a little, for when we’re ready.” Reaching up to fix his tie, you give the reassuring smile he was looking for. His features soften and soon a kiss finds its way to your lips, as sweet as ever. If only you knew what was running through the mind of the boy with the smile of relief on his lips.

With another “I love you” melting away into the air, he escorts you up the palatial staircase to the grand ballroom where endless rows of tables and chairs neatly line themselves up awaiting guests. 

Soon before long dinner was over and it’s as mind blowing as you thought it would be. Having a few glances at the lavish dinning room, you will probably never get used to the exorbitant lifestyle the 1% of the 1% lives. Sure you can get dressed up and fake the part but deep down, you love your simple life too much to have such wasteful nights for no reason. Luckily for you, Hanbin and his family are just the same way. Having worked his way up from the bottom, the senior Mr. Kim values hard work and anyone that can live honestly. 

The first time you had met the Kim family it was at a place that was better if not at least rivaled this place. They had full service from head to toe, private room, private dinner. Having seen too many drama, you had honestly half expecting one of those awkward dinner scene where his mom would faint because he’s dating some ordinary girl while his dad throws a fit about him marrying the conniving yet beautiful daughter of the rival company. 

The actual meeting went astronomically well to the surprise of your nervous heart. His mom was probably the loveliest person in the world. Constantly addressing you by name, complimenting, doting you like her own daughter. It’s not hard to see where he got his caring nature from. His dad, a true entrepreneur, combed you for your life plan, your education, short term goal, the whole shebang. Then there was his little sister, cheeky little monkey but super cute and adorable. The second you practically crawl on the ground to play with her, Hanbin knew everything would be alright, that you would be a perfect fit for their perfect little family. Having discovered your little expectation of how his family would be after you shyly confessed on the car ride home, Hanbin didn’t stop laughing for a good 5 days. 

Nearing euphoria, you swear there would be nothing that could dampen your mood now. Stomach full of good food, you sit back and relax waiting for the dessert that Hanbin insisted on ordering despite you protesting with all your might. Knowing full well there would be no fighting the guy, you let him be. After all, it was yours and his special night and you’ll be damn if you ruin it by not having dessert. 

Excusing yourself to the lady’s room, you were hoping to walk some of the food off by trekking to the far one you had spotted on your way up. Still at awe with every intricate and unreasonably precious details, you let yourself get lost in the atmosphere, imagining yourself being born as a princess. This must be how Cinderella felt like descending the staircase at the castle. You had thought when a sudden intrusion pierce through your veil of happiness, shattering it like a measly eggshell under the weight of an elephant.

It was a voice. A voice unlike any other. This was the voice that had you lost in the deepest of space during rainy nights while entangled between sheets. The same one that felt like spring when it sounded out your name so lovingly and effortlessly when picking you up from work, shredding all your exhaustion to bits. You thought it would haunts you for the rest of your life when it left you alone, and lost in more ways than one in a half empty apartment. One that would eventually, even though painstakingly slow, got replaced with the voice of Hanbin. 

For a split second, it was as though your whole body got thrown into the vortex of time, traveling at incredible speed back to those days struggling over assignment deadlines. You could be in an amnesia and could still recognize that gentle voice and infectious laugh anywhere. Cold sweat breaking, you frantically search through the streams of people laughing and everything halts to a stop. Faintly, the voice bursts out with color while everything else was black and white in slow motion like an old school silent film. Faster than lightening, you spin in place, frantically searching for the source before a firm hand snaps you back to reality. 

“Are you okay, Miss? I can go get Mr. Kim for you.”

Clearing your throat, you open your eyes to see the well dressed man from earlier with a concerning look on his face.

“No, I’m alright. Just thought I saw a ghost from the past, that’s all.”

Giving a weak smile, you try your best to sell your lies to the young man. If the voice belong to who you think it does, you’re far from being okay but it’d be the end of the world before you risk ending Hanbin’s perfect night, your perfect night.

“Well, I’ll be on my way then. Have a good night!”

Whispering a well wish for the rest of his night, you part way, trudging back up the stair, back to your love.

“There you are. I was sure you had climbed out the window and left me with the bill. You alright, baby?”

Pressing your hands against your cheeks, you could still feel the frost of the blood leaving your body from your spectral encounter moments ago.

“I’m fine. I saw the balcony and wanted to peek outside a bit. It got a bit cold. Did you know there’s a freaking lake and a big garden in the back? Blown my mind there.”

Rambling on in hope of hiding your fear, you dig into the dessert without warning.

“Oh. Come on. I waited for you like half an hour and now you steal all my sweet.”

Another half hour of bickering and the voice was completely washed out of your mind. That’s how your relationship had always been with Hanbin. No matter how, what life throws at you, he seemingly fixes it without any problem. He has this strange capability of just blanking out your mind of all worries. 

Finally exiting the great dinning hall, you snuggle up close to his side, completely blissful and unaware of the incoming ice berg of problem that even Hanbin might not be able to fix this time.

“Y/N?”

No. Not now. Why is the voice so clear now and why was it calling your name. Staring up at Hanbin, that expression, he must’ve heard it too as his face stiffen, eyes immediately search for yours. 

“Y/N? Hanbin?”

Tearing away from looking at each other, you both finally look up toward the person that’s making your dinner dances excitingly in your stomach right now waiting to be regurgitate. 

“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it. Good to see you two.”

Hanbin smiles first.

“Son Hyunwoo. Wow. It’s great to see you, and here out of all the place. This must mean you’re quite successful now, yes?”

You’re still frozen on the spot, arms clutching onto Hanbin as if you’d drown the second he lets go. There he was. The owner of the ghost voice you thought you’d purged of. Yet here he stand, still as handsome as ever, tall and well built. Hell, well built is probably an understatement. Even under that trench coat and the suit that was much more of Hanbin’s style than the Hyunwoo you remember, you could still mentally trace out the dip and the curve of his muscles. 

The crinkles in the corner of his eyes. The way his eyes shy away into crescents when those thick lips smile charmingly revealing the tiniest gap in between his front teeth. The strong eyebrows. The tan skin. Everything was just as you remember except it wasn’t. It’s like there’s a more seasoned, a sense of maturity flourishing in the way he speaks, the way he carries himself. 

“Nah, nothing compare to you. How are you, Y/N?”

Ah, one thing remains the same. The way his eyes soften when he looks at you…

“I…I’m fine. You?”

Cringing a bit inside, you cuss at yourself for being so pathetic and meek finally meeting him after so long. You had vowed that when you finally meet again, you’ll show him that you’re good, that you’re better but judging from your performance now, you wouldn’t be able to fool a 3 years old let alone Son Hyunwoo. 

“Good, good. I had a company meeting tonight.” He mutters, letting his eyes fall onto the intimacy between your body and Hanbin’s. There it was. That awkward head scratch he does whenever he’s unsure about something. Taking the chance, you speak up, this time clear and concise.

“It’s our 2nd anniversary.”

“I see. Well, I’ll let you guys be on your merry way. It was really good to see you two, let’s meet again soon. Happy anniversary.” 

If you didn’t know any better, you would say that last bit didn’t want to leave his teeth, trying its best to cling on and never escape. Hanbin stares back at you, graceful smile twinkles on his lips as he pats your cheek. You know exactly what he was doing. After all, he was there when you had your heart ripped out by the man lost in nostalgia that is now disappearing into the background, eyes closely staring at his own ghost` walking off into the night under someone else’s arm. 

“I’m fine, babe. I have you now.”

You whisper, nudging his side when the million dollars question fails to come out of his lips. 

“I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Yes you were. You know I hate being ask if I’m okay. You got scare I might kick your butts if you ask, weren’t you. That’s why you kept trying to telepathically communicate with me cause if you didn’t say it out loud, I can’t do anything.”

“Ugh, you got me, right in the heart. Now let’s go home. I’m cold, I need a good cuddle.”

Clutching his chest, Hanbin swing his body dramatically as if he had been shot for real, successfully in pulling out your laugh. You quickly wrap yours arms around his flailing body, not so much out of embarrassment but the guilt of the crowd having to witness the usually private cheesy banter between you and him. Once a few derisive pairs of eyes from a group of older ladies bore into your bodies, you both cough to clear the air before walking off, still snickering. Having a quick laugh just as the valet pulls up his car, he opens the car door and helps you in before getting in himself. 

Once the air settled and the excitement gone, you stare at the passing street light, orange alternating dark patches of shadow, hypnotizing you into a trance of the past. 

“Baby! Babe!”

“Huh? Where are we?”

You glance back at him, then out the windows. The grand manor befitting of Jay Gatsby was now far gone, the road speckles with snow mix in with slurries of lights from the vision damaging neon signs of the city.

“5 min from home. Are you sure you’re okay.”

“Yea. I’m good. Just a lil tired, can’t wait to crawl into bed with you.”

Oh how the night had started off so fitting of the occasion but now, all the pouring memories were that of something so different. You had let the past half hours drive lost upon memories that were at one point, happy. Now it resembles more of the old box of trinkets and junks from high school that you had tucked away in the attic for so long that it is simple what it is, old memories. By all mean, you would never wish for the time you spent with Hyunwoo to go away. Him leaving didn’t damage nor does it make it any less valuable. It’s sometimes, memories just shouldn’t be dig up.

From the first moment your eyes met his from across the Greco pillars and delicate trimming of the grand library in your school, you were infatuated. He stood out magnificently even against the sea of zombie state induced by the upcoming finals. Not just by his size, which good God the guy was practically a giant, but by something beyond physical attraction. There was something intriguing about the stature that could put Hercules to shame, hunching softly over the large marble table that held a few notebooks, scribbling away without care in the world. His movement so soft, so nimble that you couldn’t fathom how such a muscular guy could be so fluid; This was something he went on to prove was possible beyond the shadow of a doubt when he took you to dance practice later on in the relationship. You hadn’t thought much once the glorious view was blocked by some bloke sitting down across from him. It was final time and the last thing you need was to be enamored with some random guy you weren’t even sure would be around after this quarter. Little did you know, fate had a funny way of intertwining people’s lives, or perhaps it was just bored with watching the Earth turns. Not even 5 minutes later when you were engulfing yourself under the mountains of study, the most angelic voice tickled your eardrums, drawn your attention back to the real world.

“I’m so so sorry to bother you but by any chance, are you close to finish with that book? All the copies are checked out and you’re the first person I see with it…”

“Not really… I just checked it out.” You said regrettably, half hoping he’d stay.

“Uhm, would you mind if I share it with you? I hope I’m not being too forward… I’m Hyunwoo.”

His smile so timid and face so gentle, as oppose to the tone physique, broad shoulders, thick arms and strong legs that were now towering over your small slumping form. What are the freaking odds. You were in a 4 stories library, holding probably close to a thousand souls and he needed the book you were holding.

“Not at all, if you promise to help me.” You had said, soaking in the warmth of the handsome stranger. Within minutes, you both found yourselves abandoning study to chat about life, about each other. By the end of that hour, you had found yourself smiling for absolutely no reason while basking in the smooth tan skin that was glowing softly in the dim winter’s sun, hoping his smile was because of you. A week passed and you were sitting on his lap at a Christmas gathering of some friends you found to have in mutual. Being the sweet gentle giant that he is, never once did he reject your attempt of snuggling up to his body for warmth even if it meant he had to hold your sleepy form for hours during your long naps.

His mannerism, his touch, the way he speak, everything about Hyunwoo was so soft and surreal. Whenever you were near, his muscular arm instinctively wrapped around your body, disregarding of who was watching or where you were. He just knew that he wanted you as close to him as possible, why he had yet to figure out. Month ending and neither of you could step foot anywhere without the big question pestering from every direction. “Why the hell aren’t you two official yet?”

The answer to that question came a mere 6 months after that day in the library, one particularly sweltering hot June night. To everyone else it was just a day like any other but for you, it had been special up until a slam of the door shattering all your plan. Your usually understanding teddy bear had stormed off in a fit of anger, leaving you to cry in frustration. 

The night before, having sat through half an hour of an especially pretty girl snaking her arms around the man you couldn’t call yours, you finally had enough when those delicious full lips failed to put up any fight when she closed in on them. The rare side of you, the sarcastic jerk he loved to hate, came out. He made the big mistake of being a gentleman, checking on you after you huffed home in a fit of fury. You let it came down like a tsunami, taking your full rage out on him not even caring that you had no ground to stand on, no reason why you should be furious in the first place. He was completely single and 100% not yours to be possessive about. 

You sat on your bed now, finger toying with the small pink ribbon so neatly curled atop the small box with “Happy Birthday, Hyunwoo” written in the corner. You let your mind ran wild, imagining his big biceps wrapping around her petite frame. Her long pastel pink locks sway softly as he twirls her around in a dance. He was the embodiment of a dance god. You had never seen anyone moved with such grace and power. No matter what the song was, he was always one with the music. Your overactive imagination ran all the way to how she’d snuggles up close to his side, head resting on his firm pecs, finger grazing that tone hard abs, you had felt over his shirt too many times through his bear bug but never were lucky enough to touch, as they blow out the candles.

Unbeknown to you, a few tears had made their way down your cheeks, hanging precariously on the line of your jaw. Sighing softly, you finally let yourself admit to the God above that you fell hard for the impossible man. 

Heaving off your bed, you had intentionally waited till it was closer to the last stroke of 12 to pay a visit, hoping everyone would be one drink too wasted to notice. As you drawn closer to the familiar patch of grass, you could hear the music thumping, party at its peak inside. Letting the overbearing sound of cheers erupting inside drowned out your senses, you quietly let your sadness dripped out, slipping the small box into his mailbox. 

“Happy birthday, Hyunwoo. I hope you get everything you wish for.”

Letting yourself lingered for a moment, you whispered softly before turning away. 

“I really thought you weren’t gonna show.”

Shocked frozen, you stood there lamenting over how your well thought out plan could’ve failed so miserably. You had been so preoccupied with hiding that you never noticed the figure lurking about the front porch, or the pair of eyes that was watching your action closely, or the footsteps drowned out by the screaming party goers. 

Hyunwoo pulled you into a tight embrace, flushing your body tight against his. You knew fighting would be futile so you stood there, limp in the back hug you had missed so so much.

“How could I? It’s my best friend’s birthday after all. What kind of person would I be if I missed out?”

Your voice meek and sorrowful, barely abled to contain the sob within.

“Then how come it looked like you were leaving with out saying hi?”

No energy to fight, you silenced yourself, letting the soundless tears drop freely. Not wasting any more precious time, he easily spun you around wiping away the tears. Reaching to secure the small present you had left him and with you in tow, he made his way through the small path that lead tot he back of his house. Caging you against the hidden corner, Hyunwoo let his eyes traced out every edge, every curve of your face as if it’d be the last time he sees you. Without much warning, he lowered himself and pressed the most delicate kiss onto your stinging lips.

“I love you.”

He whispered. Returning for second, he moulded his lips against yours, devouring them in a flurries of passion. His hands grab onto whatever part of your body they could. He needed to feel you, to be so close to you that this kiss could barely satisfied his craving. Under the sky full of star with the soft summer breeze that hardly alleviated the heat radiating from both shiny slick full of sweat bodies, sticky from the heat, he let his love poured out like a mantra in between kisses. 

“God, I thought I was gonna have to spend my birthday all alone. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Hand cupping his jaw, you managed to push him off just enough to gasp for a lungs full of air before his lips reattached itself to your jaw.

“There’s literally a house full of people celebrating inside, all for you. Hyunwoo, Hyun-”

You voice lost upon the harsh kiss blooming on your neck that was making its way to your collar bones.

“So? Plus, none of those bastards noticed i’ve been out here waiting for you the last hour or two. You would’ve run after me immediately.”

The kiss had somehow made it down to the bare shoulder that he had flicked the strap of your tank top off and was now trailing back to your ear once again. One hand on the small of your back rubbing circle, the free one landed on the wall with a loud thud, supporting the needy boy. 

“Honestly if you hadn’t shown up when you did, I was gonna run over to your house. I couldn’t stand how I left you, how we left things off. I’m so sorry I ran off like that. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Finally the long kiss stopped as his face beamed brighter than the moon and stars above, eyes staring at yours lovingly.

“I’m really sorry about how I acted. I hope you understand, if it was me rubbing up and kissing some other guy, wouldn’t you be jealous?”

His eyes darken at the thought of you being on someone else’s lap, you had to say it scared you a bit how fast his expression flipped. No longer was he your gentle giant. His hand return to your jaw firmly, but not tight as to hurt you. the other hand still planted firmly against the wall but was now balling into a fist, knuckles white from being squeezed so hard. Without much warning, the lips that were being chewed to bit lurched toward yours, consuming them, leaving you seeing stars. 

Taking the hint, your hand moved away from his back to caress those chocolate bar abs you had dreamed about many nights you were forced to entertain yourself. The other one played with the hem of his shirt coyly, pooling it up just enough for your index to have a go at his smooth skin. Moans filled the air as his hands grab at your ass before he broke contact just long enough for him to inconspicuously pulled you up to his bedroom.

With a click of the door’s lock, he crashed onto the bed along with you, lips wasting no time finding themselves back onto your body. 

“I don’t want to ever see or hear or think about someone else’s hand on you, understood?”

Softly nodding, it didn’t take long before you were skin to skin, swaying to the rhythm of the night, letting each other’s names fell out like prayers. It must’ve been hours because his absent was finally noted judging from the banging on his door.

“Yah, Son Hyunwoo. Are you in there? YAH, why is the door lock.”

You nearly had a heard attack when the voice grew louder, banging quicken. Your attempt of getting up thwarted by his lips and his never ceased thrusting.

“Damn, who are you hiding in there, H?”

“Ignore them, baby.” He raggedly murmured against your lips, muffling the uncontrollable moan and desperate calls of his name when he suddenly picked up speed.

Laid back down finally once the slurring voice trailed off, mumbling about Hyunwoo probably getting his “birthday wish in”, you let him have his way again and again. Not like you minded anyways. Paradise reached, you rested on his chest, breathless still as he slowly open the box you failed to deliver without notice. Inside, two small silver bracelets shining under the moonlight peering into the blush inducing scene of naked bodies from the small crack in his window’s curtain. Examining it closely, a small but heartfelt smile crept onto the face that was now lacked of all the lust and roughness of earlier. Whispering the engraving softly, he stared back at you in confusion.

“3:29? What is it, baby.”

“The exact time I met my gentle giant.”

His smile radiated as he motioned for you to put the bigger bracelet on him, and he fasten the smaller one on yours. Pulling you into another bone crushing hug, his mood lifted significantly.

“Alright, let’s clean up. I still need to introduce my girlfriend to everyone.”

Hyunwoo’s voice fades away as you let the start of one relationship drifted off into the wind as the renewal of another one was coming to an end, you peel your body off the front seat and fall into Hanbin’s arm.

Ripping off his jacket and haphazardly throwing it onto the floor, you press your lips against his neck, trailing your way up. His hands quickly find their way to unzip your dress just in time before his whole body flies onto the bed from your pushing. You hike up your dress just enough to entice his attention but not enough to reveal your intimates, he groans frustratingly when you situate yourself on his lap. 

“Happy anniversary, baby.”

You breathes before lifting the dress off of your body, letting him bask in the dips and curves of your body before feeling up his. Lowering yourself onto his troubled lower half, you let your lips and tongue stroke, then touch him just the ways he likes to be. Low grunts, sexy growls pour from his lips from your ministration. Prying you off his body, he swiftly flips you over onto your back while hovering above you precariously.

“Happy anniversary to us.”

He smiles charmingly before lowering himself, letting his frustration out on your body. Moans mix with the sound of skin contact rip the silent of the peaceful night to shred. Your name then his name taking turn mingling in the air like the most beautiful dance as you both reaching your nirvana. Coming back down from heavens of bliss, sleep graces his being while you’re not as fortunate, brain overloading with the image of your ghost. 

So many nights since Hyunwoo returned you had to rely upon the healing nature of the soft beams floating so gracefully around the air for comfort but tonight, not even the soothing silvery light of the man in the moon could obliterates your pain. Pressing a kiss to his lips before carefully sliding off the bed, you pull Hanbin’s shirt over your pale from the cold body before slipping away to the living room. Quietly keeping your 3rd glass of wine company, you could smell the troubles afoot. Something had been brewing deep in your chest since that day, aching for release. 

Hyunwoo and Hanbin, the only two men you had ever truly love. They were the oxymorons in your mundane, predictable life. Hyunwoo while being the soft and gentle teddy bear he was, his love always felt like a big never ending roller coaster, jetting about at 100 miles an hour. You had gotten so, so high that it felt almost feverish. Where as Hanbin’s kind and sweet-tempered love feels like an adventure through the calms of nature despite his upbeat and cheeky self. 

Completely opposite of the seeming eternity Hanbin had to spent convincing you that it was okay to love again, your heart beat for Hyunwoo almost immediately after meeting his smile that one afternoon freshman year. It was a miracle really that you had lasted 6 months before professing your undying love to one another. He dated you aggressively, knowing exactly where he wanted you to be - in his arms with a ring on your finger. Hanbin, the poor boys had to suppressed his love for the sake of your fragile heart.

Much of your first date with Hyunwoo was spent with you in his lap, soaking in that addicting musk cologne, reading quietly on the couch. Soon enough, you had found yourself spending countless rainy days stealing each other blanket, sharing warm heat of skin, silently but contently flipping pages. Much of the 3 years relationship with Hyunwoo involved spending down time together in the coziness of his home. Whether it be using you as weight on his back to push up or fighting over who’s a better cook, you knew this was where you wanted to end your life, who you wanted to end your life with. 

Within a few moon cycles, you had moved in with him with a promising life ahead. College was tough but you made it through together. Even when you were stressed out of your mind, unreasonably angry at everything and anything, Hyunwoo was there with his big arms and comforting embrace to hold you through despite having to go through the same finals, the same stress. He made you felt like home.

There wasn’t much that could go wrong with this rock solid relationship… That was until graduation date drew closer. Fights after fights about who was moving where and what was going to happen to the “us” that you and him had worked on protecting for so long. Slowly, the fight stop being about a solution but a pity comparison match about who was going to have to give up more. 

The quiet of the home slowly turned agonizing. Doors were slammed, feet were stomped. Until one day, everything was inaudible. Dead air swirled.

“Hyunwoo ah, I’m tired.”

You had remembered sitting on the floor of the living room, exasperation poured out from every crevice of your body, eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying for so long.

“Me too…”

You had remembered him responding in a weak voice, the vibrant spark dulled by the exhaustion of the constant fights. 

You knew you couldn’t leave your family, your life behind to move to a completely new country with no promise of a career. You weren’t young or naive enough to throw everything away in the name of love anymore. No, you were too realistic for that. However, that didn’t mean that Hyunwoo had to do the same.

Hyunwoo knew he couldn’t ask you to abandon everything for the price of him, not when the relationship was in this state. Had it been the beginning, he would without a blink of the eyes, ask you to marry him and move away but it wasn’t the beginning. It was the end.

Timidly pushing an envelop onto his lap, you averted your eyes at the chance you couldn’t stay strong, couldn’t hold back the tear. Clutching the single plane ticket you had gotten him as a parting gift, he broke down knowing full well what this meant.

“Baby, I know how much I mean to you. But I also know how hard you worked for your degree, for this job. There’s no solution to this where we’d both be content. I fear the day when I look into your eyes and I see resentment, or the other way around.” 

His hand found its resting place on your shoulder while his sob travelled to your ears.

“Go. Live the life you meant to have. Don’t you dare let anything, anyone hold you back. Don’t you dare let me hold you back. If, God, this is so hard. I-If I’m lucky enough to meet you in the future, I better see you in your own penthouse, in your own top floor office.”

Tears. Tears and sobs were all that was heard for the rest of that week before he had packed up and left the shared place that held so many memories of the precious love you had. You both shared a painful goodbye before like the cloud, he flew off to his own line of destiny. The half empty apartment was like a knife stabbing you every time your eyes met the spots where Hyunwoo used to sit, where you used to love you. Soon enough, you, too were gone from the space, leaving the good memories, the laugh to dissipate with the turn of time.

Where Hyunwoo left off, Hanbin picked up the slack. He became more than just your guardian angel. Having met him a mere 6 months before everything in your perfect life snatched away, Hanbin watched over you like a big brother once he knew you were taken. No hidden motive, just pure care in exchange for friendship. See, different from the carefree life you and Hyunwoo had being university students, Hanbin was thrown into the cold corporate world early on in life. True friends were something of a rare beast in his life. Even with the few friends he had, there would be the constant doubt and distrust that come with being son of the CEO of the top 3 biggest company in the country. Having been raised as the successor, he was taught to question everything and everyone. 

Living an isolated life took a toll on his heart. He closed himself off, craving for genuine human affection. After having found out his best friend had only interest in positions in the company, heartbroken and betrayed, he wandered the cold street with coffee in hand, hoping for any sort of distraction. It all seemed worthless but alas.

“A star fell out of the sky, knocking the wind out of me.”

Something he’d tell anyone he deemed worthy of meeting you. You weren’t afraid to hurt his feeling. You called him on his bullshit like it is. You didn’t treat him like he was woven from the dainty threads of gold. You treated him as a human, any other guy that had came into your life. Something refreshing in his life of being worship.

He had admitted many times that his initial interest was killed when he learned of Hyunwoo’s present in your life but he couldn’t care less. He needed someone to keep him grounded, a true friend. Watching you nearly died from being separated from Hyunwoo, his admiration for the kind of sincere, natural love you both had for each other turned into something more. 

So many nights rocking your weary body to sleep, he became addicted to your scent, obsessed with the way you giggle, fell in love with your spirit. He wasn’t forthcoming at first, fearing he might ruined what he had built with you. Weeks turned into months and one cold only night, when he felt you were finally abled to stand up on your own, he shared a kiss with you under the starry night and it felt like all the puzzle pieces of his life all fell in place. In a moment of perhaps weakness, or maybe the wondrous sight of shooting stars above, you let him take control of your life and kissed back. 

Hanbin, always caring Hanbin. He knew better. He knew that something like what you had with Hyunwoo just doesn’t go away that easily. He knew you needed time.

“I know you love him. You know i’ve always admire you guys but if you’re willing, let me heal you. I know it sound so terrible. Who’d want love from a broken person like myself but all I need is one chance. When you’re ready.” 

Having spent so much time indoor with Hyunwoo, though not by choice but by financial, time with Hanbin was always a big surprise. One day it was camping by the lake, the next some trip to an island you had only dream about. 

Slowly, that kind smile and the soft touch ignited something in your heart. After a good year and a half of steady, never wavering love, you finally felt at home again. 

Curling up against the big couch, you nurse your headache along with the emptying wine while a pair of watchful eyes monitor every change in your expression, completely unknown to you. With a heavy sigh, Hanbin returns to his bed, the one he awoken from alone and cold without your body for the 5th time this week. He could always read you like the back of his hand and

how foolish he was to let you off so easy with just an “I’m okay” after seeing the love of your life reappearing after so long. For the first time in years his feeble heart drowns in fear. It wasn’t like you had broke up with Hyunwoo because he cheated. It wasn’t if your love had withered and died like a rose in the poison of winter. You both merely tucked away your feeling knowing it was better off parting way to reserve your love rather than let it be taint with fights and bitter words. You and Hyunwoo had fought a hard battle and it was just time to given in to the hand of fate. Hanbin had tremendous respect for your decision to let go because letting go isn’t always a sign of weakness. It was a sign that you both were strong enough to sacrifice yourself for the betterment of the other. And who was he? He was just a 3rd person come swooping in on your vulnerability. Letting his weight sinks down on the soft bed, he lays wide awake, trepidation grows. Would he have enough strength to let you go? He wasn’t sure, but for now, all he needs is for you to be close to his heart. 

Trudging up the stair back to your own little cozy nest, your steps heavy. Whether it’s from the wine seeping through your body or your thought, you didn’t know. With every kiss and longing stare, Hanbin take root further in your heart. The memories of Hyunwoo wasn’t replaced or dispelled. Hanbin simply helped you wrapped everything up in a neat box and tucked it away. It was time to move on and that’s exactly what you did… 

Seeing his face, hearing his name was like having a rambunctious raccoon tear through the box, dragging it out of the dark attic into sunlight. This feeling of overwhelming fear and pain was something you thought you had left behind the second you vowed to be with Hanbin. Along with pain, something indiscernible. Something that terrifies you. Something that was like the incoming storm, you could clearly see the black cloud at the end of the horizon yet you didn’t know whether i’d be here today, tomorrow, or simply veer off course and never to be seen again. 

No doubt your love for Hanbin is real. Fights are scarce with Hanbin but the only two times that it did, it felt like all your heartstrings were being cut, one by one. All you wanted was to be back in his arms, to hear him speak, to kiss him as soon as possible. But this unsettling rising up in your heart like a heartburn… All your thoughts halted the second you see his face, illuminating softly, deep in thought.

“Babe! what are you doing up still. You have work tomorrow.”

“I could ask you the same thing, missy. Dressing flimsy like that, wandering around.” he sasses you back before pulling the cover back motioning for you to come lay down.

“I couldn’t sleep, my brain is too full. And F.Y.I. Mister, I work late tomorrow. Unlike your butt who has a meeting at 7:30.” 

“Fine, fine. Lay down so I can steal some body heat. So naggy. I feel bad for the guy that has to put up with you… oh, wait. damn.”

His little joke earned him a loud smack to the chest before you obediently lay back down to join him for a little slumber. Amazingly, just with one stupid joke, he got you smiling like it’s nobody’s business. You bid him goodnight with a quick kiss and let sandman takes over, oblivious of the worries so obvious on your boyfriend’s face.

It was another few weeks of the same routine. Like a vampire, both yours and his weariness was creature of sleepless nights, tossing and turning before retreating back behind that mask of smile once the sun kiss the world. Your storm was no longer of uncertainty at this point but imminent. 

It started out just as any other ordinary night would. The sun had set and you pack up, another work day finished. Albeit tired, you drive to the nearby grocery store, hoping to cook something before going to meet him in the office. Your night time meet ups were another thing that you both kept from your platonic days despite seeing each other every night at home and spending every morning getting ready for work together. 

Food packed and ready to go, you blissfully unaware, walking straight into the end of another chapter in your life. Hanbin had always been good at hiding his emotion but just how good, you’re about to find out.

“Helloooo~ is my handsome boyfriend done working yet? I made dinner!”

You sing-song your way into his office, that million dollar smile greets you, immediately washing away all your exhaustion.

“YYYes! I was hoping you’d cook today instead of take out.”

Pushing all his documents close, he stands up stretching his long body out before slumping down next to you. 

“Why didn’t you call me? What if I had bought food instead?”

You barely had the chance to say before he presses kisses everywhere.

“You work late today, I didn’t wanna be a bother but it worked out anyways.”

At lightening speed, he let go of you while simultaneously diving into the food. Something is off. Something so small you could barely detect it but at the same time it gnaws at the back of your mind. He leans onto you even when he eats, something he usually doesn’t do. You both love to cling onto each other but weren’t one of those couple that had to be attach at the hip to survive. The way he talks, how he would occasionally pecks your lips even when you got a mouth full of food. Every now and then, his hand would dig into your hair, ruffling it a bit. Whatever it was, it has to be good if he’s in such a good mood to talk constantly while eating. Chalking it up to your imagination again, you laugh along and push off your worries. 

Stomach full of food, Hanbin sprawls onto the couch, head resting on you thigh.

“Baby, pet my hair.”

“What?”

“Pet my hair. You play with my hair a lot when we watch TV.”

Not questioning him, you lace your fingers gently through his locks, combing gingerly at his scalp. His eyes flutter close and a soft smile dances on his lips. After a good 10 minutes of silent, everything feels a bit too unsettling for your liking.

“You’re so clingy today. Not that I don’t like it, just it’s not normal.”

“It’s because tonight is the last night I get to be your boyfriend.”

The sentence left his lips so effortless, so peaceful as if he had thought it over many time, said it many time before tonight. Your heart inflates itself to the max, could this be it? Were he going to ask the thing you had hope he would for months now? Your joy only magnifies when he got up and pull you close, holding on so tight. Your arms instinctively throw around his shoulder, one hand laces through his soft hair.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You feign ignorant, suppressing your joy as he stay still, serene emanating from his restful form. He remains silent. It wasn’t till another ten minutes had passed before he finally speaks up.

“This is the last time I’m going to be selfish and keep you to myself. Tomorrow… Tomorrow I’m sending you back to him, baby. When the sun comes, I’m gonna have to go so at least for now, I could hold you close.”

Your smile falters and your heart drops to the darkest pit. As if your soul was rejecting what he had just said, you push his body away without even needing to command as pain washes over your expression. What shocks you the most is the calm in his manner, like the lead actor of a well rehearsed show, your reaction did nothing to faze him.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s okay, babe. It’s okay. It’s time to let me go, Y/N.”

“You…No! no, no, no. What the fuck are you saying, Hanbin?”

He reaches for you but your body jerks backward defensively, as if his fingers were dipped in poison, anger rising fast like a volcano. Your rejection is the thing that finally put a chip in the well constructed facade Hanbin had put up. Never once did he reach for you and not feel love in return. Then again, never once did you think he could hurt you like this. 

“I know you still think about Hyunwoo… I can see it in your eyes. I see the vacant looks on your face now and then, in the rare quiet moment we had. It wasn’t always there, which I’m thankful for, but ever since he came back…”

Despair, you reach for him, this time, for the first time since you met, he didn’t respond. Instead, he lets his eyes fall onto the floor, a dejected smile lingers.

“You know, I tried to be okay, I tried to be selfish because I want you, I need you. I, I know sooner or later, you’ll figure all this out on your own and i’d have to let you go anyways so I decided…”

“No, Hanbin. Please, don’t finish that sentence. Baby, please… Don’t do this to me.”

You beg and beg but it alas, he had prepared for this… With a painful smile, he rips your heart in half.

“ I decided that I’ll let you go. So, it’s okay, baby. It’s time to let me go. I’m breaking up with you now.”

“You can’t, Hanbin. I love you. How could you not see it?”

Your whole body went into shock, as if it had just gotten thrown in the frigid water of the North Pole. You couldn’t fathom the day when your love fails, the day it ceased to be the answer to his problem.

“I know you do. Of course I see it, baby. But it just, I know in your heart, after all this time, I’m not the only one…” His voice dims out, hesitant as if he hadn’t say it aloud, it wouldn’t be true. “Hyunwoo had always been there. He has always been there, just merely repressed.”

“Hanbin… You don’t know that…”

“That night you had the nightmare… You called, you called for him. Y/N, you called for Hyunwoo, not me.”

“Oh God, I’m s- I’m so sorry. Hanbin, I’m so sorry. I…”

Your tears drowns out the rest of the words, jumble up all your brain. The thought of Hanbin laying next to you, having to hear the name of another man spewing out of your mouth breaks your heart. You couldn’t bear the though of even seeing him being near other girls… Yet you called for Hyunwoo, the one person Hanbin knows he will always lose out to.

“Don’t worry, love. I’m not mad. I know it’s hard for you but you gotta start being honest with yourself. God, you two were match made in heaven. Still is. I know you still love him. The kind of love you two had, you just don’t forget it that easily.”

He sits there, an understanding smile infects the air with its serene. Unsure of what to say, each of his word is a big knife to your chest yet at the same time, it’s almost healing. That big pressure built up inside your chest finally got crack wide open, leaving your raw, bleeding heart light and relieved.

“Why couldn’t you just leave it be, Hanbin? Why, why are you doing this to me? We’re so good together. I love you so much.”

“And I don’t doubt that, not even for a microsecond. I see it in your eyes. The way they twinkle when you smile at me. Or when you say you love me, there’s just this ethereal light behind them. The excitement in your voice, the sparks coming off your fingers every time they laid upon my skin. I know you love me, so don’t you dare even question yourself, alright? Don’t you dare blame yourself or feel guilty. You’ve given me everything you got, everything you were capable of giving.” 

The rain from your eyes, torrential. You could barely hold yourself up any longer as anguish settles in, you slump over, burying your face into the lines of your palms. For the first time in years you both went more than 10 minutes with no contact as he still shy away on the opposite end of the couch, leaving you to fend for yourself. 

“I tried to be strong, be okay for you but then I realized, hiding my heart, it’s not something feasible. Every prick you feel, every beat your heart skip, I can feel it too because my heart is not my own anymore, babe. It’s yours, it’s ours. It’s so much easier just being ignorant of what it’s feeling but I think at this point, we’re both in too deep for that.”

He reaches over as he always does when you’re hurting, but the warmth never came. His hand fell short of your shivering, shaking form. It kills him seeing you sitting there so fragile and cold but that’s alright, he thought. He had convinced himself that you didn’t need him anymore, that maybe it was better for you to cry without him. Or maybe he just wanted to be selfish, to save himself from missing you, to spare himself the pain knowing that from here on out, when you cry, it won’t be him that come to the rescue. With a despondent sight, he continues.

“If you beat yourself up over this, you’re insulting me and my love for you. So don’t, baby. What we have, or had was just as real as the sun in the sky. I’ve been watching you wrestled nights after nights with your inner demon and it breaks my heart. My love for you should be warm and fuzzy but lately, all it seems to do is roughen and beat you up. So it’s okay, baby. It’s okay to go to him, that’s the only way we’ll be able to save our beautiful relationship… That’s the only outcome I’ll accept.”

Having all your thoughts laid out on the table by the man you love most is possibly the worst feeling in the world. All these thought you’ve hidden. All the debate you were scare to bring up. As expected of Hanbin, he was always one step ahead of your every need. Hearing his words, your heart finally breathe. With a gasp for air after drowning for so long, you finally learn what the indiscernible feeling was and why it was so terrifying… It was the breaking of Hanbin’s heart and you’re the cause.

“I will never be able to live with myself knowing that I hold you back from knowing for certain if Hyunwoo is who you truly belong with or not. Your hands were forced, cards were dealt and you both ended things the best way you could. When hearts are forced to part way, there will always be unresolved feelings, unanswered questions. You have to understand, these, these questions affect me just as much as it does you or Hyunwoo. How could I live and be happy knowing a small part of you will always wonder what if you had stayed. What if he hadn’t move? I think that’s the reason why, after all these years, Hyunwoo still belong in your heart.”

You’re lost for words. No matter how hard you try to reason with yourself, to deny it with all your might, Hanbin speaks the truth. Fact of the matter is, you know deep inside the most secluded corner of your heart, Hyunwoo had always been lurking in the shadow waiting for his time to shine. Nothing compares to the lost of first love, especially when it was taken away forcibly by the cruel hands of fate. Then there was the guilt. Oh how guilty you were of snuggling up to Hanbin while letting your mind raced about someone else. The guilt of disappointing Hanbin, of being unfaithful to the man that had given you everything. The guilt of the horrifyingly high possibility that all of Hanbin’s word is true.

“What ifs are what they are for a reason, baby. You can spend the rest of your life asking those questions but fact is, you can’t change the past. So why can’t you just accept that I belong with you now.”

As sound as his argument is, you’re still growing frustrated. Infuriating that none of your words seem to matter to him. How could he had gone and decided the next chapter of your life for you, without even letting you have a say. It’s your life, it’s your love, how could he be so merciless as to coerce an ending that had you in heartbreak. How hypocritical of him to have tied your hands behind your back while sitting here utters words of a love ending too soon by the pressure of life’s folds.

“Trust me, I want to accept it but please, be honest with your heart, you don’t know that for sure. God is giving you a once in a lifetime chance, baby. Take it. Find out once and for all if you and Hyunwoo are fated because… Well, because we’re not.” He hesitate once again, fearful of the words he just spoke before his voice regain their frighteningly calm stability. “No more sleepless nights, no more drinking till your body gives out, no more wrestling with your conscience, no more guilt… Wouldn’t you like that?”

“And here I thought you were finally going to propose…”

You raggedly exhale the sentence before heaving a bitter laugh, wiping away the burning tears to finally get a better look at that handsome face that had been breaking your heart for the past hour. The mirthless smile lingers on your lips as you twist and roll the small band your ring finger is donning, the one he had given you a few days after your first date, promising to protect you till his dying breath while watching a sunrise through that brilliant window just past his shoulders.

“Oh… Baby…” 

Your pain finally becomes apparent to the boy as he close the distance, pulling your weary body into his embrace, hand intertwine with yours. His svelte digits lacing with yours, holding it gingerly before his supple lips press a kiss daintily. Honestly, it gives you hope.

“I’m so so sorry, baby. I- I didn’t know.”

Hope.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

Without notice, you feel his finger tighten around your finger before you felt all your hope shatter. With one swift move, he slips the promise that had been sitting neatly on your finger for 2 years off, holding it tightly inside his palm. As the metal band leaves your finger, it took all your breath away with it as you gasp audibly for air, head pull away from his body in shock.

Pain and desolation.

“H- how could you… I… HANBIN!”

The person that had given you so much love had just nailed the last coffin of the relationship that would soon be bury and fade away like the fleeting cloud in the sky.

“Nothing has changed, Y/N. I stand by my words.”

He said firmly as you reach forward, prying at the tightly clasp palm, desperately to have it back where it belong but he has other plan as he pockets the ring. Despite trying his best to be the villain, inside, it was as if all of Hanbin’s organ had liquidized, the pain spread throughout his body as he wish you would just go… Go before his strength runs out, before he gives up and pull those lips he’s dying to kiss, those lips that he already miss even though he had kissed you just an hour ago.

“If we had met at a different time, different lifetime, maybe we could’ve work but… this version of us, in this life stream, our love isn’t fated. It’s better that we break.”

Before you could say anything else, the softest knock vibrate through the room. Standing up, Hanbin briskly walk pass you and murmurs something to the person behind the door while you quickly wipe the tears away. Soon he returns, offering you his hand which you reluctantly take. You were sure by this point, he can do no more damage as you’re already stone cold on the ground, bleeding out despite slowly rising from the couch. Hands holding yours, thumbs rubbing gently, his eyes trace every single line, every crinkle, every spot, searing them forever into his heart.

“I know all this seems rush and unfair but if you ever love me, which I know you do… Go. Live your life confidently and be happy. Go without any regret. I know it might hurt now but soon, everything will be okay. Trust me. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Take care of yourself. I love you and I will always love you. Goodbye, Y/N.”

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, with a wave of his hand, his trusted assistant appears from behind that big wooden door that used to be the gate to your own private seclusion from the world.

“Hanbin, what is this? No, let go of me… Hanbin, tell him…” You screech, much to your dismay, he did nothing. 

You struggle as the pair of unfamiliar cold hands grab hold of your body, guiding it toward the wooden door. Kicking and screaming, you had nearly elbow the guy before Hanbin speaks up, something dead in his expression, the aloofness in his tone, the firm frost of his voice draw all the blood from your body as it goes limp. What hurt the most, the thing that flay your heart open is those piercing cold eyes staring back at you. The soulless black orbs depleted of any emotions, so far gone that you question yourself if love had ever existed in them in the first place. The Hanbin standing in front of you isn’t your Hanbin. No… He’s simply the big scary boss that happened to share the name of your beloved. 

“Take miss Y/N. Make sure she’s safe or you lose your job. Report back when you’re finish, I have one more task for you when you return. Y/N, please just go. Don’t make his job any harder.” Not losing the command in his voice, he barks the order before turning away, back to that disdainful chair, to being the fearful Mr. Kim. 

You fighting ceased, arms limp along side your. How could you fight when it seems as though he had purged every last bit of feeling he had for you away, as if he was never attracted to you in the first place. The rest of the to the parking lot feel much like the sequence that plays out after a hero had been shot. Silently, you lets your lifeless body drags along by his assistant as light flashes before your eyes. His steps quick yet everything within view is dim and blurry, nearly slow motion as you try to process everything that just happened. A strange sense of tranquil washes over. All his action now made sense. From how he wanted to taste the food you had been making for him for the past 2 years one last time, to the clinginess… He was preparing himself for the lonely days to come. Even if it hurts, he did it, he puts an end to your nightmares just as he promised. With the loud slam of the door, you close your eyes and let the weight of reality sinks in as you could no longer cry. 

Yours. Kim Hanbin was yours. 2 years. You hate this.

The lonely boss sits in his chair, lamenting over what he had just done to the girl he loves. As if all his heartstrings had been cut, all he seems to feel is pain. Pure white, searing hot pain in every cell of his body. He had just done the most heinous act any human could possibly do. He knows it would hurt but it was necessary for the sake of your happiness. As he gasp for air, he can feel his world shattering beneath his feet as the weight of reality daunts upon him. He finally did it. If your pain is the prick of a loyal bee, ready to give up its life in the name of the queen, his feels like the deadliest of snake had just sunk its fangs into his soft skin. The mere thought of hurting you already wreck him apart but the real pain, excruciating. You had given him your all to love and he threw it away, betrayed your trust. Even if it was for your own good, he couldn’t bear seeing you die a little bit every time he twisted the knife of fate further in your already minced heart. This was something he will never forgive himself. Suddenly, your voice rips through the colorless space, painting it with vibrant hue.

“Why are you so good to me?”

The memory of your innocent question plagues his mind. Like a maniac, he laughs at the irony of the situation before tears finally fall. Your smile was suppose to be the thing that give him strength to live another day. It was suppose to be his savior but why? Why is it so hard for him to let you go now when he knows after the pain, you’ll be smiling brighter than ever. He wasn’t sure if it’s possible for him to take another step in this life after having done something so despicable.Somehow he knows the treacherous road ahead would be anything but easy, that everyday will be gloomy without your sunshine to brighten his day. 

Clasping his mouth tightly, he lets the pathetic, weak sound of muffled sob slip lose as his finger toy with the small box that would’ve changed his life forever if he only had the courage. Choking back the tear, his hands nimbly creaks it open, revealing the most brilliant twinkle of diamond hugging the small platinum band that he knows for a fact fit your ring finger perfectly. His heart bleeds knowing if he had just propose to you that night after dinner, then maybe you would be in his arm right now instead of dying over lost love. What if he had just listen to you and cancel dessert. Would it had butterfly affected your meeting with Hyunwoo?

What ifs are what ifs for a reason right, baby? 

What use would it does for him to question the events of destiny now that he had taken it into his own hand. The ring remains ownerless as is his heart. Laughing at the fact that somehow even when you’re gone, you still manage to keep his heart, he gently sit the ring on his desk. With a ragged breath, he pulls out his phone and the small sticky note his assistant had given him just before dragging you away. Briskly typing in the series of number written on the note under the name Son Hyunwoo, he compiles the text that would be the last piece of the puzzle. 

2:05 - She needs you, go to her.

He recalls the serendipitous meeting of the strange girl that affects his life in ways he didn’t know was possible, letting the thought of you lulls him to numbness. With a heavy sigh, he sends the closing sentence of the final act to perhaps the greatest chapter in his life. A chapter that he will now return for Hyunwoo to continue, hoping no matter the author, a smile will forever be on your lips.


	2. Please Stay

Like being hit by a bullet. No… That would’ve been too nice, much too easy.

“La petite mort. Do you know what that phrase mean, babe?” He had breathed so effortlessly with his arms entangled around your body, chest heaved heavily, hair drenched from sweat. The lust had long left his smiling lips along with the last desperate plead of your name, lingering somewhere far in the air filled with the leftover wondrous scent of love.

“No but it sounds romantic.” The words tumbled from your lips, barely abled to pass the raggedness of your breath. Light summer breeze fanned your slick, sticky skin. The stars were shinning so brightly above but somehow his eyes twinkled just a bit brighter. His skin glistened from sweat yet you were sure that wasn’t why he seemed to be glowing so magnificently, so ethereal. The sweet and delicate perfume of the rose blooms dotting the green hedges just a half a field away bathed your worn bodies in its heavenly scent. Perhaps your vision blur from the hours of love making, perhaps just drunk in love, staring at Hanbin now, you could almost swore he had always belong here in the garden like some mythical fairy gracing you with his rare luminosity. His arms wrapped around your naked body shielding it away from the bashful stares of nature surrounding, fingers gently pulling the soft cashmere throw atop your legs as if it would’ve make a different. As if the quiet mouse running along the far edge of the fence or the moon would’ve forgotten about watching you given your most intimate act to him in the open field behind his vacation home just moments ago. As if the clouds above or the tree in the far corner of the field would’ve forgotten about your lustful begs and desperate screams of his name. As if the small divinely soft throw could cover your bare breast overworking to catch a breath or his sinful, dangerously revealing lower torso. He heaved a laugh so clear it made you question the transparent, perspicuous quality that the night always brought you, how it always calmed you no matter how insane the twist and turn of daylight might be. Everything about him changed how you view the world and for once, you don’t mind changing.

“It means the little death. The French uses it to describe the high and come down of sex. I know it’s a bit morbid but imagine having the incredible luck of sharing it with the person you love. You love them so much that the feeling they give you can only be liken to small deaths.”

La petite mort. The words echo, leaking into every dimension of your weary mind. You reached out to that comforting smile but its dematerialization left your finger helplessly grasping at thin air. No longer could you sense the wonderful warmth of his smooth skin under your finger tips or feel the lightening bolt he sent through your body with every touch ghosting by. His brilliant grin and the soothing voice hide away in the dark corners of your brain, leaving you lost inside your mind. Cold sweat breaking, you jolt awake. The tenderness of his smile replaces with the deafening silent of dead air grumbling around the empty room and the soft hum of your heater. A long sigh torn from you lungs by the loneliness of winter.

La petite mort. What your beloved bastard had never told you was the phrase has double meaning. The phrase can also be use the when a person go through events so trying, so torturous that they die a little inside. The way you live your life these day, you were sure he’d be proud you’re taking the double entendre of his words so literal. The tiny, little deaths your heart and soul experience every damn waking minute of the day are far from being pleasurable, far from the meaning the French loves to moan about.

The sickening scent of the bowl still full of mushy soup-soaked instant noodle permeates every crevice of your nostrils. Your cheek, redden from the icy surface of the marble dinning table, lift away in haste as your eyes wander around the cold room. You haven’t had a second to settle from the dream when a wave of crushing pain radiates from your chest. It was the kind of heart wrenching, gut twisting little death that’s pushing another round of stomach acid mixed with alcohol souring your throat. The kind that’s currently sending you pummeling for the toilet. The kind that vacates your lungs of air, leaving you aguishly gasping from the rush of the mundane memories of brushing your teeth together, nuzzling noses, fingers shyly inching together; The mundane memories to never be recreate ever again.

Once again collapsing onto the cold tiled floor, you curl yourself up against the corner of the small bathroom that had been more comforting these past few weeks than the soft plush bed that might as well be a nail bed. Every time you had laid down, his words, his laugh, his touch prick every inch of your body over and over again until it felt like fire. All you could hear was the random whispers of the night telling you about his day at work. It was something he did often. Being your little spoon, he’d lay in your hold, chatting away about how bad he felt for scolding a worker, the bitchy potential partner he had to deal with, asking you for advices on things you got absolutely no knowledge of. Other nights, he’d giggled madly in victory whenever he could coax a snicker despite you being on the brink of sleep by telling really bad jokes he had heard from his subordinates. On nights neither of you were too tired or in desperate need of each other, even the ghosting of his breath on your neck could make you come undone in matter of seconds.

You lost it all.

Once the harsh convulsing in your stomach had stop, you laugh. Laugh to make sense of all this nonsense.

We broke up.

You continue to laugh. Laugh at how much this hurt. Laugh at your pathetic brain keeps replaying the image of him dimming away through the crack of the closing door that night. Laugh at how much you hate him. You laugh so hard that the tears falling from your eyes might as well be ghosts, invisible and unnoticed.

No, Y/n you dumbass. We didn’t break up, he dumped you.

It had been two months since he broke your heart.

You didn’t hate him at first. How could you, he had done all this so you could have a second shot at “true love” as he had put it. He had sacrificed himself for the betterment of your life. How could you be angry at someone so selfless. You were frustrated, of course. Being blind sided like you did, frustration would be mildly putting what you were going through. You had thought everything was fine, best it had been in months even when he just up and left you…

As the the sun and the moon repeat their courting dance around the Earth again and again, it begins to sting. Your spent mind began to latch onto the lies and excuses he had given as a escape from the relationship you had thought you will always have. He left you… To fence for yourself, dragged away like garbage in the middle of the night by a man you barely know. For your own good. You couldn’t honestly understand why he would do such a thing, especially after you had begged like a dog for him to trust you. As the clock struck 12 again and again, bitterness became friend. Like the heartening one-sided love he decided you need all those years ago, all on his own once again, Hanbin decided your life for you. Except this time instead of giving you all your hope and dream, he decided to abandon you.

How dare he decided my life

Thank God for giving you Hyunwoo back.

Hyunwoo had arrived that night just as he was asked to. Confused and lost, he nearly died seeing your soulless form sitting at the front door of the grand apartment Hanbin had rented solely because he wanted you close, to have a private piece of heaven with you. See, you had lived nearly 45 minutes away from his house, 20 minutes away from his work and in his lovesick mind, that was too far. He needed you as close as possible to him. Well, none of that matter now.

Carefully hiding his pain, Hyunwoo picked you up with ease and made his way into the place you used to called home. He sat with you in front of the fireplace till morn, offering the strong shoulder you were accustomed to at one point in your life, the one you had leaned on million of times before. Beyond the pain of lost, you shuddered at how foreign Hyunwoo’s touch and support felt.

So this is how Hanbin will feel like some day…

Strange or not, you couldn’t denied the comfort Hyunwoo brought, like the old ripped teddy bear you had since you were a wee baby. Despite nearly losing all its stuffing, feeling near completely different than how it once was, the nostalgia alone could hold you through the roughest of nights. He sat in silent, absorbing all the pain you let out, all the sobs. Large hand caressing your hair, gliding along the dip of your spine, he whispered “it’s okay” like a prayer. A prayer for you to stop hurting. A lone tear slipped out of his small, kind eyes knowing this wasn’t the first time you had gone through this…

Straightening yourself up, you throw the messy locks into a high pony tail before rushing toward the sound of the door bell before stopping dead in your track thanking God Hyunwoo remains ever so gentlemanly and refuses to use the key you had given him to give you some privacy. You look like shit. Rushing back to the bathroom, you vigorously splash ice cold water onto the worn face hoping to brighten it a bit. The last thing you need is for Hyunwoo to see your dishevel self, he’d get too worry. For the all the long weary days that had past, he became your rock just as he had so long ago. 

“You’re late!” you exclaim to hide the sadness in your voice, pulling the large body through the frame. 

“Yah, are you still wondering how I fit through the doorframe? I do not have Santa’s magic so for the last time, I am not that big.” He groans at your daze stare, eyes tracing out the door, arms struggling with two large bag from the nearby market. Too far deep into your acting, you fail to see the small glint of sadness behind Hyunwoo’s kind eyes. He knows the joke, the overexcitement are mere diversions of keeping his worry at bay yet he follows along anyhow if it means you have one less thing to worry about. He knows it all too well from the last few weeks he spent with you. In between the constant fighting and the moment of silent out of sheer exhaustion were random jokes, too random for it to not be intentional. He knew you were just trying to cover up how far off the deep end you really were, really are, all for his sakes.

“Hyunwoo, you’re 6 ft. tall, muscular dude. In what world is that not big. Like you were big when we were in school, now you’re biiiig.” you quip, shaking your head incredulously at his definition of “big”.

“I am not 6 ft. Stop spreading false information before I sue you for defamation. We’ve been seeing each other nightly for over 2 months now, get over it.” He retorts, shuffling into the kitchen to settle the bags of grocery. Following suit, you trail close behind, finding a small giggle easing its way out from his silliness, heart thankful for the banter that bring some light to your darkness. Staring at the handsome boy busily whisking dinner together, your heart aches a bit less knowing you’re still lucky enough to have such a wonderful person to be the pillar of your life. 

“I’m just joking. We were together for 3 years, did you really think I don’t know how big you are?” You wink, secretly lamenting over the past and the cruel tricks life played on you. It gave you two wonderful men then ripped them away from your hold in the worst ways possible.

“Oh God, there’s my perverted little Y/n. No, I KNOW. You used to make the biggest deal out of me fitting through the door of our old place every time we come home drunk. You were really embarrassing, you know that.” He raises an eyebrow at you, almost waiting for your outburst. 

“Uh, excuse you. I am magnificent. Embarrassing… yea right.” You scoff at his blatant mocking face that’s currently sticking a tongue at you. “Said the asshole that also cried he’d die if I leave. You love me and you know it.” 

“Yea, yea. You know I do.”

Hyunwoo eyes light up at the sight of you joking around, God know how painful it was for him to see the sunshine drained out of your expression. However, the crescent in his smiling eyes soon gone as his lips curl into a distasteful frown seeing your awkward body blocking his view of the small round dinning table.

“What are you hiding?” The firmness of his voice tenses your whole body. Looking much like a deer in headlight, you shake your head. His looming body has you feeling like a 3 years old hiding candy from her parents. Eyes averting to the floor, you timidly step aside knowing there’s no point in hiding your uneaten dinner from Hyunwoo. He’s already so close that you could feel the heat radiating from his body yet you’re not scare of his large stature. You’re mostly embarrass, guilt runs through your veins. 

“Y/n…” His voice calling out your name so soft and caring. Before he has the chance to say anything else, you abruptly cuts off the sadden voice.

“I’m sorry, Hyunwoo… I know you’re disappointed in me.”

“Babe, I’m not disappointed. What on Earth make you think I would be. I’m worry for you. You’re not eating, even when you are, you’re eating shitty food…” He motions to the bowl of soppy noodle with a disgusted face, shuffling just a bit closer. “…that and all the drinking. No more drinking.” His words trail off before your face was gingerly lifted by the soft pad of his index finger. With a smile, what comes next takes all your breath away and replaces it with discomfort.

“ Plus, if you’re not healthy, how are you going to fight for Hanbin? If you die before he sees you, what good will that do.” He breathes out so easily the sentence you dread with a soft smile.

“I don’t know if I want to fight anymore…” was what you wanted to say, instead against your better judgement, you hid the truth.

“I feel guilty because you’ve literally been the best angel ever, taking care of me. All I do is just go against your words. You have your own problems too, don’t worry about me too much.” 

Your vision suddenly blur and your face covers by the strong bicep, nose fills with that musk cologne just as you remember. Your hands find themselves wove around his sturdy frame, rubbing the broad back, leeching for warmth. A near muted chuckle drops from his lips as he presses a kiss atop your hair. You were always a handsy person and he loved to tease you about it.

“It’s the least I can do after all the shit I put you through. You’re a good girl, you deserve all the happiness in the world. Don’t worry, Hanbin will understand your side soon enough.” 

“You think so…” softly sighing, you lean into the comfort of a strong embrace. It’s really true what everyone says, you really don’t know what you’re missing until it’s gone. Something as simple as getting hugs were never a problem in the past. Even before holding the spot of being a significant other in your life, Hanbin had always been there to offer a supporting hug whenever life gets a bit too rough, too calamitous. As a boyfriend, Hanbin had always cling onto you like a koala with separation anxiety. Even when he was down in the deepest pit life had thrown him down, he would still welcome your touch with wide open arms, preferred it actually. There was never a second in your life in the 2 years you’ve been together that he didn’t have any sort of contact with your body. Now, your skin-ship hours restricted to 7:00-10:30, the only hours you’re able to see Hyunwoo.

“Hyunwoo…” you whisper, fingers digging deeper into the warmth he has to offer, immersing yourself in the comfort his loving self brought.

“Yes, babe.” He sighs at he softness in your voice, a small smile flashes across his lips reminiscing of all the time you both had in in this position before, although now, you feel a bit different resting in his arms.

“You know I never blamed you for how we ended things right? I loved you to the moon and back, still do. I was so so so happy for you even if all those hurtful words and all our fights said otherwise. I was so thankful. You gave me the best 3 years even when you had no money, no time for love. You gave me everything you got and I felt so loved. You made me feel like I’m worth the world. I hope you know that. Please don’t look at our past with regret. Please don’t blame yourself or feel guilty.”

“I know. I love you too and don’t you ever forget that. Even when no one else in this world will be there for you, just know I’m there no matter what. I will forever look at our love as one of the happiest time in my life. You taught me how to really love someone and how to live. I just hated that our relationship had to end in such a rush. If I could do it all over…”

“I’d still let you go. You’re too precious for me to keep hidden away from the world. Everybody needs to know who Son Hyunwoo is, and now everybody does.” You cut him off with a smile as his eyes crescent into a smile of his own.

“You’re worth this whole galaxy, babe. Trust me when I say Hanbin knows that too. If he didn’t, he could’ve blamed you for being in love with me. He could’ve gotten angry that you were sharing your heart with someone else but he didn’t. He took the hard way out so you could take another stab at true love. I’m not saying he’s right. I think it’s kinda stupid to be honest but he’s hurting too. I know the guy looks like he’s a tough cookie but behind that cold facade is a softie. You should know this side of him best. Don’t be mad at him. I know you hate him right now but just, look at his heart, not his actions. Do that for yourself. Letting yourself lost in the embrace of hatred will do you no good, got it?”

With a few pets of the cheek, he parts way, heading back to getting dinner ready. Staring at him now, you’re glad he found his way back into your life even if the love you both share wasn’t what it once was, you’re just glad.

“Oh, I know. Since you feel soooo guilty about making me worry, how ‘bout you be my therapist.”

“UUUGHHHH, Hyunwooo~ you still haven’t confess to her yet? How many time do I have to say it, she freaking loves you. Man, you’re such a wussy ass.”

“HEY, if my memory served correctly, I confessed to your whinny butt back then.” 

“Uh, I went to your place after that fight, okay? Mr. Wuss, you were just sitting in front of your house like a loser waiting for me to show up. If you don’t ask her out soon, I’m gonna swoop in and ask her. Don’t cry then. You know i’m really convincing. Like reeeealllly convincing.” With a smirk, you wink smugly at him inciting a panic gasp out of the boy.

“Okay, okay. Stop will you. I don’t need you stealing my girl… I’ll ask her when we go to Japan.” A bright shade of red flushes over his tan cheeks, the shy smile lingering on those thick lips had you mesmerized over the past, over how lucky you were to once be able to love Hyunwoo. 

“Seriously, Ella is your personal assistant. Personal, do you know what that means, ya dummy? That means you got all the time in the world, all the excuse in the world to call her up but you don’t. I don’t get it, honestly. I mean you come over here and I can feel the boyish teenage hormones radiating from you from a block away. Just like do one of those thing where you call her into your office pretending it’s business then like i don’t know, take her over your desk or something. That sends a strong signal.”

“YAH, Y/N. I don’t need you meddling in my sex life.” Even his tan skin couldn’t hide how brighter than a boiled lobster red he is at this moment. So flusters he stands there waving the kitchen knife around like a maniac. You cackle knowing those eyes all too well. He’s so completely head over heel for the girl that even God can’t change his mind now. If Hyunwoo is anything like he used to be, Ella was going to be in for a treat once the nervous boy works up enough gut to do anything.

“What? it worked with me… I mean if she hadn’t caught onto your dumbstruck face every time she walks by yet, she might just be as clueless as you are.”

“Not everyone is perverted like you, okay. God, I take it back. You’re a horrible therapist.”

You were so busy bickering with the moonstruck boy in the kitchen that you hadn’t notice the air lifting. A sense of hope fills your lungs as you feed off the young love of a couple that has yet to be, wondering what Hanbin might be doing at this moment. Perhaps you might be just as lucky in your own love venture. Perhaps one day you’ll be able to move on.

Despite daylight barely breaking, the hallway leading to the big boss office is already buzzing with talks. Three young men huddle near the small office just outside the big fearsome grand doors, recalling their rare sighting of the boss.

“I’m telling you, he’s not a mean person.”

One of his young assistant, Lily, defends her boss, knowing full well what had happened in that office just weeks ago. Through your many days and nights of visiting, you had became close friends with both of Hanbin’s assistant. They too, just like Hyunwoo, had spent countless night binge watched sad movies and cried with you on the couch. They offer the solace of understanding ears and benefits of girl nights in, something Hyunwoo couldn’t. The affection, the doting best friends aside, like the equal sign, they were the only two that knew both side of the equation, getting glimpses of both side without bias.

“I’m just saying, if he wasn’t then he is now. Ruthless at that.”

“Of course you guys would defend him. He favors you two. We low men on the totem pole are different. You should’ve seen his stare. Man, I thought I was gonna wet myself.”

The other young men chimes in, earning a big slap from Jane. If Lily was Hanbin’s right hand, Jane would be his left, both his trustful helps. Like understudy of a big broadway star, they hide in the shadow, offering support when his work becomes overwhelming. Before they could say anything else, with the ruffles of his jacket, a sudden chill emerges from the fading dawn, washes the young men away back to their office as drab follow the young boss’s steps. Lily and Jane share a depressing look as his condition hadn’t seemed to better. He rarely leaves his office. That contagious smile that used to never leave his face had vanished with your shadow that night. It was as though the business coursing through his blood got amplified. He became scary, distant and cold, insufferable.

“Morning, boss.”

The girls speak in unison, earning a weak smile from the fading life in his face, evidences of another sleepless night visible. He had remained more or less indifference to the friends of his ex-girl. “Ex”, the word still hurt unfathomably even if he was the one initiating the break up. Deep down, he wishes they would just update him on your condition but alas, they were too fearful of crossing the line to do so.

“Any updates?” 

He waits, sanguines about their answers, hoping the girls would finally get the hidden meaning in his words. His heart screams for the girls to just say anything, mention your name, even one word about you but he knows better. One can hope.

“We updated your meeting schedule for next week, adding in new appointments and…”Jane voice trails off, her body jerk at the sudden prod of Lily’s finger. Ever so reluctant, she continues with a weak smile. “… and uhm, Y/n was here again last night… We told her you had left early and she said she’ll be back.”

He had suspected you asked them to keep news away from him. If there was one thing he learned from the years you had so graciously given him was that you never wished ill will upon anyone nor would you want to incite pain. Having the girls update him would just be a knife in his heart but little did you know, he goes to sleep every night hoping the next crack of dawn, Lily and Jane would say anything other than you were waiting.

He knew he had no right to ask about you but he craves for your attention. Ultimately, he just want to know if you were alright. When you suddenly started to wait for him in the parking lot two weeks ago, he was elated. He couldn’t believe what he had heard, you were waiting for him, just like you would every night before he went and threw everything you both built away. Forgoing his jacket, he had actually run 15 floors down to the lobby before reality kicks in. He had broken up with you for a reason. You had beg, you had cried but he had to be strong for the sake of your happiness. If he gives into your pleading now, it was all for naught. The pain he had put you through would be in vain, his sacrifice would be in vain so ignored you, he did.

The very first time he had to walk away from you in the parking lot was like walking through the gates of hell. The way your cute smile dropped into a frown, eyes glistened with a few tears like fire searing his skin, melting his inside. All he wanted was to embrace you and never let go but he got in his car and drove away, watching your small body walks into the distant from the rearview mirror. He spent much of that night in his car crying. In all honesty, it hadn’t gotten any easier. You always just wait, so patiently with a smile on your face whenever he’d try to sneak a look, never once forcing your way into his path. Even in the low light of the garage, you still look as lovely as ever. It reminds him so much of the daily moments in life you deemed too unexcitable for a globe trekker, CEO big shot as he is. He had always just love watching you. The little noise you’d make whenever you find a picture of a cute animal on the internet, the little hum to random tunes whenever you cook, the weird little dance you’d do when you clean the house. Most of all he loves the fact that no matter what or when, the second you realize he was looking, the most beautiful smile would bloomed on your lips making his heart flutter like the first time he realized he loves you. You never realized that with you, there was no such thing as “boring”. The darkest corner of his heart wishes you will continues to wait, then maybe one day, he’ll succumb to your love. However, he knows that’s not realistic from the increasing disappointment in your eyes with every night past that he gives no reaction. He knows soon enough, your exhausted heart will give way… 

What the young boss hadn’t realize was his faithful assistants had once again entrust you with helping them a month after the break up. Fearing for his reputation, his health, they confirmed your worst nightmare…

He wasn’t fine.

They had begged you to come check on him but by this point, your inconsolable heart had turned bitter and hateful. Something about nightfall brings clarity to the disarray of your brain whether it be a report with approaching deadline or matters of the heart. One cold lonely night when both Hyunwoo and the girls were away on business trips, in a fury of alcohol and despondency, you decided to blame him for destroying your life, for leaving you. You wrestled with the thought of seeing the face of the person that had repeatedly stabbed you once again many nights before deciding you deserve closure. No, you needed closure.

Pulling the collar of your trench coat higher, you shield the coughs hiding in your cold chest away. Your path litters with flashing neon lights and matching couple shoes. Trekking down the lonely path of January, a small smile cracks on your dry lips at the joy on each couple’s faces, wishing them the best luck in the new year. Heartbreak is something no one should ever have to go through yet life is a but a cruel mistress, only ever kind to a selected fews when it comes to happiness. You, Hanbin, Hyunwoo are not among those lucky fews. 

Bowing to the night guard, you silently pass through as he smile understandingly, knowing your nightly trip is now for very different reason. Your feet drive themselves onto the habitual path toward the small metal bench beside the entrance. Your breathless pant hadn’t fade away before the creak of the door could he heard. Ignoring the sharp stabs on your bruised chest you rise up from your spot, hopeful as ever that today will be the day he gives into your incessant present. Your eyes glue to the the familiar tall slender frame, handsome under the black peacoat he had worn on your anniversary.

He’s smiling.

For the first time since you take upon yourself to do these nightly trip, he wears joy proudly upon the sculpted face. You let your heart drowns itself in elation even if it’s just for a micro second, even if it’s just pretend. You were at one point embarrassed about the unprecedented level of obsession you had over his smile. You had thought it was such a strange thing to be so devoted about but you couldn’t help but be in love with the joyous expression. Having accidentally confessed your little secret to him one drunken night, you were mortified, readied to break up when he not only assuring you it was alright, he showed you how happy he was to have you be so utterly in love with him that even his simplest expression could swoon you. Unknowingly, you smile back even if his weren’t meant for you but wishful thinking has its power.

It wasn’t.

You were suddenly reminded of the wonderful birthday last year happy in Hanbin’s arms. You both found your plan of exploring Amsterdam foiled by the sudden changed in weather that made even winter in Antarctica feels like a walk in the park. You awoken to Hanbin with that sad puppy face you never quite learned how to resist. He had worked so hard on making the anniversary of the day his love was born even better than the spectacular rooftop dinner the year before. All his sorrow unexpectedly found themselves washed away with the rain as you pulled up two chair onto the the porch of the small home he had rented for the week. With two pipping hot tea mugs in your hand, you cracked a smile that stilled his vexing heart. You spent most of the afternoon giggling about the most random things, snuggling close to his chest to get a glimpse into his heart as he talked about your future together. Neither of you were sure of anything but a dog named Benji and a house with a big yard flourishing with flowers were a few things you both decided on. Tea gone and the sky still hadn’t stop showering Earth with its pristine clarity, you curled onto his lap stealing some warmth as you reached out, letting the rain drops danced along your skin. A different kind of raindrop now dances on your shaky hands, your happiness once again slips through the crack of your fingers, evaporating without a care for what it left behind in its wakes. The adorable giggle echoing through the parking garage, pushing its way into every crack of your heart, breaking it just a bit further. Your heart sinks, sinks so far down you were sure it was lost upon the stars, within a blackhole. Not a second later, like an angel, she floats across the concrete floor in a tight yet elegant dress, neat curls bounce with every click of her expensive heels. A silent tear streams down your frozen face as he wrap his coat around her small shoulders, the smile never left his face as his eyes gaze deep into hers lovingly. Defeated, you blend yourself into the background, watching, feeling like a fool for being hopeful.

Sharp pain sears through your chest as the coughs had fought its way into the cold night. You press a hand over your lips, suppressing the ugly onslaught of coughs and a choking sob, careful not to break the invisible shield you had decided to put up.

He had moved on…

Like a zombie, you wander aimlessly, bumping and pushing without care, letting yourself fade into the darkness. You were once the golden threads that hold his life together, woven light into his lonely days but now… She’s like a sky full of diamonds, illuminating his path with her brilliant, unachievable luminosity. All you can do now is to step away and accept the event unfolding even if you don’t understand. If you can’t give him happiness then the least you could do was to pave the path for him to move on, to say one last goodbye even if you don’t mean it. Tonight, you will cry one last time over Hanbin.

Coat wrinkled from the sleepless night, you found yourself once again walking the path of self-destruction except this time you breach the entrance. You let your spent legs carry you down the same old path that weren’t yours any longer. Disturbing the dull elevator music, the interface ping indicating you have arrived at the 15th floor. How funny just one night changes everything. Countless night you had spent staring at yourself in the mirror surface, making sure your outfit and make up on point to meet the man of your dream not thinking twice that one day, this short trip would feel like an eternity of pain as you journey it one last time. A second before the set of shiny cold metal doors part way, you let out a long sigh eyeing the emotionless, empty reflection of yourself staring back. One last time before you’re free. Even before you reach the small door aside his big ones, you could already hear the scream of hope, of longing joy that their prayers had been answered.

“Oh my god. You’re finally here… Thank God.” Gleeful, Jane pulls you by the arm, holding your windswept, unkempt body close. You’re abruptly acutely aware of how gross you must be, feeling guilty of letting them be near you in such a dishevel state.

“We were wondering when you’d come by. Wait here with us, it’s 7:00 now, he’ll be here soon you know.” Lily chimes in, exuberance oozes along with the small desire for Hanbin’s wellbeing. All they wish is for their two friends to once again be happily in love. More than once they had made it a point to thank you for making their boss the happiest they had seen him in a long while.

A dejected “I know” slips out, ending the cheerfulness in the girls’ faces. Pushing a white envelop in Lily’s hands, you sigh a soft smile.

“Give this to him will you? Tell him I said thank you and I won’t be bothering him any longer. Oh and that I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no. Y/n, you can give it to him yourself. Look just 15 minutes, he’ll be here. He called me like 5 minutes ago… He’ll be 10 minutes top. Come on, stay here with us. you know he wants to see you.”

“I can’t… I’m sorry. I decided I’m not going to cry over him anymore. It’s time I get to be selfish. I can’t keep up with this much longer.” You whisper as your heart clenches knowing none of the words really meant what it suppose to. Like a puppy in a toy store, you let your gaze ballets around the room not really able to focus on anything, fearful of the storm your eyes might bring if you look into the girls’ eyes.

Panic engulfs the young faces. They had thought you finally come and answer their prayer, be the savior their exhausted boss needed. With the small shake of the head, you bid goodbye before disappearing into the elevator. You have to get out of there, need to. You can’t bear seeing his face, look into his eyes because then, you don’t think you’ll be able to walk away. There was nothing left to hold you here, not when he had moved onto newer and better. Rushing away before the fatigue of meandering the city all night long sets in, you just have to get home.

Having given up on driving entirely from sheer fatigue, Hanbin sits silently in the spacious leather backseat of his company car, a folder in his hands. The same one he had read the first sentence of the first page for about 30 minutes now without really comprehending what the hell it was saying. All his thought immediate diverges to you, aching even more that he hadn’t seen you the night before. He absentmindedly flattening, smoothing the lapel of his jacket that somehow seems to still smell like you. He couldn’t quite remember when or where you had put this on but he remembers the how. He distinctly recalls the playful glint in your eyes as you swiftly pushed pass his body, body slightly hunching over hiding something in front of your stomach. He had chased after you, laughing as he called for you but of course you were never one to back down from a fight. You thrown the jacket on hastily and continued to run even when you knew he was so much faster. You had ran until he picked you off of the ground and tickled you until you cried. A small chuckle graces Hanbin with its presence. Something that was so bountiful when your shadow was still lurking. Now, it was rarer than sighting of unicorns. Like all good things in his life, the small happiness he gained from his reminiscing soon washed away as his face engulfs in sheer terror. He might never be able to hear you laugh, ever again. His smile falters and once again, he leans back onto the spacious leather backseat, rereading the first sentence of the first page.

Eyes longingly stare at the passing scenery, misery emanates from the way he sighs, every breath he takes. Fingers absentmindedly tracing out the curves of your name on the frost bitten window, he feels worse than usual, feeling so stupid for not checking if you had been sitting there waiting before leaving for dinner. He had been so wrapped up in the attention of his companion to notice. As the black luxury sedan bends around the curve of the parking’s entrance, his eyes latch onto your bench like a starving leech, imagining the small smile you’d display every time he comes into view. Letting his thought lost in the universe he whispers your name, wondering if you would come tonight.

Like magic, you materialize out of thin air at his summoning spell, looking perhaps a bit more worn than usual but as always, stunning. He observes the sharp breaths you take, the tired steps and feels his heart smashing. The small shivers, the unfocused eyes, the rubbing hands, something isn’t right… He can feel it. His eyes couldn’t strays away from your fast moving steps. He had sunken back down into the seat before giving into his gut. With a tap of the shoulder, he commands his driver to follow you down the empty street of morning, wishing you would just call a cab instead of traipsing in the cold all alone. What happens next turns his world upside down, giving him all the reason to never doubt his gut ever again. Leaning against the wall of the old convenience store, you clutch your chest in pain before collapsing onto the hard ground. Hanbin jets out of his car faster than a shooting star, holding your lifeless body close hoping to give you all his warmth.

“Baby, oh God. Baby, wake up. shit.”

Wasting no time, he carry you back into his car before it speeds off into the horizon. Never before in his life had he feel this frightful. Clutching your limp body in his lap, he gives himself no time to cry as sheer consternation shoot through every single vein in his body. Hands tracing out the cold features of your serene face, he couldn’t help but whispers your name desperately, hoping you’ll respond to the sound of his voice.

Waiting is painful as Hanbin vexingly paces the small hall way in front of the locked door that holds his entire life. Having been kicked out by the doctor for not letting go of your hand, he rages at his incompetent, powerless in every way. He has absolute control over every aspects of his life but standing here, hanging onto the smallest sound coming from the room, he feels vulnerable, defenseless. All the money in the world, all the juice he got and you’re still laying alone in the roomful of strangers. All he wish for is to be there when you open your eyes, to give you some solace.

After an hour, the rhythmic mechanic beeping of the your steady heartbeat did nothing to soothe Hanbin’s heavy heart. Looking at you laying there so still, endless tangles of wires coming out every which way, he feels so helpless. Anger rising, how could he had been so careless. He knew you were waiting in the cold but did nothing. Now… Now all he could do is sit here and stare at your expressionless face, with his hands tie behind his back, utterly useless.

Holding your small frail hand, he presses it to his lips, letting them trace out every wrinkle, every bend, down to the small mole on the back of your hand. There was never a need for him to memorize the ways of your hands as you were always gonna be there until his last breath on this planet. Now, he regrets not studying them with greater details.

“Baby, wake up. I’m here. I’m right here. Won’t you look at me? Y/n, I’m waiting for you right here. Come back to me, baby. We can talk till morning come, that’s what you want right? for me to listen to you?”

Words of a desperate man. Pathetic sobs soak your soft skin. He had so many chances, if only he had turn around. What good does staying strong do if you’re miserable. How stupid was he to think that ignoring you would be the solution. The sudden click of the door tears his eyes away from you just long enough to see the older gentleman in a white coat sauntering into the room.

“Mr. Kim, I wish I could say good to see you again in better circumstances.”

With a small smile, he nods for the gentleman to continue.

“She appears to have an acute case of pneumonia on top of physical exhaustion, and dehydration. Pneumonia on its own isn’t worrisome but her body is weak beyond just simple exhaustion. We had her on drip and antibiotic but…”

At the sudden pause, Hanbin eyes dilate in fear.

“But?”

“I haven’t seen pneumonia this severe in a long time. It seems she has been suffering from it for a little while now without getting treatment so I fear antibiotic won’t be enough.”

A hopeless “oh God” rips the silent of the room, weighing down the air even further. The worst scenarios run through his mind. He could live without you knowing that you’re happy even if it’s not with him. The thought of you completely vanishing off the face of the Earth is one he never wants to think of. What would he do. Surely he won’t be able to survive.

“You, you can help her right? Tell me she’ll get better.”

“My hope is for the high dose of antibiotic to work. My fear is that it will spread through her other organs or fluid build up in her lungs will complicate the situation.” 

Hanbin’s jaw drops. The thought of his precious girl having to go through all these physical pain all alone kills him.

“If those situations arise, our last resort would be surgery. The upside is we’ve caught this and begin treatment. Although not out of hot water she’s very strong. The chance of death being an option is non-existent so we continue to monitor her. I suggest having her stay until fully recover as sometimes patient do relapse. Especially since the weather hadn’t been that great outside. If she catch another cold then we’ll be in very serious problem.”

“Do whatever you need to do. Money is not a problem. All I want is for her to wake up and be healthy.”

Nodding understandingly, the doctor excuses himself, giving back the privacy Hanbin needs. The hand that never left yours now move to brush your tangled hair gently, petting it delicately.

“Did you hear that, baby? You gotta be strong. Be a good girl and fight it. I’ll be here with you every step of the way. Do this for us, be strong for us.”

He thought about pressing a kiss onto your motionless lips. How satisfying would it be to finally kiss those lips he loves so much once again but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not after all that he did. He sigh at the irony of it all. How he had wish you would stay by his side but fate granted his wish in the worst, most twisted way it could by having you in a coma.

Days passed and your hospital room is beginning to feel more like an office. The small coffee table, the couches, your side table all strewn with endless amount of documents and files. On the grey plush suede couch nearby lays an exhausted Hanbin, passed out cold with his glasses still on. He couldn’t bother to fuss with contact lenses, not when you need all his time. He trades in his suit for casual jeans and tshirt, curl up with his laptop still in his lap. The rhythmic beeping of your heart no longer visible to the second resident to this room, he had learn to drone the noise out by the 2nd night here. Jerking awake from the creak of the door, his eyes immediately grasp onto the bed in case you had woken up while he was asleep.

“Oh, morning mom. I thought Y/n woke up…” He sits up groggily, throwing his glasses carelessly aside to rub his eyes.

“My poor babies. I brought you home food, you need to stay healthy for her. We should really clean up the room too.” Hanbin’s mom whispers as she glances around the room. She couldn’t help but let out a few ‘tsk’ at the state of your hospital room that resemble the mess of her husband’s office an awful lot. Examining the small boxes, Hanbin’s attention once again on the creaking door as the older Mr. Kim arrived.

“How is she?” he says, voice laces with concern of a father. He had taken a liking to your spunk and will to work for everything you got. Before the relationship went south, many weekends you would spent sitting in the patio chatting about the mundane of life. He had never forgotten the joy in living a simple life even if they barely had enough to make rent. He often picked your brain about the simple things in life, the complication of wealth, and really just any random topics that came along.

“She’s responding to the medicine, which is good. No surgery needed any longer…”

“But?” His mom warily speaks up, fear rattles her usually poised and graceful tone.

“The doctors aren’t exactly sure why she won’t wake up…” His voice trails off, eyes tracing the lines of your face. No longer did your lungs require aid in breathing, the plentiful wiring was also taken away yet you refuse to open your eyes. Laying there like sleeping beauty, your prince Charming stumps at what else he could possibly do just to see you smile just one more time.

“What? then we’ll get better doctor, nicer hospital…” Mrs. Kim’s voice is near cracking now. She couldn’t help herself watching you laying there in such disturbing silent. In her eyes, you were never one to be still for long. Whether it be running around with her daughter or helping her in the kitchen, you were always on the move. The only time she had ever seen you in such a tranquil state was during your long talk with her husband, or the moments when you get so lost in the sight of Hanbin that you simply took a step back and admired his marvelous self. She knows in the state of your relationship with Hanbin now, neither of those things are longer plausible. Calls it mother’s intuition or whatever you may, she had always voiced her opinion strongly about keeping you around until her days in heaven. Tear brimming her long fluttering lashes, she sighs a regretful breath of how wrong she was and how much she wishes to be right.

“It won’t help, mama. The doctor, they said even though it’s irrational and there’s no proof, the human’s brain is complicated. This weird phenomenon, it’s often seen in terminal cancer patient, the- their will to fight gives them hope and that in turn affects the outcome of their treatment, even if it’s just by a little bit. Y/n, for whatever reason, they think she’s unwilling to wake up, that she wants to stay in her coma… Medically, she’s almost pristine. Emotionally…” 

He sighs the sigh of that perhaps only world leaders would understand. Millions of thoughts run through his mind, worrying about the company, worrying about you.

“… I’m so scare. I have to leave for a business trip soon and.” he chokes on his words, images of worst case scenarios fumbling through his mind. For the first time since he was a kid, he parents witness his tears out of the pure fear of never getting you back. “and what if something happen when I’m gone.”

A firm hand grips onto his shaky shoulder, offering a few supporting squeeze. His mom holding onto your hands tightly, petting and caressing as if nudging your sleepy self toward the sunshine of Hanbin’s love.

“I’ll take care of the oversea trip, you hold down the fort here while I’m gone.”

“No, dad. She hates when I skip work because of her. The last thing I need is for her to be mad at me the second she wakes up.”

Father and son share a chuckle of the quirks that makes you so dear in their eyes. Although a man of few words, Mr. Kim shares with Hanbin a supporting look, telling his young inexperience son that everything will be alright. Mrs. Kim leans in pressing a small kiss to your forehead before taking her husband’s hand, eyes still lingering on your face, hopeful that you’d open your eyes any second now. Seeing his parents off, Hanbin returns to your bedside, praying to all the Gods for your safe return before packing up. Allowing himself a moment of selfish, he crawls under the cover to hold you close.

“Y/n ah, do you know how much I miss you? Everywhere I look, I just see glimpses of the past. I know I haven’t been good to you lately but please don’t punish yourself because of me.”

His voice weaken almost to a whisper at the possible reason why you’re still asleep. Pressing a big kiss onto your lips for the first time in almost 3 months, he feels your love coursing through his veins, reviving the dismal heart he had been neglecting.

“I love you so much and all I want is for you to be happy. You must hate me so much right now. That’s why you won’t wake up, right? Because in your dream, you don’t have to see the ugly betraying monster I’ve became. I’ve always admire how much faith and love you put in me. You gave me your life line to protect, to hold but instead I cut it in half. Trust me when I say that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I thought I was going to die when I saw you cried, the disappointment in your empty stare when my assistant took you away… Just wake up, baby. All I want to do is making sure you’re healthy. After that, after that you can cuss at me, hit me, slap me, leave me. I don’t care what will happen to me, what will become of me. I just need to know that you’ll smile again, even if it’s not with me. I love you. Can you hear me? I love you, Y/n. All I want is for you to please, please stay with me but I know I lost that right so… Please, baby. Just wake up. Wake up and I promise I’ll do whatever you want me to. I love you so much.”

With one last lingering kiss to your forehead, he fasten a dainty shiny silver chain around your neck, hanging from it a worn gold band. Your worn gold band. Shedding the wrinkled, filled with crease from the strange sleeping positions on the couch sweater, he places it next to your head with a hopeful grin. Very early on in the relationship, you once timidly whispered to him your peculiar obsession over his scent. You didn’t know how or why but it always seems to calm you down no matter the situation. You had thought he’d stare or call you weird but instead, he pulls you close, pressing your face onto his chest, indulging you in your obsession that he doesn’t view as weird at all, not one bit. To him, these little quirks are what made you so you and so dear in his heart. He even took a long inhale, muttering something about always loving how your hair always smells like apple in response to calm your embarrassment about loving his scent. Ever since then, he made it a point to leave you his clothes whenever he has to leave for long business trip. He can only hope his sweater will act as a light, guiding you back to him. 

Grudgingly walking away, a sudden intruding thought furrows his brow, his lips curl into a distasteful frown. Where the hell is Hyunwoo. Too lost in his thought, he closes the heavy door to give you some quietness from the bustling hallway, fails to notice the small twitches in your fingers.


	3. Always Mine

Endless streams of clouds floating pass the small window of the private jet fast steading, tearing through the golden rosy sunset sky. Leaning back into the white leather seat, Hanbin nurses the second glass of whatever the hell it was he had grabbed out of the bar in the blur between boarding and stumbling to his seat. He couldn’t really care about anything but you at this moment what’s with the strange cryogenic state your relationship is in as you laid silently in the hospital alone. Whatever could take his throbbing mind off the obvious state of the stale relationship he had ruined will works, nothing seems to matter to him anymore. Watching the amber liquid swirling around the crystal clear pieces of ice, condensation rolling down the crystal glass, old memories flood his senses much more bitter than the taste of poison on his tongue. Against better judgement of the throbbing headache that screams for him to take rest, he let himself drown in the ghost of your memories.

It wasn’t too long after he was abled to call you girlfriend that you had gotten a big promotion at work. To commemorate the occasion and a small reward for your hard work, he took you on a surprise weekend getaway on his jet. The wonder filling your eyes, the cute random questions you’d ask, your curiosity, all if it delighted his excited heart.

“Wait babe, you mean all this time you took business trip, it’s this plane?” You stared around in awe of every tiniest details. Sure you had been in first class on trips with your own company so a bar on the plane isn’t anything new. However, he got a freaking chandelier, a damn chandelier in the stupid plane. If that doesn’t scream extravagant, you were sure you didn’t know what would. 

Your amazement found itself landing on the large leather couch, white just as the rest of the interior and no doubt as heavenly as the one in the living room of his more than spacious house. Hanbin had teasingly winked, whispering sultrily, hot breath fanning the shell of your ear, something about mile-high club and bed when you had stumbled pass it earlier while boarding. Too wrapped up in your own amazement of the overwhelming sight, you hadn’t paid much attention to his words until now. A giant burst of heat and steam erupted on your face the second your brain clicked onto what he had meant, your face redden, way worse than the reddening sky outside.

“Hmm, what’s wrong? I thought you knew?” He peered down at your half amused half impressed expression with just a hint of embarrassment. He caught your pouty lips in his, moulding them perfectly against each other.

“I don’t know.” You giggled hard at the slender fingers prodding at your side. “The thought you of waiting so so “patiently” in line through security, then to get on the plane, then through custom is kind of funny.” Your little air quote gesture pulled a hearty laugh from Hanbin, his eyes lighted up in delight just as it always did from your random little antic. “Now I know why you never minded long trips. You practically brought the comfort of home along with you.”

“Why? cause you think I can’t be patient? I’m offended.” His brows furrowed, his lips pursed in feigned anger but his eyes gave it all away - way too cute to be angry.

“Hey, you say that. Not me. Come on, babe. You were like fuming the other night when we had to wait in line for those donuts you called stupid then ate half the box in one sitting.” 

“Because it IS just some stupid donut. Why do I have to wait in line for that? I could have my chef makes better one for y-” His voice trailed off, expression immediately ceased up at your smugly smirk. Suddenly his words failed him as he scratched his head awkwardly, eyes stared longingly out the passing clouds avoiding your victorious giggle.

“Mmhmm… patient huh?” You flushed your body tight against his, fingers intertwining, seeking for warmth and security. Glancing back at the couch once again, you were sudden very aware of his every movement, from the way he’s rubbing up and down your arms to the soft breath steaming up the skin of your neck. Heat rushing, this burning all over your body as you struggled to keep the stableness in your lungs. “Hanbin, uh… you weren’t serious about the couch being a bed right?” You questioned, trying your best to keep your heart steady although you had an idea he knew you were far from calm from the way he stole that smirk right off your face. No doubts by now he had already felt the erratic drumming of your heart. The devilish mark of his playful side returned, replacing the puppy eyes and pouty lips as he knew once again, he was in full control.

“You’ll see…” He whispered simply before hoisting you up toward the piece of furniture in question. “Just to clarify, I can’t always have comfort of home at my disposal because this cute girl I call girlfriend always refuses to go on business trips with me.”

Everything was adorable in his eyes. You spent most of the rest of the flight staring out the window while snuggling up to his chest, forgotten completely about the objection of him wasting so much money celebrating something as lame as a promotion. You had always felt pale in comparison to your multimillionaire talented CEO boyfriend. What is a measly promotion in contrast with him holding a whole thriving empire under the tips of his fingers. What you didn’t know was his chest swell in pride for being able to love someone so determined, so hard working. Every little achievement, every tiny accomplishment would be a big deal in his eyes and he loves boasting about you any chance he gets.

Something about recalling the past had put a grumble in his stomach, Hanbin stands up stretching his legs before moving toward the small bar hoping for food. A slight upward curve of the lips still prominent on the worn out face sensing the sudden lift in the heaviness of the atmosphere from the sheer remembrance of you alone. He can’t wait to be back next to your side, to hold your hand, to recharge himself. Ultimately, he just wants to be there to ensure your safety once you’re awaken.

Bracing from the unexpected turbulent induced jerk, he sends paperwork that had been resting so peacefully on the small table flying through the air. A strange white envelope that resembles nothing of what could be work related catches his eyes as it lands with a force beyond impact of mere paper. His brows furrow in utter befuddlement before raising high from the way his eyes lit up in anticipation. Lily had given it to him before the trip along with a cryptic message bout urgent matter of the heart. Could it be that after all this time, you finally decided to break down his wall with the full force of your heart… He could only hope whatever lies in the carefully seal paper pouch would set his soul free. He had been waiting far too long for your frustration to settle and setting your feisty self ablaze, bursting into his office demanding a face to face. He knew it wasn’t a possibility but a boy could dream. 

His fingers hesitate, a soft smile blooming as he soak in the bends and curves spelling out his name. He wouldn’t mistake it anywhere. He spent hours obsessing over how neat your writing was compare to his. You had complained for the umpteenth time about the chicken scratch he actually expect his subordinate to decipher when he, out of frustration, challenged you to do better. Sitting back down, food pushed to the back of his mind, mess of paper neglected, his finger nimbly tear open the envelope with great care. 

“My dear Hanbin, I hope you’ve been well in my absent. You’ve always work way too hard and never bother with taking time for yourself. It worries me a great deal that I swear I lost 5 years off my lifespan. Now that I can no longer pester you to eat, promise me you’ll eat on time (and not junk food. You have personcal chefs, please put them to work). Please, find it in your heart to sleep once in awhile. I know, I know, the great vampire Hanbin knows no sleep but just try. It’s fun! Since I am no longer cluttering up all your time, it should free up a whole lotta time for these mundane activities that God-Hanbin deemed unworthy. You know, you have to assimilate to us normal folks at some point, don’t just sit in your great office all lonely. Eating, sleeping, going to yearly check up, have some fun, watch a movie, go shopping, meeting friends, hit up the club sometimes, all these things might seem small but they go a long way. Don’t worry, you look way too ethereal to be of this world, people will still know you’re heaven sent even if you do the things us normal folks do. Take a rest, the sun will rise and the world will still spin round tomorrow. Promise me you’ll do all of that so my heart can rest easy.”

Always with the praising and the subtle sarcasm, he chuckles at your seemingly delightful word despite nearly losing yourself pinning after someone as worthless as he is. Within the highs of laughter induced by your joke, a hidden sadness lurks in the shadows of the twists and turns of your written thoughts. It was almost as though you were writing final, farewell words. Words that will neatly wrap up the greatest chapter in his life, put a bow on the last bit of lingering hope in both yours and his eyes.

“I guess next comes the hard part now that the jokes are out of the way. I want to apologize for intruding back into your life when you had made it clear I was no longer welcome. You must understand, I was desperate to know of your wellbeing. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you’re hurting. It’s been a hell of a couple years with you in my life. I’m undeniably happier when you’re near and I hope you know that. You shined light in the darkest corner of my life, in ways I didn’t think was possible. You know, when I met you, not in a million year would I have thought you’d honor me by letting me share your life in such an intimate way. I would’ve choose to be with you million times over even if every single time I’d end up in heartbreaks. Don’t be sad, please. I know you wouldn’t hurt me if it wasn’t necessary because you’re a man of reason. Is it safe to say that you were at least in love with me when you made this decision? I also know you like to blame yourself for everything, even if it’s inevitable. I’m fine, love. I understand. Don’t blame yourself, don’t wallow in guilt, alright?”

The tear he had thought dried up from so many nights sulking in his own self loathe burst out like a stream, soaking his Sahara liked soul, begins to meander its way down his pale cold skin stinging every bit, every cell. He couldn’t find the strength to continue but he must. He misses you too much to part way with the thought you had so wonderfully written down for him. He will adore this the way he had everything else you’ve done even if it’s excruciatingly painful. Maybe, just maybe somewhere in the heartfelt lines, you’ll help him move on too.

“You’ve inspired me to smile at adversities and face my problems head on. I used to take your wise words for granted but now that I can no longer confide in your vast wisdom, I suddenly find myself lost? I don’t know how I’ll make it through hardship without your encouragement and advices but perseverance is key right? 

Thank to you, I’m a better person. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you. Thank you for one of the best chapter of my life. Thank you for letting me share a piece of history with someone as wonderful as you are. Thank you for loving me. I’m sorry for all the things I’ve said and all the things I should’ve said but didn’t. I wish you all the happiness in the world, happiness I couldn’t give you. I’m elated to see that you’ve found someone to entrust with your love once again. I must say she’s very exquisite. I hope she can make you feel like the only man in the world. I promise I’ll leave now so you can rebuild your life. Don’t worry about me. Hyunwoo had been taking excellent care of me and I thank you for bringing him back into my life. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Please, tell your parents I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye to them in person. I love them so much and thank you for allowing me to be part of the family even if it’s just for a little while. Tell your sister I’m sorry I can’t take her to Disneyland for her birthday. I’m sure you and your lady will be able to take care of that.

I won’t lie to you and say I’m not having a rough time. How could I not parting way from my heaven sent best friend and my everything. I will miss you so much. 

Please allow me to say this one last time. My wonderful Hanbin, I love you. I will always love you. I hope we can meet as friends as we once were in the future.”

Leaning back onto the chair that barely seems to be able to support his sadness, Hanbin sighs dejectedly, a bitter chuckle breaches the corner of his lips. You were back with Hyunwoo after all. All his fear had been realized.

He lost you.

A sudden anger arises at the mention of your new love, or rather true love. Where the hell was he that you’ve been suffering all this time, all alone. He was supposed to make sure you’re safe. He was supposed to make sure you’re happy. All the days Hanbin spent by your side in the hospital, not once did Hyunwoo show up. Rage flashes, spreading like a brush fire in dry season, Hanbin slam his fist onto the small table before tearing away for another drink, already going against your words of taking care of himself.

It had been a mere 12 hours since Hanbin arrived to his destination but the anxiety of being separate from you already begin to surface, itching and aching through every inch of his body. It itches but when he reached out to scratch it dissipates, radiating out like an internal burn. It was nowhere but everywhere at once. There was no particular source of it he could sooth, no visible marks, just intense discomfort all throughout. Perhaps this grief with Hyunwoo for not taking care of his girl, Hanbin’s girl, properly pushes him just a little bit further over the edge than usual.

Deals signed in record time, even his own assistants couldn’t believe the aggressiveness of thousand lions pouring out from their own boss. He has no time to waste, no mind left to spare to entertain the pompous old man sitting across the table from him, all he wants now is to return home to the quietness of your hospital room, to the little niche he had made with you even if the imminent date of your awakening looms ahead like a great storm. He even finds himself missing the vexing beeps of your heart monitor. if he’s really honest, he had found solace in once again be able to listen to your heartbeat even if it wasn’t by pressing his face close to your chest while reveling in the pleasure of your soft hand carding through his jet black hair. 

Waiting impatiently in the rooftop cafe of his hotel, his foot taps to some random rhythm that seems to take the surface layer of the aching that resulted from missing you away, just a surface scratch. He gazes upon the spotless black sky dirtied with the city light, wishing hard to turn back time to that summer night spent making love to you under the stars. 

Oh what a summer that was. You had allowed him to take you to the furthest corner of your comfort zone, entrusting him wholeheartedly in all the crazy ventures he suggested even barely a few months into your young bud of a relationship. You both pushed your own limits to extents neither of you had before, physically and emotionally. You let him depended on your comforting embrace and cuddles like an abandoned puppy finally finding a permanent home to rest his weary mind, chipped away by a world he never truly belonged in. In return, he helps you get lost through his low grunts and your own moans of highs that only Hanbin could provide. He sighs out in satisfaction as his senses recall the ways you let him touched you, hold you. Ways that let him know you had given yourself fully to him, obeying his every word, drinking in every pass of his fingers. 

Perhaps the most memorable of all would be the hours laid under the bursting galaxy above that was so magnificent without getting stained by the city’s lights, bodies sticky with sweat, mind drunk amongst the depth of your post coital chat. Neither of you really minded that just bellow the thin cover, both your bodies were dirtied in the best way possible as he held you close to his chest. You spilled your heart and soul to which he reciprocated with everything he got, every secret he held, even the most intimate that had never taken a breath before that night. With each graze of your index along his soft skin, he felt himself sink further into this reality where only you and him exist. The money, being CEO, the pain of the past, none of those things matter when in this moment he had you safely by his side. 

God how he wishes to be able to call out to you just one more time. He just wants to hear the delight in your voice when you answer, the sparks in your eyes, the way your lips curve up without you even needing to command them to at his utterance of a simple “baby”. It’s such a simple wish. He’s not asking to be immortal or to be forever rich, he’s only asking for his baby girl back. Why couldn’t the universe just grant him this one simple wish. What good is all of his money and power for if he can’t even keep you safe and by his side. 

Just then, anguish in all the empty wishing upon millions of stars, he suddenly found another emotion coursing through his vein. An emotion so primal that perhaps he could argue it was born when man was created - anger. Out of the corner of his eyes appear the source of all his unpleasantness, like a predator, with a growl, he pounces on his prey.

“Hanbin, What the fuc-”

Before the tall boy could say anything, Hanbin already had him by the collar. Dragging Hyunwoo toward the staircases, Hanbin ignores the fact that Hyunwoo has several inches over himself, that his body packing way more muscles, that if he really wanted to, Hyunwoo could put him down with one punch. He left behind a young woman, very pretty Hanbin had to admit, although nowhere near your beauty. Panic stricken on her previously content features, dainty hand covering her mouth in pure shock. Her other hand grasping onto Hyunwoo desperately, lips whispering his name like a prayer. With all his might, Hyunwoo yanks away pressing a soft kiss onto the sun kissed skin of her cheek before grinning as if to let her know it was okay. She nods in return, eyes near tearing at this point but she stepped back, letting go of the needy grasp on his arm. Hyunwoo once again let Hanbin drags him off to a secluded corner before feeling himself being slam against the wall.

“She’s dying in the hospital yet you’re oversea, flirting with some girl. I thought you were better than this Hyunwoo.” He rages, wishing he could pummel the shit out of the cheater. He gave up his whole life, whole world so you and Hyunwoo could have another shot at happiness. Yet here the bastard was, smiling, arm in arm with someone else. He wonders if the girl even knew the man she’s so affectionately snuggling up to has a girlfriend, immobile all alone in the hospital bed. Or maybe she just doesn’t care.

“What in the world are you saying, Hanbin. I don’t understand.” Baffles, all Hyunwoo could do is stammers in confusion. If it wasn’t for the hand he has against Hanbin’s chest pushing him away, Hyunwoo was sure he’d soon pass out from the constricting hands Hanbin has on the collar of his shirt.

“Don’t play dumb, asshole. I didn’t break up with her so you can treat her like shit. How could you hurt her like that.” Hanbin seethes at Hyunwoo’s apparent ignorant. No longer were blood coursing through his veins but rather boiling hot magma. Hanbin could feel every inch of his body going numb from the heat of rage and no one can stop him now. 

“HANBIN. how dare you.” Hyunwoo snarls back at the ridiculous accusation. He had remained un-bias up till this point. He could understand why Hanbin decided on such stupidity. It’s action of a fool so deep in love he has gone borderline irrational. The hidden rage was well masked by an unsettling calmness he didn’t even think he could keep up with. After all, how could he not feel the slightest tinge of fury when he practically watched his best friend break down, reduced to a mere shell without a soul by an idiot that claimed to love her.

“I could ask you the same thing. You broke her heart and left her on the side of the road like yesterday news. I was there for her the past two months. Where the hell were you?” a strong prod from Hyunwoo’s finger found itself onto Hanbin’s chest, no doubt marking it with all the bitterness Hyunwoo felt watching you cried. “You think you’re a saint now that you “sacrifice” your relationship? Please, give me a break. I’m starting to think I made a mistake telling her to fight for you.” Hyunwoo shoves the angry man in front of him off , not even realizing how much strength he was exerting out of pure discomfort from having heard such preposterous things being said about himself. Nothing could make your usually calm and collect teddy bear happier now than landing a fist right across Hanbin’s face but he knew you wouldn’t like it so two months worth of pent up frustration went onto the wall behind Hanbin’s head instead. He had been siding with Hanbin for so long that he forgotten about the first reaction, the first emotion he had seeing you slumped over on your front door step that night. Pure white hot rage. “You shitty ass excuse for a boyfriend. Are you even a fucking man? You broke her heart but you couldn’t see her off properly? You couldn’t even take her home yourself? You had your assistant dragged her away like trash? Not even a goddamn proper explanation. Give me one reason right now to not kill you.” Hyunwoo had never been more glad for his grand stature than now as he hover over Hanbin with all the intimidation he could musters up.

Fist shaking in the air, Hanbin’s anger manifests itself before his senses overcome, dropping the would be punch out of confusion at the strange sentence. Letting his rival off, Hyunwoo backs away, brows furrow in an effort to decipher the expression on Hanbin’s face.

“Wait. What do you mean you told her to fight for me?”

“The girl was dying over missing you, dumbass. She kept questioning herself, saying that she wasn’t good enough. She thinks you were over her and uses me as an escape plan. Don’t make me regret all those night I spent convincing her that you still love her.” 

Dumbfounded, Hanbin crashes his weight onto the railing of the cold metal staircase. Both men stood there in silent, nothing but panting could be heard as they both try their best to collect themselves. Clearly, a big misunderstanding is afoot and neither of them are stupid enough to not realize so. Hyunwoo watches as Hanbin murmurs like a madman incoherent jumbles of “but she said” and “no, that’s not right” before he cuts him off, shaking his shoulders to snap him back to reality.

“Listen to me, she fucking wants you. Not me. We spent two months together, every single night. Every oversea trip I took, she was right there in the hotel room with nothing but thin air separating our bodies. Trust me when I say if there is something between us, it would’ve happen already.” Hyunwoo sighs. How could he not have seen this, it’s so you to pull some sort of stun like this. He leans back, shoulders resting against the cold wall feeling the exhaustion of the day pouring out. “I’ve moved on, Hanbin. That girl you’re accusing me of cheating on Y/n with, her name is Ella. She has been my personal assistant for the past 2 years, ever since I got promoted. She was the first person I had truly loved after Y/n but you know, moving on from someone like Y/n is a hell of a fucking feat.” He chuckles at the way your eyes sparks with delight when you realized the way Hyunwoo look at Ella, the same stare you felt all those years ago. He near had to throw you over his shoulders and run away when you had threaten to spill his secret after he failed to confess for the 3rd time. “She has been helping me making a move on her for a good month now. They actually had became pretty good friends. I get so scare every time they hide in the corner and giggling about lord knows what. God know where I’d be if she hadn’t pep talked me the whole way through. Before I left, she schemed a plan for me and it worked. I’m with Ella, Hanbin. We’re official. I have a girlfriend and it’s not Y/n.” Hyunwoo’s visage finally soften at the sheer utter shock breaking upon Hanbin’s pale face like dawn over a new day.

“WHAT?! but the way you talked about her that one time we met. Even that first time we saw you…” Hanbin could remembers that night clear at day. He had always felt guilty for swooping in on your vulnerable state but that night, that night was the last crack in his iceberg of selfishness. Hyunwoo stood there, stoic and silent but behind those kind droopy eyes, Hanbin could see a man in pain. A man that just witness his could be wife walked off with another man. What he couldn’t predict was the fact that Hyunwoo had been struggling with moving on for so long that in a rush of relief and nostalgia, he suddenly found himself lost. Lost in the flurry of the past, in the pain, and in guilts. All 3 years worth of emotion suddenly flushed back mixing with the pain of leaving and the guilt of moving on. Hyunwoo cried tears of what, he didn’t even know. All he knew was his heart was finally light watching the genuine smile on your face as you stared into Hanbin’s eyes. He knew Hanbin is your endgame. 

“We spent 3 years together as a couple, there will always residual feelings, nostalgia. Nothing will ever take that away. She was once my whole life and I was hers. Do you really think we could ever get rid of such important people in our lives just with the ticks of time? We still love each other…” Hyunwoo mulls over the word carefully, watching the way Hanbin’s expression twists up in pain, elated that his words affect the poor boy greatly. Not in a menacing way, of course, just in a way to see if this man in front of him is really worth your time and love. If he ever had doubts about Hanbin’s love for you, this anguish emanating from the ghost pale boy upon hearing the sentence “we still love each other” would be enough to dispel it all. If he even has any doubt to begin with. “…just not in the way you think we do. You don’t even know how glad I was to know she has you. You treated her million time better than I could ever have, ever will. You need to get over this true love bullshit. We’re not five watching Disney movies anymore. Happily ever after is what you make with the person you love, the person that love you. It’s not some ultimate god given will, alright? I thought Y/n was my heaven sent piece of forever but look at where we are. Ella is my forever now and you’re Y/n’s. Don’t fuck it up. Hyunwoo stares at Hanbin with those soft understanding eyes although to outsider, the way he’s raking his rough hand through his perfectly made hair would say otherwise. “I couldn’t admit to myself that I’ve moved on. I couldn’t bring myself to accept that I love someone other than her but Y/n, she has her way of bringing closure to everything. Judging from your tormented state, she did it to you too, didn’t she?” 

“She wrote me a letter. Wishing me well and pretty much said you two got b-back together.” Even saying it now pains Hanbin. Sure he had seen you snuggled up to Hyunwoo back in the days of his secret one sided crush. He’d smile every time you pressed a gentle kiss on Hyunwoo’s cheek, hoping someday he’ll be lucky enough to meet someone that’s never ashamed of showing her love so publicly. Deep down, he knew he had already met that person, just at a very wrong time. He was disappointed of course but what could he have done. You’ve been with Hyunwoo for almost 3 years when you bulldozed him over onto the cold pavement. Sometimes he had wondered what would happened if that fateful day just 3 years earlier. Now, now that he had a taste of how wonderful, how gloriously addicting your love could be, just the thought of Hyunwoo comforting you burns every millimeter of his body.

“She’s lying. She’s been miserable as hell. What funny is she actually think she could hide it from me, puts up a happy front. I could give her temporary comfort but long term, it’s all you man. Whatever it is you did that makes her think she has no chance of getting back with you. I don’t care what it is but if she lies, she did it so you’re not burden with the weight of knowing she’s hurting over missing you. I’ve been dropping her off at your work and picking her up for awhile now. I never thought she’d put herself in harm way like that. I’ve been oversea on a business trip for over a week now so I told her not to go by herself but she didn’t listen. Stubborn as a bull, that one is.” Hyunwoo’s words trail off at the thought of your steel liked mind and judging from the small chuckle falling off of Hanbin’s lips, he agrees. “My other assistant told me she’s in the hospital. I was ready to fly back, dropped all my meeting actually, but I was informed she’s in very good hands.” 

At this, Hyunwoo place a firm squeeze on Hanbin’s shoulder with a small understanding smile. Hanbin cards through his hair, blaming himself for being so stupid as to not see through your lies. It’s so you to pull a stunt like that. You had always put him before yourself.

“God… What the fuck is happening, man. I, I just don’t understand how she could pushed herself that far off the edge. If I hadn’t followed her that day…”

“But you did. And you caught her. Like always, you caught her when she needed you most. That’s what important. Look, I know the kind of person you are. You don’t do things without reason. And while I appreciate your concern for my love life, you really should’ve talk to both of us before sending her away like that. You know how she is, man. She’d rather sacrifice herself than have harm comes our ways. That’s her biggest flaw to be honest, she’s too kind to us shitty men.” Hanbin nods in agreement, sniffles grew loud in the relief the clear of all the storm clouds that had been plaguing his mind for much too long.

“I fucked up really bad, Hyunwoo. I don’t know if I can make things right. God, I wish I ran into you sooner.”

“Do right by her. Start over and beg for forgiveness. She been through enough, it’s time for her to be happy. We’ve both fucked up her life majorly. I missed my chance of making things right years ago but you still got plenty of time. I really want to thank you, for taking care of her after I left. I haven’t seen her so happy talking about anyone in such a long time.” He wasn’t lying. Hyunwoo knows better than to compare the love you have for Hanbin to the love you had for himself. Yet he still has to man up and admits that Hanbin is really your happiness from the way your eyes sparkles recalling all the good time. 

 

“A fair warning. She’s not exactly herself lately so she will give you a hard time especially if she misunderstand your intention but persevere. Go to her, she needs you.” Using the line of text that Hanbin used to send Hyunwoo your way, Hyunwoo finally got his chance to repay your love and kindness by sending Hanbin back into your arms. Walking away with a deeper understanding of each other, Hanbin and Hyunwoo spent hours that night talking about the delights you brought to their lives. How someone so small could impacted their lives in such monumental ways. They talk well into the morning, all the way till Hanbin got the call he had been anticipating.

“Hanbin ah, she’s awake!” His mom excitingly exclaiming over and over again through the phone. Hanbin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. First Hyunwoo gave him the best course of action of his life and now you’re awake. He feels like he had just won the lottery 3 times over. Both men of your life broke down into tears at the wonderful news, overjoy that you were back in their lives once more. Hyunwoo parts way but not without a giant hug to which Hanbin more than welcome. 

“Alright, I better check on Ella. She got so freaked out when you dragged me off.” Hyunwoo lingers at the doorway, basking in light of the newly formed friendship.

“Tell her I’m so sorry and I’ll make it up to you both. You know, you better save me a seat at your wedding. The way you gushed about her for the past 4 hours, I can already hear wedding bells.” Hanbin jokes with a supporting slap to Hyunwoo’s broad shoulder. Elates in the way the older boys blushing so intensely at the thought.

“You know what, I better be freaking best man at yours and Y/n’s. I mean, I think I had a pretty big part in this future holy matrimony, don’t you think? At least godfather to your first born? Yes?” Hyunwoo retorts sassily, earning a big shove from Hanbin as he saunters off down the winding hallway.

“Yea, yea. Get back to your lady before she thinks I killed you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight and good luck!” Both men wave each other off into their love ventures, hopeful that no matter the process, only happy endings await especially with the gain of a new friend in each other.

Awaken cold and alone, you summon all your strength into a futile attempt of sitting up only to come crashing down moments later. The loud thud stirs awake a sleepy Mrs. Kim slumping in the couch still hold the scent of her son whom spent nights wasting away to that rhythmic beeps. You grunt loudly, fingers move to yank away the constricting wire in a daze of confusion. Why were you attach to so many things, where the hell is this place. Your whimpers and whines grow loud as frustration settles in. Tears breaching the brim of your eyes, you nearly scream when a small gentle hand comes to caress your nappy locks.

“It’s okay… You’re safe. You’re safe.”

His mom repeats the small chant, each word eats at your nervous heart and unsettling mind until your hands drop away willingly, letting her soft dainty hand put everything back in place.

“Mrs. Kim? Wh- How?”

“None of that matter right now, okay? Rest and get healthy. My pretty daughter shouldn’t worry about anything right now. Focus on getting better.”

“I-” You couldn’t even get a single syllable out before the soft shushing of a concern mother hushes your anxiety back to sleep.

“Shh. Rest, I’m going to get the doctor okay?”

You nod, feeling the steel weight of your lids closing down on your vision… Whatever, however you get here will have to wait.

The second he landed, Hanbin mind tunneling in on the fastest route back to you. Knowing your heart, he can now confidently open his arms to embrace you back in his life. Nearly knocking over every person in the usually cold drab path that suddenly doesn’t seems so cold anymore. That stale yellow wall lining the way to his temporary home seems to be bursting with sunshine as he storms into your room with a loud bang of the door to only find it empty. Tottering toward the vacant bed, his lost eyes could still make out the hospital bag Lily and Jane had packed for you beside the nightstand. You’re definitely still here. The sun shining joyously matching his mood as he runs a hand over the bundled up blanket draping precariously over the edge, pulling it neatly back to where it should be. The sun’s rays dance upon the room, giving it a big burst of colorful joy to the usual quiet room. Set on his way to find you, his footsteps halt as the disheartening sight of a twinkle of gold caught his eyes. You were nowhere to be found but the necklace holding your ring left behind, lonely on the night stand.

Speeding back into the hallway, he clutches the ring close to his heart hoping you were just wandering around nearby. He suddenly finds himself smiling at the strange habit of yours, always wandering off the second he turns his back. He could still remember all the panic he had the first few months of being with you when one second you were clinging onto his hand, the next disappeared into thin air. Growing up as the heir to a big enterprise, he had always been taught to be cautious, to be aware so needless to say the carefree spirit you possess to think it was completely normal to jog down the street to pet a dog without a care in the world isn’t something he was used to. He’d always get worried sick but never angry with you, just sigh in relief the second he spotted your figure hovering over someone’s dog or staring into a cafe to check the menu.

A few minutes of frantically searching, his eyes soften at the familiar back and tousles of messy hair in the distance soaking in the warmth of the sun. Steps slowed down, he carefully approaches, mulling over his opening line with great care because honestly, this could be the happiest day of his life or the day where he loses you all over again. Sitting down onto the next seat, he couldn’t help but fidget with a strange sense of, of something so familiar yet he couldn’t figure out what. The way your features glow in the light takes his breath away, so much so that the souring taste of acid reflux from being so uncomfortable to think that he needs to brainstorm before talking to you was being wash away completely. Since when did he ever needs a filter to talk to you, the one person that will accept all his words no matter how silly or how philosophically profound they might be. Oh, that’s right, since the day he threw you away like trash but right now, right now he can’t take his eyes off of you even if you’re just wearing the simple hospital gown. As if he had seen an angel, he forgets about the entire world, lost in the familiarity of your features. Smiling like an idiot, the flutters of your eyelashes with each blink mesmerize him into a trance. How cute are the rosy pink cheeks, bitten by the cold. The way you purse your lips entrap him, leaving him wondering what you were thinking about. After spending so long staring at you sleep, he’s overjoy even with just watching you space out.

“I tried to leave, but they said without your permission they can’t give me the release form…”

You speak up so unexpectedly, startles the lovesick boy out of his reverie. Catching himself drooling over you, he clears his throat before humming out a quiet answer.

“hmm, they informed me of your transfer request.”

“They won’t even let me do that… unless I can pay for the fee in full amount. I didn’t think you were this kind of person, Hanbin.” Your voice firm, unwavering yet your mind a mess from forcing yourself to speak so coldly to the man you love, the man that’s having your heart hammering so hard he probably already figured you out by now. Finally facing his way, the aloofness so prominent on your face scares him. He was so ecstatic, delirious with joy that he had forgotten about Hyunwoo’s warning of just how you might react even if you still love him. Needless to say the cold in your voice shocks him to bits.

“Using money to keep me hostage. You know damn well I can’t pay the fee. Why’d you even bring me to this fancy ass place for? just leave me in one of those cheap clinic.” You press on but wary of the surrounding, scare of making a scene of who might be listening in. The last thing you want is for Hanbin’s image to be tarnish because you cause a scene out of fake spite for him.

“Don’t you dare say that. You deserve the best treatment in the world. You have all my asset at your disposal. Wha-Why would you say such a thing.” He blurts out, stuns, incredulous at your ridiculous statement, almost even a bit angry that you’d think he’d abandon you so carelessly. How could you possibly think so poisonously when his intention is purely because he’s care. He had began to reach out for your tear stained rosy cheek when your glare made him understood his touch was no longer welcome. Sadden, he cowers back in his seat and his hand painfully returns to his lap.

“What do you care…” He flinches once again at how flat and cold your voice had become. Where was that sweet like honey voice he loves so much. Where were those fresh, crisp laugh that reminds him of a spring morning. Who is this person so disdainful sitting in front of him, criticizing all his action that he had done out of nothing but pure love. His mind spins so fast Hanbin was getting dizzy from adjusting to this new you that he wasn’t sure he wants to get use to.

“I care a lot. I care because I love you. You’re mi- uhm, you were mine, you were my baby. You’re still my friend. We were friends even before we were together for god’s sake. Why wouldn’t I care?” Addressing you in past tense is something Hanbin never got used to. In fact, he resists with all his might to get used to it. He was still referring to you as his girlfriend even well into the 3rd week of the break up. Every now and then he’d temporary forget, letting himself get lost in this carefree pocket of life and calling out your name only to have it echoed dejectedly around an empty house.

“Love” you scoff at the ridiculous sentiment. “Bit late for that, don’t you think?” Before he could say anything else, the gentle voice of your attending nurse cuts off his torture.

“Miss Y/n, let’s go get your lungs check up.”

With a small smile, you roll your IV pole away, leaving him stammering like an idiot at your pure coldness. Having rushed home so quickly, he barely had anytime to anticipate how you would react. He knew it was wrong to use the hospital authority, to use money to force your hand but he was so scared. Scared that you would leave the second you wake up. Scared that you would scurried back into the night, leaving him lost. After all, Hyunwoo had just told him the night before you were planning on moving away, out of his reach. He knows once you’re out of that apartment, he has no tie to your life, no way of reaching out to you. You’d be lost forever in the universe.

Following the gentle-voiced nurse, you swing your head slightly back at his direction, stealing a few glances of the handsome boy you’ve been dying receive affection from. Indisputably glowing under the soft winter sun even in simple black sweatpants, t-shirt, and the leather jacket that, tho he rarely wears it, used to drive you absolutely bonkers when he did. Elbows resting on his knees, he buries his face deep within the palms, fingertips rubbing gently at his hairline, you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pain spreading through your chest and it wasn’t because of your illness. You secretly wish you would just stay sick a bit longer, that way you can keep him for yourself just for a bit more. You bit your lips to force the regret of not falling into his arms threatening to vomit out of your heart back in. 

Waiting patiently in the small armchair beside your bed, he couldn’t help but feel his heart clenches at the image of the ring laying carelessly on the night stand. Never once did he sees you without it until that night he so ruthlessly slipped it off your finger despite your protest. In a way, Hanbin knows he deserve all of this but he couldn’t help but pray to all the Gods that you’d be the kind hearted girlfriend he loves. Staring at his own worn out ring on his finger, the thought of the two rings that should be occupy your finger remain ownerless plague his mind like the worst kind of storm. Spinning it around his finger, his mind races against time, steaming to figure out how he could get you to talk to him. The sudden sound of the metal lock shock him out of his own thought, leaving him smiling at your emerging self.

“You’re back!” A bright smile greets you first thing through the door and you could feel your icy heart melting.

“Yea, like I can go anywhere else.” Although feeling like an ass, you needed to do it for yourself. He has someone new, giving into his affection would just mess you up further when he leaves.

“What did the doctor say. How’s your lungs?” anxious vexes on his face, stomach stirring at the thought that you’re unwell then at the though that you were leaving him soon if you’re well. 

“Uhm, no fluid so it’s good.” an awkward smile creeps onto your lips and you just feel strange. You were so used to just crashing into his arm coming back from doctor appointment and he’d just welcome you with no question ask. He knew how much you hated doctor, hated hospital and if him just holding you could replace all the discomfort stem from it then hold your for days he will. He’d waste a whole day just snuggling up close to his chest whenever you were sick. Although according to Hanbin, it’s not wasted if it’s something done out of love. You need that so bad right now but it’s as though there’s a big invisible wall in between you both.

“Tha-that’s good! That’s really good, you can leave soon then.”

If you didn’t know any better, you could swear he sounds disappointed? Must be a trick your lonely heart played, how could he be disappointed, after hall he pushed you away and got himself a new woman. 

Although the good news relieves all his pain, all his worries, he couldn’t help but face the reality of what will come next. Once you’re out of the hospital, would you still let him stay by your side? Cater to your needs?

“Yea… I guess” you do know better and your answer is definitely laced with disappointment. As you clamber into bed, he holds your arm, fluff your pillows, set up the TV remote so it was within range of your hold. Shyly, he pulls the cover over your body, helping you lay down. Each touch of his fingertips sear into your heart. You could feel it beating again with the force of a volcano ready to explode. Privately in your heart, you let your soul basks in the warmth that shames even the sun’s playful rays emanating from the caring man. You could see the bite on his lower lip, the way he leans up just a smidgen aiming for your forehead but that kiss never came. Instead, He retreats back to his favorite couch pulling out stacks of paper and once again, your hospital room turns into his office.

Eyes on the TV screen, you couldn’t help but peek over every other minute to look at the gorgeous face under the pair of tortoise colored glasses. You had always have a thing for Hanbin and glasses, always wondering what kind of student he was in college, whether he would’ve give you any of his time. Now and then, you would catch him peeking over, using whatever documents he’s holding to appear as inconspicuous as possible, smiling softly at your resting form and giggle at the thought that he thinks he’s slick. Every so often, you would have a cough attack and immediately, Hanbin would be right by your side, offering water, rubbing circle on your back while his wincing face tells you he much he wishes to replace your spot in the hospital bed. If you’re being really honest, you’re drinking up all his attention like a crack on the desert floor after a big rain storm. You couldn’t help but fake cough just to get him close without giving into his attentiveness that’s no doubt chipping at your heart.

By the day end, he had forgotten that it was awkward for him to touch you, to pet your head occasionally while pacing the floor on his phone, taking care of company’s business. Embolden by your lack of refusal, he even slips his index under your chin grazing it affectionately as he used to whenever he thinks that you did something cute. Before you could react, he had already sauntered away, rambling about one thing or another to the person over the phone. Truthfully, you couldn’t be loving the small contacts any more than now knowing maybe after this hospital stay is over so will his affection.

For most part he left you alone, fearing any action, even meaningless one would push you away. He already feels so blessed to be able to work in the same room with you without being smite by your spiteful words, to just being able to watch you from afar. He should be used to this as he had watched you for so long before he got to call you his girlfriend but in reality, it’s so hard now that he had a taste of what life really is like being your everything.

Time seems to past painstakingly slow when the only person able to distract you from the cough and the boredom on staring at the same four walls is the same person your pride won’t allow you to be friend with. Staring at your dashing roommate, you wish things were the way it was. Instead of distancing himself on the lonely couch, he’d be tuck into bed right by your side. He’d shower you with kisses the second your eyes open, petting your hair, holding your hands. Instead, all you get now is a few glances he’d steal whenever he thinks you’re not paying attention. Being Hanbin’s girlfriend was easy. He’s attentive when it comes to catering to whatever your desire be. If you wanted hug, he could be working on super important document and still let you cling onto his back. Now, even though your body uneasy, feeling like there’s electricity running through every vein, itching for his touch, you can’t even ask for it. You wish he’d just go to sleep but knowing him, sleep time would be closer to sunrise than sunset. Sighing loudly, you return your gaze to the mindless show on TV. 

Luck seems to be on your side tonight as not even 5 minutes past midnight, Hanbin weary self had slumped over on the couch, snoring away softly. Waiting another half hour to be safe, you softly creep off your bed and silently make your way to him. The way his eyes twitches, lips slightly part, arm drapes across his forehead, hand holding onto his glasses precariously, everything about him was still so perfect. Allowing yourself to get lost in the past, your fingers reach out hesitantly to trace his nose ridge down to his jawline. You lost count of how many times he’d get so hyped up to watch a movie but always ended up slumbering through most of it out of sheer exhaustion from work with his head on your lap. You’d always just watched the gentle rise and fall of his chest while letting your fingers tangled in his soft locks. He loved the small little shivers you sent through his body from just something as simple as petting his hair.

Moving further down, your hand rest easy flat upon his chest, soaking in his beating heart. A small tear trail down your cheek as you timidly press a small kiss onto his stilled lips, wishing he’d wake up and kiss you back. You carefully peel his fingers away from his glasses and the stack of paper still tightly clung, settling them down onto the desk. Pulling a spare blanket from the closet, you encase his body into the soft material before allowing yourself to steal another kiss, on his forehead this time. A soft moan tear you away from your day dream, sending your body scurrying back to the large bed to avoid confrontation in case he wakes up.

The loud clank of the remote hitting the floor shocks Hanbin out of his work trance. Glancing up, he chuckles at your attempt to fish the remote without getting out of bed. Currently draping yourself, half hanging off the bed, you sigh out a frustrated “ayyye” before your prince once again, abandon work just to entertain your little needs.

“Hmm… sorry…” You whisper timidly, finger quick to push a messy strand of hair behind your ear to peek at your loving prince. You were blushing so intensely when he flashes his dimple that you wonder if he had just figured out you’re only putting on a tough front with him. Judging from the way his hand purposely brushing against yours while placing the remote back in your hand, you would say that option weren’t too far-fetch. God, the way his smile lingers a bit too long on his lips reduces you to a melting puddle of mess. You’d be giggling like a school girl too if it had not been for the battle against yourself to put up a tough exterior, a battle that you can feel you’re slowly losing grip on. 

“Was I too loud? I’ll move all my work stuff back to my office tomorrow morning. I know you need rest, it’s getting pretty late too.” 

You sit silently for a minute, staring at those loving brown eyes. You wish for nothing more but for him to stay close by but that would be too selfish. He has someone new and you were just pulling him back into some confuse crazy whirlwind. Why couldn’t you just be strong, yell at him or get angry. That way he could just walk away without feeling guilty. Sensing that everything is less than okay, Hanbin backs away slowly, retreating to his couch before cleaning everything up in a flurry. His heart aches. He had thought you were finally begin to seek comfort with him once again but looks like he gave himself false hope. Sniffling quietly, he chuckles out of the amusement of how easily he thought you’d let him back into your life. After the stunt he had pulled, did he really expect for you to welcome him back with open arms? He questions himself, nearing the brink of tear but he silences himself. Little did he knows, all his movement scrutinize to the extreme with a fine toothed comb by your eyes.

If he had moved on, why does it looks like he’s less than thrill to leave?

Lord knows what comes over you the next second but whatever it was, it lifts Hanbin’s hope greatly.

“Stay…” You speak up softly, biting your lips, mulling over whether this really was the right thing to do. “…If you want. It does get lonely here by myself.” 

“You sure?” He asks and immediately regretting giving you an option to back out of the offer.

“Yea. Stay! It’s kinda too quiet in the morning when you leave for work… I could use the company.” You speak again, more confident this time as he moves closer to your side. A soft smile plays across his lips before he did something so unexpected it hurts even more than your aching lungs. He kisses you and you couldn’t bring yourself to reject the act of love you’ve craved for so long. You had always loved being kiss by Hanbin. He leans into it so delicately it almost felt unreal. Your quivering lips stay still, mulling over the taste of his lips, horrify at how foreign everything feels. Fear runs deep through your spine, how could his kiss feels so strangely distant already after only a mere few months. By no mean it was foreign because of the taste, or how they feel moulding against yours. It wasn’t the fact that he’s so awkwardly stilled instead of grabbing at any part of your body he could nor was he deepening the kiss as he should. It was the fact that the kiss wasn’t the same happy ones you two shared countless times through out your wonderful time together, the one you’d ask for without any reason and he’d give you without questioning. A shiver shoots through every cell of your body at the thought of how far away he’d be after a year. 

Although brave enough to finally take his chance, he could barely move fearing you’d refuse him at the slightest movement. He stands there with his arms awkwardly hang loose on his sides, back aching from the strange angle he had found himself bending over to be close to you yet he’d die before he breaks contact with your lips, his drug. Unexpectedly, your lips part way allowing his wavering nerve to push his lower lips in between your cracked ones, a soft satisfying moan fills the room. If he has to tally up all his luck, he’d say today would be the luckiest day of his life as your hand reluctantly reaches out to grasp onto his shirt, balling it up in your closed fist. Taking his chance, he edges himself onto your bed, newfound conviction coursing through his veins. You let your hand wanders onto his chest, caressing the body you had missed terribly to hold for the last few months. Even with his tongue plunging deep within your mouth now, his hands still unsure of where they’d be allow so he decided to simply rest it on your thighs. Sensing his hesitation, you trail your fingers up across his collar bones, wrapping firmly at the nape of his neck before pushing deep into his hair gratifying all his senses just the way he had been missing. 

“Hanbin…” 

You whisper so quietly that he was scared he heard you wrong but all his doubt thrown out the window the moment he feels your chest pressing closer to his, desperate to deepen the connection. Breaking away for a second just to get a good look at the face of his love, he grins satisfyingly at your blown out pupils and how your face looks so blissful it almost resembles the mess he used to left you after a long session of love making. He basks in the pride of still being able to captivate you with just his lips even after all this time. His hands rest easy on your hips, pulling you squarely onto his lap without much resistant.

“Hmm, baby… I miss you.”

He sighs onto your lips, taking his chance before you snap out of whatever high you’re on that let him kiss you in the first place. Humming in reply, you have your arms around his torso now, tighten behind his back as he cups your cheeks with both hands. He pulls you closer, as if that was even possible at this point and you acquiesce in his action, nudging your body against his. You could feel all the tension in your heartstrings loosen. One hand slowly trailing along the curve of your spine, Hanbin somehow manages to raise all your hair on its ends as he twist and turn, attempting to exploit every bit of your vulnerability. He knows it’s wrong to take advantage of your confused heart but he couldn’t care. He was far too desperate to stop and your lack of refusal only embolden his venture.

“I miss you too…” 

Once again you were Hanbin’s girl. You feel his love permeates from his heart through the kiss and you only see him. You were ready to let go, to let him have his way with you, to be love one more time.

Just when everything begins to feel right, the ugly thought of the angel liked girl giggling her way into your brain forcing your eyes open. He was still deep, lost within your kiss with his eyes shut tightly, a few tears dotting his long lashes. You push him off with all your might, sending yourself tumbling backward on to the bed. He sits there in shock, in pain, mouth gapes wide open for anyone to see before he could even realize what was happening, his hands already reaching out to encase you in his embrace once more. To his dismay, you reject it with all your strength. He couldn’t believe it. His happiness is being rip away once again and he can’t do anything to stop it. It was inevitable, he knows that much but he wishes it wasn’t so soon.

“No. No. How could you?” You exasperate, tears welling up. 

“Baby… Please don’t be like this. I know I messed up” His trepidation grows at your painful expression. Had he gone too far? His heart felt like it was the right thing to do. You kissed him back but what went wrong? His hands reach out for you but painfully you flinch backward instead.

“Messed up?” You groan with disgust. “Hanbin you dumped me, in case you forgot. There’s nothing between us anymore. I really think you should stop calling me that… wouldn’t your girl mind? If she doesn’t then I’m pretty sure she would mind that kiss. Goddamn it, Hanbin, I don’t want to be the bad guy here.” You whine. The thought of hurting another person like an arrow through your heart. How would she feels if she had found out he spent the last three days camped in his ex’s hospital room. The pain she’ll go through would be unbearable when she finds out you made out with her man. Her man. Even thinking about that hurts.

“Babe… please don’t think about me like that. I’m loyal to only you, that girl you saw, she’s just a friend. We’ve been friend for awhile and she was visiting from Europe. I haven’t seen her since before we got together. We were just on our way to dinner and, and I didn’t want her to see me so miserable so I pretended. I’ve read your letter. You misunderstood, baby. Please.”

“The way you held her…” You croak painfully, shutting your eyes so forcefully tears spilling over from the thought of his arm around her shoulder warmed from his jacket.

“Is nothing compare to the way I used to hold you, still want to hold you. Baby, out of everyone you should know that the best.”

Frustrated at the thought that you would think he’d betray you in such way so shortly after the breakup, he walks off toward the window, stopping short of just jumping out of it to hide away. Discontent taut on his forehead as his brows furrow. He just couldn’t believe you’d think of him in such a light. Sure he expects you to hate him, to slap or kick him in the nuts but to accuse him of being unfaithful is something that he can’t accept.

Full of regret, you hide away in the safety of your blanket. You were careless. So careless that you hadn’t even consider the possibility he has his own version of Hyunwoo. Not once did he gets angry with you for spending time with your ex yet here you laid, accusing the man that had given you everything, getting jealous that he was happy without you. 

Even though it hurts, he knows ultimately this was all his doing. He has no right to be mad, to be annoyed at your discord with his action but he can’t help it. To him, you were never truly gone. At the same time he understands as he not even a week ago picked a fight with your gentle bear best friend out of frustration, of misunderstanding, but also very much out of jealousy. 

“Baby… look at me, please. I love you, so so much. I know I don’t deserve you after the way I shunned you off. You have every right to be mad at me, hate me. But please, don’t think I would ever betray your love. What about that kiss that one night…Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“What? I- But you were sleeping. You can’t- No how is it possible?”

“I learned to be alert even in my sleep after the first night spending here watching you. I had to be aware, to be here when you wake up so i changed my sleep habit I guess. The thought of you waking up in confusion laying in a strange room, a hospital room at that… I couldn’t let that happen.”

His heart aches at your shivering form under the blanket. The way your body curls up so small as if you wish you could just disappear from the room.

“It doesn’t matter, Hanbin. We’ve broken up… you’re free…free to do whatever you please, whoever you please. Don’t think you need to explain yourself to me.”

“No, we… we. I don’t want us to end. I never wanted us to end. God what I would give to take all your pain away.”

“But you can’t. We all have things we want but life doesn’t work that way. You’re finally happy again, take it, hold it close and don’t let go.” your words feeble through your tear and the weakness of your own heart.

“Happy? You think I’m happy without you? God, baby. I’m miserable. I’m insufferable to everyone around me. The happiest thing that happened to me the past two months was seeing you wait so patiently for me everyday like the good girl you are even when you know I won’t talk to you. Do you even know what that does to me? I’ve watch and re-watched the security footage of you sitting at that bench so many time i’ve lost track. When you’re not there, i’d go and sit where you would sit, imagining your body, soaking in your present. I wanted to die without you.” He vexes hoping to convey how painful it was to watch you but couldn’t touch you, knowing that you were waiting but he can’t relent to his temptation of meeting you.

You sit up with such force you could feel the whiplash liked creak in your neck. Blanket flings off in a flurry of anger, you roughly shove your hand through your hair, nearly ripping off every strand.

“Then why the fuck did you left me huh? Out of all those days, all you had to do was smile at me but GOD. The first time I saw you smile in months, it wasn’t for me, it wasn’t because of me. It was her. All you had to do was hug me, Hanbin and I would’ve given you everything. But instead you left me there, in the cold.” Your words choke in your throat as if warning you to stop before it’s too late, before they leaves you wallow in regret from pushing the love of your life too far. “ Why am I even here, huh? All those days I was crying on my own, all I wanted was a simple hug, something to acknowledge my presence but I couldn’t even get that. You know how ridiculous that feel, Hanbin? Here’s a guy that claimed he loves me with all his life, with all his might but I was shivering in the cold on my own, he couldn’t so much as spare me a glance but oh no, it’s wrong for me to assume he had moved on.” You huff in exhaustion, damn all the coughing, damn this illness, damn it all as you clutch your chest from the short heaves of your lungs that barely provide enough oxygen. “ What? You think because you sent a replacement that you’re instantly clear of all charges? How dare you, Kim Hanbin. Playing God with my life like I’m some rag doll for you to mess with. Son Hyunwoo is someone precious to me. How dare you roped him into this sick game of yours. Shoving him my way like some secondhand incentive. He is not a thing for you to mess with. He’s dear to my heart no matter how my relationship had ended with him. I thought you were brave but no. You’re just a damn coward that uses everyone. You were sick of me so you throw me aside, claiming Hyunwoo still loves me. That you, sir, somehow knows my heart better than myself. I did get confuse for a bit… Maybe there’s some truth to your words. Maybe you do know me so I doubted myself. Disgustingly felt sorry that I put you through such a tough situation. How dare you mess with someone’s heart like that. I hate you, Hanbin.”

Your rage boils superficially like a volcano, threatening to explode any second. You no longer care how much tear or snot stream out of your face as your glare at him with the utmost poisonous of eyes. Horror shields those loving eyes of his away from you as he bit his lips shut. He blames himself every second of every day for putting you in that hospital bed. No word could describe the staggering heartbreak he felt seeing you so lifeless, silent amongst the beeping of the machines. He couldn’t believe his ears, his brain can’t for the life of it register the word “hate” coming out of your mouth with such force. Sure you had jokingly said it before but now, now you really do mean it.

“Love me…” You scoff, a mirthless grin flashes on your face and honestly it scares Hanbin. Never once did he knows of such an dark, almost evil look to take root in your features. No, to him you’re not capable of doing any harm, of being mean. This, this has to be the result of the mess he started. It pains him to see bitterness oozes from your every pore knowing it’s all because of him. From the moment he had laid eyes on you, he wishes for nothing more but to protect the sunshine and innocent you possess that’s so different from the rest of his cold and calculated world. Alas, he had lost that battle. “You know, when the light inside a lighthouse break, the keeper would change the lightbulb, tweaks the setting, not replacing the light house. You… You damn went and destroy the whole thing. This, this so called light house, beacon of ‘love’ that you said I had built for you brick by brick. Gone. And you! You’re the one that torn it all down.”

He knew this would happen but no preparation in this world could be enough for this moment. You rip all his breaths, all his words, all his thought away with that agonizing tinge contorting your face into a frown. You were looking at him now, just like he wanted but that heartbreaking sight of your tear make him feels like a helpless little boy standing on the shore being crush by the unimaginable force of an oncoming wave. Clutching his chest, once again like a coward, he runs away in tear leaving you stunned with the loud slam of the door.

“Shit, what did I do.” You sat there helpless watching his back turning away, leaving you to fend for yourself once again. You’ve done it. You’ve finally push him out of your life permanently.

Muttering a soft “No”, you want nothing more but for him to come back, to kiss you again. Like a fool, you lost your chance just because you’re an angry bitter person. Why couldn’t you just hold off on being selfish for one second and just say you love him. Reality come crashing down as the rhythmic beeps of the machine returns with dead air as its companion and the dust of fury had settled. You shed tears now not of frustration but of self pity. You had the best man in the world pinning after you but what did you do? You push him away. Uncontrollable sob and screams pulsate from your lungs and you couldn’t care less who hear. It’s none of their business anyhow.

“It’s okay, Y/n… it’s okay.” 

A good minute past before you could register the heat leaking into your pale cold skin and the soft, gentle voice lulling you back down from your high. Your eyes flutter open to find your head resting on Hyunwoo’s strong shoulder as his fingers softly comb through your hair.

“It’s okay, babe. You got it out. You got your anger out. Let it go, don’t hold it back.” 

“I messed up, Hyunwoo. H-He…fuck. Hanbin’s not coming back… He told me she was just someone he trusts and I still accused him of moving on. He has every right to move on, Hyunwoo. I…” You yank vexingly at the endless wires and the loose collar of your hospital shirt that suddenly feel all too constricting. “I gotta go find him…” Hyunwoo tighten his hold on your shivering body, soaking away the frustration that’s wrecking your every fibre. It’s useless to even fight the grasp of your gentle bear as he soothes away all your aching with every pass of his hand over your back.

“He will. Trust me. He will but you gotta meet him halfway, babe. You can’t push him away like that. I know he messed up but get over your pride. You want him back. He loves you unconditionally, he won’t look down on you or laugh at you. Just show him you need him. The boy is ready to give you the whole galaxy if you ask for it. The least you could do is give him a chance. If not for him, for yourself. Like you said, you deserve to be happy.”

“I wanted to…” Your eyes falter to the spot he once sat so patiently typing away on his laptop. You heart aches for the sight of him taking a peek at you with a soft smile on his face. He had always looked at you like you’re the only girl in the world but in your tormented twisted mind, you couldn’t see that… Why couldn’t you just see that.

“Look, I’m not taking his side. I’d beat the shit out of him if I could but I know that only hurts you so I’ll just be honest. You think the last two months had been hard on you and I agree. No one should ever feel this pain but let me tell you the side you don’t know. He’s hurting a lot more than you think he is. When we broke up, you had Hanbin constantly catering to your needs…” The slight pause in his comforting tone has your heart twisting up in guilt. For the first time since having your life line reconnected, you really look at Hyunwoo as you did all those years ago. The pain of first love still linger beneath the calm facade and that sad smile of his. Those kind eyes were still the same but perhaps a bit more worn. Those lips, that smile, everything were still so familiar yet so different. You’ve been so selfish with playing the victim that you really had forgotten the other half of this world of pain. You had forgotten to listen. “I was alone, dealing with losing you all on my own and let me tell you this, hurt isn’t even just a word anymore. It’s my being, my breath, my mind, everything hurt. It felt so bad that I was in constant shock over what had happened and honestly, I can’t tell you how many time I got close to dropping everything and running back to you. It’s unfathomable, Y/n, the kind of pain that I felt, Hanbin still feeling, knowing we did this to you. I couldn’t eat, sleep. I secluded myself. Every time I was beginning to feel happy again, guilt, guilt just override everything. The moment I found someone else, I couldn’t help but just think of how miserable you must be. Do you know what kind of relief I got when I saw you clutching onto Hanbin’s arm when I ran into you two on your 2nd anniversary? It’s like torrential downpour on my cracked dry, drought heart. Like the biggest weight got lifted off my chest and I could breathe again knowing you were happy with someone else. For once in my life I could be happy without feeling guilty.”

“I’m sorry…” The one thing that you will never forgive yourself was that you let Hyunwoo dealt with the heartache all on his own. Nights after nights you’d laid awake in bed, imagining what kind of horrifying pain he must’ve felt being in a foreign country all alone dealing with a break up but at the end of the day, you still fell asleep in the warm safe embrace of Hanbin. Hyunwoo on the other hand… You couldn’t even worked up enough courage for an apology. 

“No, it’s not your fault. We both decided on parting way and we both felt the pain of it. Sometimes, nobody is at fault…. Life is just cruel. All I’m saying is, be that relief for Hanbin. He’s all alone in that cold office. He’s a lonely man, Y/n. You were always that salvation to his “sad, pathetic life”. His words, not mine.”

“What?” You raise your eyebrows, wincing a bit at the sound of “sad” and “pathetic”. Why would Hanbin says such preposterous thing?

“We ran into each other in Japan and he spent all night just doting over your little quirks. His eyes light up anytime I mentioned your little habits and he’d exclaimed excitingly that you still do those things. There’s a lot of thing he knows about you that you don’t even realize. I know you already know this but the guy, he had been beaten up by this dog eat dog world enough. Let him be happy. He will never be happy again knowing you’re still hurting. If you don’t love him anymore, let him know so he can moves on. But I know you do. He’s your true love, Y/n. I admire the kind of love you two share. Let yourself breathe, babe. Just go. Go and be happy with him.”

With the last words of his well wishing, Hyunwoo gently lift you away from his shoulder and press a soft kiss to your forehead. He was grateful because you brought him happiness, even more now that you had brought him and Ella together even with your own loneliness looming like a big storm. All that needed for his world to be perfect now would be for you to be happy.

“You know what’s funny? He used to say the same thing about our love. He said we inspired him.”

Hyunwoo and you both chuckle at the strange thought that somehow your love inspired Hanbin to pursue you the way he did. Somehow out of all the fuckery life threw at you both, Love grew from the sadness of a broken first love. You sat there in Hyunwoo’s arms for God know how long musing over the strange way life played out, how at one point you were all strangers but now… Now you, Hanbin, Hyunwoo, and Ella all found solace in being an irreplaceable part in each other’s lives.

He wasn’t happy coming back to his company in a chaotic mess but it wasn’t anything Hanbin couldn’t handle. A part of him was thankful for the dire need for overtime as his weary heart can’t take much more emotional trauma. If there’s one thing he learned about this cruel business world is that it’s as cold as a polar bear’s toe is that there would be no need for him to “feel” when dealing with these pesky business ventures.

A pat on the back and a supportive squeeze on the shoulder from his dad signaling the crazy 36 hours overhaul had come to and end. Hanbin sinks down into the large leather chair finding himself wondering what you were doing at this moment, if you were eating well. The small clock on his wall ticks 11:30 PM as he hails a small breath of relief. He had gone straight into the company the second he left your hospital room and hadn’t left since. He barely ate, only shower out of the necessity of looking presentable to the other CEOs. The last two days were just a big blur of stumbling in and out of conference rooms. His eyes grew tired of the same beige wall and set of circular desk and chairs. He misses the calming pastel blue wall of your hospital room. It reminded him of the beach and he wonders if you knew, would you laugh at him for thinking such a weird thought. The slight hum of your bedside humidifier reminds him of the wave crashing the shore. Most of all, he knows just on that bed not too far away from his soft couch laid the brightest sun in his galaxy. He couldn’t help but grin like an idiot at the way your face so shyly sneaking a peek when you think he was too enthralled in his paperwork to notice. He was only partial to the idea of pushing the kiss onto you until he caught your silent school girl giggle one time when he had fumbled a donut onto his documents, twice, cussing at the round chocolate ring obstructing some very crucial numbers. Underneath the brooding tough girl in front of him was still the adorable little Y/n he loves.

It was only now that he realizes the lack of his personal phone as he reaches into his empty pocket to get a glimpse of your picture he still has as his lockscreen background. He had snuck it during an afternoon stroll by the river. Too busy fumbling around with change to pay the street vendor for some shaved ice, he failed to notice you had once again left his side and ran off to a cute herd of puppies. Dessert in hand, he turned around to only met with the empty spot you had excitedly hopping in when he said he’d get you food. He knew better by this point to really worry, instead, eyes searching for what could distract you away from him. When the sight of you squatting in front of three dogs, laughing away without a care caught his eyes, he couldn’t help but captured the way your bright smile seemed to put everything else to shame. 

Rushing down to his car, he feels his lungs constricting from the raging adrenaline, the pure needs of seeing your face. Hastily pressing in the passcode, his heart elates to see 4 messages from a number he knows all too well despite having deleted it from his contact.

[3:51 AM] Can we talk?

[3:55 AM] I know you must be sleeping. Sorry… I’m getting discharge soon.

[9:00 AM] It’s okay if you don’t want to. I know the last time we spoke, I wasn’t exactly civil… I just wanted to say a proper goodbye… It’s been over a day since you left and I don’t blame you if you don’t want to see me again. I just want to thank you again, for the best few years and for always being there when I needed most. I realized all I’ve done thus far is yell at you but never once thanked you for rescuing me. God know where I’d be now had it not been for you that day, so thank you. 

[6:25 PM] I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. Goodbye, love. I wish you the best. I love you, always.

“Fuck” was all he could mutters before tearing out of the parking lot leaving a trail of scorched tire marks on the ground and the unpleasant scent of burnt rubber swirling around the empty lot. Racing down the silent hall, he earned a few ire shush from the nurses but his heart couldn’t be bother. With a scream of your name, he slams the door open only to be meet with compete silent. Eyes tracing every details of the immaculate room, a flutter of the wings of fear settles in his chest. He’s too late. The empty hospital bed neatly made and the mess of a duffle bag you had next to the night stand, gone. The only remnant of you left is the gold glint of the old worn out promises sitting lonely on the night stand.

His weight drops onto the floor as if his life and soul vacated, leaving their meat suit to fend for itself. Stammering “I’m sorry” repeatedly, tears flood the frail face. For the first time since he broke your heart, you truly see how far gone his heart had been. It was easy for you to blame the cold image of the guy that had ordered for your removal from his office but seeing Hanbin now, your Hanbin… You wish for nothing but take all his pain away.

He had torn your heart but at the same time, with his own hand, he pulverized his own. In his bruised chest, a void in place of what used to be a heart. He had done his work now it’s your turn. The sight of him so broken kills you. Softly tip toeing into the room shutting the door gently, small pitter patter make their way to the boy lost in his own black hole. You sit next to him but his eyes, dead, staring into space as if you’re merely a spirit. In that moment, aside from the heavy down pour from his eyes, the rest of him seems to be stuck inside a frozen pocket in time and space.

Suddenly, a sensation so wonderful, so warm radiates from his back. It stays in one spot at first but then glide all over his back, bringing the life back to the cold pale skin. It didn’t stop there. Like a ballerina, it twirls its way upon his shivering shoulders then to the barren face, it was only then he had realized, the girl he loves was trying to save him. You were there with those concern eyes and the small frown he had always thought was so adorable. Your hands upon his body, smoothing and soothing over every crack, every site that had been pricking like needle.

“Shh, Hanbin. Don’t cry, I’m here.”

You speak up so gently you weren’t sure if he had heard right. He had heard but wasn’t sure if this is just another one of the hallucination his mind made up to attempt at healing its host. You’re sitting so close to him, whispering comforting words. Like a person coming out of a coma, his eyes slowly flicker, following the movement of the hand that was now rubbing gently on his chest to ease his ragged breathing.

“I’m here, Hanbin. Don’t cry. Everything will be okay.”

You said it again, he couldn’t believe it. A reluctant hand meet the pink skin of your cheek, caging it while his thumb runs along the pair of lips he had dreamt of so many nights. A smile blooms at the contact of his finger onto your skin and he sighs with relief.

“It really is you… I’m not dreaming, am I?”

“You’re not, babe. I’m here. They needed to clean my room so I went outside to relax. Don’t worry, I’m here, baby.”

Desperately, his arms pull you into his body, nearly topple both of you onto the hard floor but he didn’t care. If he let go now, you would melt away with the wind. Or perhaps much worse, you would go back to the cold, and bitterness of hate, pushing him away. He has to hold you close, to never let go, just like you said he needs to. He had found his happiness once again and hell freezes over before he’d let you go again.

“Please don’t leave me, Y/n. I can’t live without you. I don’t care if I’m being selfish, I don’t care. I need you so bad. Please… I know I hurt you. I know because I was hurting too. I can’t sleep because when I close my eyes, my mind just takes me back to that night. Watching you cry, hearing you call my name, I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I can’t eat because, fuck, how could I eat when I know you’re starving yourself from crying for a useless fool like me. God, I thought I was too late. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t see your text an- and, your lugga- your luggages are gone. Whe- I’m not too late am I? I know you’re angry and everything I’ve done so far is unfair to you, to Hyunwoo. I just, I thought I was… I’m so stupid, baby. You have every right to hate me. It might seems like I can’t make up my mind, pushing you away then asking for another chance, like I’m hurting you on purpose but that’s not what I want to do. I’d much rather spent the last few months cuddle up to you admiring the ring on your beautiful hand than walk through hell. I thought I was letting you have the happiness you deserve. I’m so sorry. I regret everything I said.” He cried out with all the desperation in the world, all the heartbreak every soul on this planet had ever felt, he let it all out. 

“Shh, baby it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, Hanbin. I’m right here. I put my bags away so they could clean the room. I’m not leaving yet. We have plenty of time to talk things out, okay? I’m not angry.” You tried your best to stay strong for him but the wavering of your voice threaten to burst through. You want to cry. Cry because guilt cuts deeper than anything else could. Cry because he was here in your arms once again. Cry because he was begging for you to stay. Cry because you know you will stay.

“Please, Y/n. Please, baby. If I ask you to not to leave me, will you stay? If, if you stay, will you love me again? I just need one chance, just one, I can prove to you…” His thumbs rubbing the tear away from your cold cheeks, eyes latching onto any bit of emotion you were showing through. For once in months you weren’t angry… You were just, well you.

“My idiot Hanbin, I’ve never stop loving you.”

None of your word could relent the neediness of his hands, of his eyes, of his love. Like a child lost in the raging current of life, he clings onto your body like the salvation of a lifeline, the last bit of hope before he drowns in the harshness of it all. Understood, you sit still, head snuggles into the crook of his neck, letting him get high off of you. Arms tighten around his waist, you press a small kiss onto the slender neck, taking in his warmth as he does yours. His hand tangles in your hair, your fingers, your shoulders, your back, everywhere. Your craving of him rattles in its cage like a starving monster with him being so impossibly close that you could hear his heart beat. But right now, you need to put him first, let him have his moment. 

A small terrifying gasp left his lungs as you pull away, putting space in between the two hungry bodies.

“No, no, no. Baby, don’t leave. I need more. I need you…”

Fearful that the drought of his heart will no longer be grace with your rain, panic envelops his body. You remain close, sitting still in between his legs. One hand moving onto the dull skin of his cheek, you crack a small smile that eases his weary mind. His begging stop the instant your lips touch his in the most delicate manner, pressing colors of love back into his monotone soul.

“I love you, Hanbin.”

You murmurs against his lips with the best smile you could muster up and immediately feel his lips curl up in reciprocation.

“I love you so much, Hanbin.”

You repeat when the wetness drench your skin in the torrential downpour of his eyes. It was as if every prayer, every hunger, every thirst his body went through the last two months answered all at once, overwhelming every senses in his body. His face numb with your drug. All he could do was clutching onto the loose fabric of your hospital shirt while letting your lips work his into oblivion. You work gently and carefully, wary of the splitting cracks of his lips that must be stinging like thousands pricks of thorn. Soon enough, neither of you could be satisfy by the lightness of a few pecks. As if he read your mind, his lips part slightly, welcoming your own pressuring for a deeper kiss. Your soul relishes in familiar plush of his lips, the dominance of his tongue, the sweetness that he is. 

“Please, be mine again.” You murmur against his lips, giving you both a chance to catch up to reality.

Your words so small and simple but it restores his heart, mends his soul. Finally reeling in the reality of it all, he breaks away from your touch.

“Always. I’m always yours baby. Y/n is mine. Forever. I’d love that.”

Echoing the words you had said to him two years and six months ago when he first tie your life to his, he lets out a joyous sob. Mirroring his emotion, you wrap your arms around his shoulder, cheek rubbing onto his, thankful for a second chance at love. No word could describe the feeling your soft touches are giving him at the moment. It simply feels like he’s among the clouds of his best dreams. Like any dream, reality rears its ugly head and this time it comes in form of a string of heavy cough shaking your body. The settling cold of night has once again gotten the better of your still recovering body. Hunching over in a fit of cough, you smile through it all. For once in all the days laying in this cold room, you know once again you can confidently grab onto Hanbin for support.

Holding your body close, he carries you off easily with your arms still clinging around his neck. Gently settling your tired body onto the unnecessary large bed, Hanbin made sure you drink enough water before pulling the cover over your body. Shuffling around awkwardly beside your bed, he suddenly overcomes with a sense of uncertainty. Even though his body still feeling like it’s on the best high, guilt begins to course through his every vein. He had been so overwhelm with emotion that his overloaded brain forgotten about the betrayal he had put you through. Now regaining his consciousness, he couldn’t help be be hesitant, scare of how to bring the past up without pushing you spiraling back into hatred. His dubiousness not missed by your eagle eyes. Although adorable, you couldn’t help but be a bit sad from the distance between your body and his. For as long as you could remember, he never had a filter for skin-ship. All his best friends complain just how clingy he is when it’s come to being touchy, how thankful they were you came along to take some weight off their shoulders. Totally opposite of his work demeanor - cold and calculated, around you he was as affectionate as they come - hands constantly feeling the need to be in contact with your body even if it’s just resting gently on your shoulder.

“Uhm… Can-May I?” Finally catching onto your scrutinizing eyes, he stammers in embarrassment, unsure of what to do with himself. 

“What kind of question is that? If you insist on being a stranger with me then just leave. I really don’t need doubts and distance right now.”

Whispering a small sorry, he finally picks a spot nearby your feet, hands softly resting on your legs.

“You’re such an idiot, Hanbin.” Sighing in defeat at his cluelessness, you peel the corner of the large grey blanket away, patting the spot next to you softly before motioning for him to come over with two fingers. Swiftly kicking off his shoes, he carefully settles under the cover right next to your body. Instinctively, you immediately snuggle up close under his arm, head resting gently against his beating heart. Without missing a beat, his arms assume their favorite position around your body just as they always had.

“What I need right now is my boyfriend. My caring, loving, affectionate Hanbin. The guy that abandoned work to bring me soup when I came down with the flu. The guy that screamed he’s not mushy or lovey dovey but then clung onto me for a whole day like a crybaby after I came back from a long trip. The guy that willing to give up sleep to drive for hours just so I can see the beach. The guy that makes me smile just by blinking his beautiful eyes, melts my heart with a touch of his finger. I can’t stand you being so distant, so detached from me. I need my Hanbin back. I want my Hanbin… I deserve to get you back. I’ve been through enough… Don’t you think?” 

Your voice trails off as sob takes hold. The flashes of his standoffish expression, cold manner replay in your mind like the worst nightmare that won’t go away. Even now with your body safe in his embrace, you still fear this is all just life cruel trick. Lifting you high before throwing your body crashing down once again. Without warning, his fingers nimbly secure your chin in their grasp, lifting your head up to meet his gaze. Your painful teary eyes transform into gleeful ones instantly when those soft lips crash messily onto yours, moulding itself against the curve of your own.

“I don’t fucking deserve you, not one bit. I must’ve been a saint in my past life because hell, I haven’t done anything in this life to deserve your love.” He murmurs against your lips before another round of thrashing of lips begin. His hands rough yet gentle at the same time, conveying the neediness you crave. His full attention focuses on making you feel at home, on taking all your worries away. He needs you to know he’s never going anywhere, ever again. You have him for as long as you want, this life and all the lives after that. 

“But I will stay for as long as you need. I’ll be your servant if it means I get to worship at your feet every minutes of the rest of my pathetic life. I love you so much, baby. Whatever you want babe. I’ll give you everything if it means you’ll take my worthless self, let me back into your life.”

The intensity of his loving gaze set you ablaze with joy. The way he’s drinking in every bit of your features, longing for your touch even though he’s already holding you so close, lips merely centimeters away from yours.

“I love you, Hanbin. You don’t need to do anything, just staying by my side and loving me is enough.”

Finally parting touch out of bare necessity for air, his eyes glisten with newfound strength. Hands still tangles in the knots and strands of your hair, he whispers “thank you” incessantly before laying back down. Minutes then an hour past without much being said. Simple sound of kisses smacking and content sighs replace words that need not be say to be understood.

“Is this why you chose this hospital… because the bed is big? So you can crawl into bed with me when i’m out cold.” A devilish smirk on your tired lips, deciding you miss his soothing buttery voice. As much comfort as this blissful silent brought, you’d much rather listen to his incessant babble after so long of watching from the distant.

“What kind of person do you think I am, baby? I’m not that desperate.” He scoffs, although the arms tightening their hold around your shoulder said otherwise.

He places a kiss on your forehead, lips smirking victoriously at the sight of your small body flushing against his, letting him pet you however he likes. An air of easiness floods his lungs at the sound of your small giggle. It was something he took for granted. Having heard nothing but screams and cries the past few months, it was now a sound he vows to hear at least once a day. The best part of it all, it was him that caused that lovely sound.

“I’m pretty sure you are.” you insist, hand wanders from his toned chest to the tight abs. You’ve missed this. Cuddling was something you both love, perhaps even more than making love. The intimacy of knowing you could be so impossibly close without needing to resort to lust and biological urges is a high of its own.

“Fine but I only did it once, okay? And it was because I had to leave you. I’m not creepy like that. I just kinda held your hand and kiss you here and there. You know, whispering into your ears. Typical K-drama kind of scenes.”

“Ugh, Mr. Hanbin. Kissing and laying with someone without their permission, how could you. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.” You groan, scrunching up your nose feigning disgust at his confession.

“If I admit i’m a creep for you, will you stop teasing me?” he quips, fingers digging into your hip eliciting a loud yelp. Doesn’t matter how much you beg, his fingers never cease their banter. Your eyes dart hastily between the door back to his playful eyes, worries engulf you.

“Yah, stop. I’m gonna get scold by the mean nurse again. She already hate me enough as it. It’s all your fault too!” You groan loudly, simultaneously hushing his overexcited self.

“You little brat, how is it my fault if you’re an annoying patient huh?” His eyes light up in pure happiness watching you squirm under his touch, a smile broad on your lips.

“CAUSE! you left a big mess with all your papers and shenanigans. Then you keep storming in and out of my room. Ugh, you’re so annoying”

“Hey, how dare you call your boyfriend annoying. You’re so getting it now!” Shifting off, he hovers threateningly over your body, hands begin trailing down along your side and once you realize where they were heading, it was already too late.

“No, come on babe. Not my freaking thighs, stop! Yes. Yes. as long as it’s for me.”

“I’m only a creep for you, Mrs. Hanbin. Happy now?” 

‘Mrs.’, that was something Hanbin had always avoided saying. Not because he didn’t see himself marrying you but because he had always been scared of rejection. He was readied, so ready to take you with him for the rest of his life. Never once had he called you “mrs.” anything. Hearing your new title, the meaning, it rattles your heart with intensity of a 9 point earthquake. Playfully hitting his chest, your crane your neck to press a small kiss onto his awaiting puckered lips before laying back down.

“Baby?” Timidly, Hanbin awaits your response, unsure if he really wants to go dig a hole when everything feels so right.

“Yes, boyfriend.” You breathe almost effortlessly much to his delight. He loves the way you could make such a simple word impact his heart in such a way, evident by the brilliant smile tumbling from his lips. You stare back with delight glossing over your doe eyes and he found himself sadden. Sadden not because of what you said but because all this time, he could’ve just given you the ring, that none of this would’ve happen.

“I’m really sorry for all the things I’ve done. I know there’s no making up for it.”

“I know…” You whisper softly, index grazing along his torso. Feeling the gap increasing between you both even though you’re still stuck close to his body, you wiggle even closer. “I… I blamed you for causing all my pain but I realized, it must’ve been ten…no, thousand times worse for you. I won’t say it’s okay because honestly, it wasn’t. I can say this though, I forgive you and I need for you to forgive yourself if we’re going be together.”

“I love you so much.” He digs his face deep into the crook of your neck, feeling his large body somehow fitting so perfectly inside your small embrace. “I don’t blame you for hating me. Even as I was going through that night, my head kept screaming at me ‘fool, you need her. Stop now before it’s too late’. Even when you were being drag away, I just wanted to chase after you, pulling you back into my arms but I was so blind I thought that was the only way you’d be happy.” A bone crushing hug found its way around your body as he mutters out a muffled confession. He finally exhales after feeling like his breathing has ceased for so long. His body on cloud 9 as your hand rubs comfort back into his skin.

“Hanbin… I can’t say that I agree with what you did but I understand. You had my best interest in mind even if it meant throwing yourself away in the process. A man that can forget about his own well being for the good of his love ones is someone I can stand behind. My happiness is with you. What I needed from Hyunwoo was closure.” You smile at the thought of having two amazing men in your life that are willing to give and support you no matter what. How lucky can one person be, honestly. “We both had thought the reason we felt so guilty for moving was because there was still lingering feeling. Turns out, we just needed closure, to make sure the other person is happy.” It was true a small part of you always held back from loving Hanbin fully. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to or you don’t care. It was you couldn’t bring yourself to be truly happy when God know where or how Hyunwoo was. In the short few months of your love being absent, progress made further than all the years that came before it had. You both found peace with letting go of a love you once cherished so deeply. You both finally forgave yourself for moving on, for being happy. You finally get to close that chapter of your life properly.

“Thank you for always understanding me. There’s something I, I’m… I don’t know if I should but I just need to know.” 

“Anything, love.” You whisper with a kiss on his forehead, worries once again dances on the tip of your tongue. Should you shut him up with another kiss or let him voice his concern no matter where his question might lead.

“The doctor, they said you were unwilling to wake up… Di-Did you remember anything from when you were sleeping? Was, was it because of me? Did you dream about me? Was it because you don’t want to see me again?” He utters out the painful cluster of words, arms constricting around your body as if it being impossibly close to you would ensure he’d get the answer he hopes for.

“No, silly. I just thought if I wake up, I’ll lose you all over again. In my dream, you were smiling at me and I couldn’t… I couldn’t let go.” 

And hope you given him.

“I’m sorry. I promise you I will never leave you. I want to spend the rest of this life with you, then all the lives after that. I honestly don’t blame you if you wake up one day and decide to leave me. I deserve every pain in this world. If I were you, I would never forgive me.” 

“But you’re not me and I’m not going anywhere. I forgave you a long time ago, Hanbin. I figured if I can’t give you the happiness you deserve then I can at least help you… that’s why I wrote you the letter.”

“My happiness is with you, always had been, the second you knock me down on that street.” Finally found enough courage to look you in the eyes, Hanbin feels himself experiencing the very definition of happy as a smile was already on your lips.

“And mine, yours.”

Now that you were officially well enough to sleep without being constantly monitor by the watchful nurse or the plentiful beeping of machines, the room suddenly feel boring.

“Hanbin, are you sleeping?” You stare up at the serene on his resting face and found yourself smiling for no reason. He’s so handsome, more now than ever that you both spilled your hearts to each other without holding anything back.

“No… I can’t sleep without you imitating the machines to lull me.” You gasp, eyes blown wide open at his little confession. Many nights while Hanbin would peacefully rest on the couch, you’d find yourself making noises, beeping along with the machine or humming random tunes. It was a way to ground yourself to reality, God know how hard it was to stay away, to not just clamber atop his stilled body and fall asleep. Other times, it’d just to keep you company from the restlessness of having been sleeping all day long.

“Oh no! You heard that?” You rasp and Hanbin just chuckles. You could never stay quiet for long and he loves you for it. Always touching him or making cute random noises as you do the most mundane things. He finds your neediness adorable. You hide behind the palms of your hands before feeling kisses being place all over them.

“Yes, babe. I heard all the noises you made up. Light sleeper now, remember?” With his eyes still close, he leans further into your needy grasp before pecking blindly at the top of your hair, missing the target a quite a few times.

“Well…. Since you’re awake, wanna do something crazy with me? One last hurrah before I say bye to this place forever?” 

“Baby, we are NOT fucking in here. The door doesn’t even have a lock. People know me here. I can’t be having my parents going in for a check up and hear fleeting murmurs of my rendezvous with my crazy girlfriend. Uh uh.” You didn’t need to peek to know there’s a full blown smirk on his devilishly handsome face despite the minor protesting he’s faking at the moment. “Plus it’s 3 in the morning, get some sleep. We’re leaving the hospital at 11 tomorrow morning.”

“Come on, baby… You never let locks and fleeting murmur stop you before…” You whine and you know he hates it. “3 in the morning is exactly why I’m proposing we do this. No one comes by at this hour.”

“No.” A simple stern word hit you before he lets his eyes fluttering close once again. No way were you going to let this opportunity go as you climb atop his stiffening body.

“Please, Hanbin. I miss you… Please…” You beg knowing he would never last if you pull a pout on him. Now how to get him to open his eyes… A dangerously smirk found itself on your lips as you straddle across his torso, lips pressing softly up to his jawline as he gulps more time than you can count in a few seconds. “Technically we don’t have to do it here… I may or may not have found a safe spot in my many days spent in this place.” The second you finish your sultry laced sentence, his head shot up faster than you could even begin to imagine. Eyes wide, his mouth gapes wide open in the process of deciphering what the hell you mean by safe spot. Just as his eyes met with your pout, you hop off the bed and begin strutting toward the door pulling along the spare blanket that was once neat atop your bedside chair.

“God, you’re so crazy.” Left Hanbin’s lips with a shake of his head yet that mischievous smile tells you he was gamed. By the time he caught up, you had reach the door to the staircase with a suggesting curl of your finger calling him over. Sighing loudly as tho he doesn’t want to, he pulls his jacket over the loose V-necked t-shirt that had been tempting you all night by revealing just enough of that flawless skin and enticing sharpness of his collar bones and neck. 

“Baby, how is the staircase safe?” he questions, taking your hand in his.

“Not here. I’m not crazy.” You jest, leading him up. His mouth gapes wide open in shock as if your proposal of fucking in the same hospital that he was born in, got his first cast on his arm after falling off his beloved horse, then stitching on his knee not too long after from a dirt bike, the very same one that his parents still frequent often is absolutely, completely normal but getting it on in the staircase is absolutely bonker. A strangled sound caught your attention as you reach out for his hand. He looks like a damn fish gulping air in and out as he struggles with the logical side of himself whether he should speak up or not. 

“Don’t you dare call me crazy, Kim Hanbin. We fucked in a freaking field before, and on the plane, and in the closet that one time you were bored out of your mind at the old men convention.”

“Can you not call my business party “old men convention”? Make me sound so unattractive.”

“it’s some lame party with a bunch of old dudes pretending they’re still in their primes and they have the perfect family, perfect marriage. but really they’re just happy their wives let them loose for once to mingle with other old dudes and like stare at my ass.” Your head twist around to sass at him. “ You know the only reason why their wives let them out right? So they can all huddle up in the corner of the party with their expensive wine that cost more than my apartment and talk shit about their husbands. Oh and they stare at your ass, and body, and face, and like everything else. Come on, babe. You didn’t even wanna go and you were the one that hosted the party.” You hop down a few steps to meet his level before leaning in for a simple sweet kiss on his lips. “Don’t worry, you’re the handsomest old man there. I won’t leave you even if some other old man was worth 10 times more drop out of the sky. No sir, I’m good with my old man Hanbin.” You scrunch up your eyebrows, shaking your head a few time just to emphasize on how much you enjoy teasing him.

“You’re lucky I love you. I swear, you’re so goddamn vexing sometimes.” He groans but did not refuse your hand pulling him along the steps.

By the time your feet had past the door of the highest floor, just 2 flights of stair above your floor, Hanbin finally caught onto your idea of a safe spot is. Judging from the darkening of his eyes and the smug grin on his lips, it’s fair to say he agrees. Soon enough you both reach your destination as the auto doors slide wide open, rushing fresh air to the dampen atmosphere of the mostly unused highest flights of stairs. Aside from the nurses and doctors hiding out for a quick smoke, you had figured out that no one ever go up here outside of lunch hours despite the well maintained area equips with outdoor heater and a numbers of picnic table for lunch breaks. Now that the inky sky had taken over for the day, no one bothers trekking all the way up here seeing how the elevator stopped two floors down, the last floor with actual patient rooms. 

“What do you think? Neat huh?”

“Okay, fine. It’s pretty nice up here.” Hanbin unwillingly admit although a smile bright on his face as he approaches the thick glass fencing that remains the only thing holding the safe haven of the roof and the 15 stories drop onto the world below.

“I spent a lot of time here whenever you leave for work… something about it. Clears my mind. I just forget about all the messy relationship stuff when I’m here. It’s just me and my thought.” Your voice dips low as you take a spot next to his, back leaning onto the cool glass, eyes searching for any sign of stars above but all you could see was man made stars. “ I forget sometimes that you were gone when I’m up here. I found myself calling out to you then just break down crying when there’s no answer. Pathetic, right? All I had to do was kiss you but I’m too fucking stubborn to even do that but then I sit here and cry like none of this is my fault. I’m so sorry” Your eyes on your very own star now. He seems to be shining so brightly even though a frown was forming on the edges of those beautiful lips of his. His eyes dejected as he gazes down on the bustling world below, almost as if wishing he could just jump and warp back in time to stop himself from hurting you. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby… I started this.” He breathes so gently it’d have been carried away with the night breeze had you not been giving him your full focus.

“For screaming at you, for hating you, for everything. Please… Hanbin.” Your pleading left your lips weak, dismal but all the more sincere. “Please, don’t leave me again.” You were sobbing now and there was nothing he could do to stop you but pulling you tight under his arms, secure you in his needy grasp as he cries with you. For the first time since you woke up, you utter words of weakness and deepest desire, You could scream, you could hit him, cuss at him and while it hurt, nothing hurt more than to see you break down into fragile fragments of what left of his girlfriend. 

“It’s okay, baby. I’m never leaving, ever again.” was all he could whispers as the night cold paints you both with its brushes of frost. You both stand there, stealing each other body heat, bearing all the vulnerabilities of being hurt for each other to see. Your hands cling onto his back desperately under his jacket because even with the relatively thin material obstructing you from feel him, you’re still fearing he could just be another one of your figment of imagination, fisting up the material as tightly as you can just in case he’d dissipate if you let go. He says nothing but grabbing tighter onto your shivering frame because he knows you need this, he had his weak moment just letting it all go in your arms and now you need yours. He had long figured out that it would take all his life to earn back that seemingly unending trust you had for him because well, he gave you a taste of his disappearing act and what will stop him from performing it again. He gave you a taste of what your sunshine of a man could really do if darkness takes over, even if he meant well. He’s acutely aware that to you, the option of him just up and leave out of nowhere is all too real even if with all his heart and soul he’s certain, so certain that never again would he do it. He needs you too much, loves you too much to ever do something so hideously stupid ever again. It pains to even think he had done so much damage that your fear is that of him just walking away… again. You were the fearless one in the relationship. The fearless he’s thinking of here isn’t the kind that you possess as a strong independent woman he fell in love with, the kind that he admires so much. No, the fearless here is the one where you lead your relationship without ever worrying about consequences or being hurt. The one that whispered in your ear “yes” when he asked you to take a trip with him 2 weeks into your friendship even though you got no idea where you were going or even if he’s really is just a lonely sad boy who needed friend. The same one that encased you in its carefree embrace as he lead you toward the walk in closet at his parents’ mansion during the old man convention knowing how humiliating it would be if anyone were to catch the both of you moaning each other names as they walk by. You didn’t care, you trust that he would take care of you if such things did happen. The same one that stroked a laugh out of you as you both hand in hand jump off a cliff in some exotic island you can’t even pronounce the name off into the glistening blue ocean that would make aquamarine pale with jealousy even when you were scare shitless of the height. Why did you do it? Well because he would never endanger you in anyway. No harm would come to you, his promise that he upheld for so long until that night. The sheer shock and panic of going through that decision again in his mind rips him away from his reverie as he feel you calm in his hold. Suddenly the shadow of trepidation darken his body as his embrace constricts, letting him feel every dip and curve of your body and how you just melt into his touch, wiggling just to fit in with the tightening grasp. You’re so serene in the way your hand caressing the curve of his spine, face resting in the crook of his neck with your other hand over his heart. His urges too strong at this point to ignore so he pushes you off and chuckle at the strange cat-liked sound you produce, stupefy for a moment from the sudden movement. You stare deep into Hanbin’s eyes searching for any hint of uncertainty, any hint that he wants to hurt you again, push you away again but satisfy when you found none. He’s just your Hanbin again. The same one with eyes holding your whole universe, lips like the ripeness of all the best summer fruits this world could hold, and heart fresh like the first breeze of spring. He stares back and find all the answer to his life struggle as you crack a small smile, captivating him in a way nothing of this world could. Then almost too fast for human being, he’s already on your lips in a kiss with the fervidity of all those who lost but then found love again. It wasn’t the usual slow built kiss that remind you of the campfire that one summer spent at his cabin. It didn’t start of slow and dry like the tiny flickering flame of the smolder struggling to catch on. It wasn’t even the paced wet kiss of a newly born fire, latching onto any source of fuel it could. He lunges on you the burst of flame that comes with the added support of lighter fluid, of all the kindling he could possibly add in. His lips waste no time in pulling yours into the little pocket of space and time where only you and him exist. Hanbin tugs at your lower lips, nibbling, biting, smashing his lips against your all the way he knows how. The moment he feel you gasping under the pleasurable pain of his bite and the desperation of wanting more but also needing oxygen, his tongue breaches pass your lips getting straight to chasing yours. Hands tangle in your bedhead strands almost locking you in place conveying how much he wants to let you know he is never going to lose you, ever again. 

“Hanbin… baby… table” is the most you manage to wrangle out before he already hoists you up making his way toward a table in the back corner, the furthest away from the entrance. He stays silent, never say a word but it’s not like he ever needs to for you to understand his intention. You shed your wrinkled up hospital shirt from hours of cuddling the second your weight got support from the wooden table below and he follows suit. By God, after so long of holding in the thirst for him, the sight of him standing there shirtless admiring you with pupils so blown out his eyes are almost pitch black is enough to make you finish then and there. Ever so caring, he wraps his jacket around your now naked body, shielding you from the numbing gaze of the night wind as he lets his eyes trace out all the part of you he misses so much. 

“You will be the death of me.” He breathlessly mutters out before resuming the fight for dominant over your lips, smirking at how easily you submit to you. His hand like a map guiding his lips to explore the temptations of your body. Still staring deep into your eyes, the soft pads of his fingers caress the sharpness of your collar bones before dipping down letting the flowers of love bloom brightly on your soft skin. A gasp struggles out from the thousands of small tingling shocks running, spreading from your skin deep to your core. Your fingers quick to make home in his hair, tugging and scratching, pulling him closer. “You like that? Letting everyone knows you’re mine?” He sounds so devilishly captivating and all you could let pass your lips was a breathless “yes” before kicking your head back, basking in the gratification of his thumb circling, flicking your nipple gently while his lips working on the other one. “It’s still amaze me how perfectly your breasts mould to my hands, just so perfect, all for me.” He took a step back, eyes scrutinize every part of your body the best way possible with his hand still kneading at your soft mounds, his jacket barely hiding the world from gazing upon your naked body. He dips back in, sucking at your skin, inciting fire at with ever pass of his lips before his teeth dig into the already crimson marks. The man knows exactly what to do to get you work up and before you know it, “all yours” already slips out into the cold air stroking his ego further. 

Both hands on your side now, he slowly trails them down, thumbs pressing into your sensitive skin as his tongue trail down from the valley of your breast straight to your belly button, not bothering to stop once until he reaches the forbidden place that only he has the key to. Hands holding your hips down firmly in place, he orders a stern “open” before diving straight into your more than willing spreading thighs. No teasing tonight as his tongue quick to the point in toying with your aching swollen clit. Your body curl up in the sudden floodgate of pleasure opening from months of drought only to have him grasping on tighter surely to leave marks. “Don’t you dare move, princess. I need a good taste first, then I’ll make you feel good. You want that, don’t you? I would hate to deny my princess that, especially after this long of waiting.” You nod furiously, hand holding down your thighs as if that really would stop the instinctive jerk of your body in response to his tongue flicking but then he stops, just staring up at you. “You waited for me right?” He looks so dangerous with eyes nearly all black from lust, a snarl threatening to spill from his lips, brows furrow driving his features into a cross of half smugness half anger, as if daring you to say no, to find out what kind of punishment would awaits you if you did. To his heart content, you nod yes. “Use your words, baby.” He grunts and you yelp out a loud “yes” to meet his victorious smirk. Something about the way he was praising you with the simple use of “good girl” had you rolling your hip onto his lips almost instinctively. You gasp, hand clasping over your lips in worry that you had just done something wrong, that he would deny you of your end but he only response with a dip of two fingers inside your body. You nearly cry from the sudden pleasure, back hitting what would’ve been the cold hard surface of the table if not for the jacket that Hanbin had so attentively wrap around your body. “Come on, princess. You wanted this, at least do my skill some justice. Let me hear you.” Your eyes shut tight, hand grabbing at nothing from the already intense stroking of his fingers. “Fuck, Hanbin… Please. It’s been too long, don’t tease me.” No sooner than your begging mess collapse backward onto the cold hard surface, a charming smirk and a breath of sigh meet your senses in their dance of allure. “No patient, as always. When will you ever learn that good things, very good things will come if your pretty little body can just hold out. No matter, we all know how much I love you begging anyways…” That cocky little shit, you thought, how he manages to put you in this dumfounded trance no matter what he does you didn’t know. What you do know is judging from the swift sound of the drawstring of his sweat untying, you’re about to get exactly what you’ve been asking for so if it means stroking his big, but not by any mean unfound, ego then you will. 

Both his hands found purchase around your jaw as he settles in between your legs, eyes holding an intense gaze, burning you with all his love and desire. A soft kiss finds itself onto your lips with a fleeting whisper of “I love you” drawing out your own smile as you return the favor. 

“Ready, baby?” He growls, breaths growing heavy with anticipation as yours hasten knowing exactly what’s about to happen.

With a gentle nod, that devilish smirk is back on his gorgeous features as he watches your struggle to cope with the sudden flood of blinding pleasure. A moan escapes your lips, face twisting up looking near in pain although Hanbin knows otherwise as his face takes on a similar expression. He hold himself still for a moment, letting your body acclimate to the familiar feeling of him filling you up so wonderfully and he with the overwhelming pressure of being so intimately connected to the person he cares so deeply about. He sighs in relief, overjoy as your scrunched up expression blooms into a blissful smile, eyes being force open to stare up at him. So delicately, Hanbin eases back out as slowly as he could without denying either of you the pleasure that’s buzzing fast across your warming skin. A near scream involuntarily rips from your throat as he suddenly thrust hard, hips snapping against your body with the surge of primal desire. 

“You’re alright, baby?” Ever the gentleman, even being lost within his lust, nothing could stop him from assuring you are perfectly safe and sound, happy when a ragged “yes” then a “harder, Hanbin” stumbles from your parting lips. “Anything for my lady.” he had said before all you could see was stars as his thrusts increase in both speed and strength. Six months, half a year of being away from you, of not being to experience your love, all of it is behind him. He collapses atop your jerking body, lips resume its exploration of your body all the while a grin play upon his delectable lips. 

“Fuck, baby. Your body is amazing. I don’t think I will ever get enough.” He grunts, hardly able to pass a breath as his senses overload with everything that’s you.

“Neither can I but please…” You huff out, feeling your end ringing close, sweat dripping down your skin even with the cold breeze of night. “… I’m so close, Hanbin, please… I-” 

Begging, begging had always been his biggest weakness, just seeing you so submissive, so willing to cater to his ever needs just to chase your own ending with those innocent eyes despite being fuck into oblivion. No sooner than your pleading whines left your bruised lips from the endless tugging of his teeth, a hand softly, and skillfully wrap tight around your craned neck having your breath hitches in excitement. His eyes darken further, an almost dangerous smirk burst out with life as he stares down on you threatening, daring to see if you were brave enough to break eye contact with him. The small gasps with your struggle to your meet long awaited high has his thrust pounding you into the hard surface and his grunts deepen. You needed your high to drop so badly and you could tell by the way his face twisting up so painfully pleasurable, so did he. 

“Begging like that… You’re lucky we’re no- we’re not at home because you’d be in so much trouble. Teasing me, riled me up then begging with those doe eyes of yours. We both know you’re just a devious little girl, playing me to get what you want.” Hanbin’s hand retreats from your neck to carding through your hair, grasping it harshly, lips near assaulting your own. 

“What are you gonna do about it, boss? I- I think you’re more bark than bite.” You stutter out as confidently as you could but with Hanbin’s teeth clamping down tight on your battered lips, tugging it as harsh as he could, your voice shuts up fast, only satisfying moans were left. 

“What were you saying, baby?” He pulls away, his thrusts messy as he peers down on you almost contemptuously with that shit eating grin of his, knowing he has all the power over you. Your eyes hide away, nails clawing at the cold table after a hard thrust, thighs clenching hard around his body. Hanbin himself is beginning to lose control himself, one hand neatly atop your breast groping harshly, the other pressing your convulsing body down in place, head thrown back as he tries his best to keep it together to chase your high. 

“Hanbin… Fuck… I-I” Ears ringing, eyes blinding, your mind’s befuddle no words would come out even if you try.

“Let go, baby. Let me help you through it.” His words soothe your whole body into nirvana, your back ripping off the cold surface as a scream for Hanbin tear from your throat, chest heaving violently reacting to the waves of pleasure roughing up your body after so long. Your hands grip tight on the flexed muscles of his upper arms as he hasten his pace, pushing your limit as small burst of lightening buzzes through your body from the overstimulation. You want so bad for him to stop but you can’t deny him his well earned release. You lick your lips, fingers ghosting over your own nipples as you stare deep in his eyes. You moan to egg him on and moan because that’s all you could do to cope with how sensitive everything is, how far he’s pushing your abused bare sex. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of you even with his own high shutting down just about every function in his brain. Hanbin slumps over, hands grasping your shoulder tighter as he feels the coil in his lower ab tensing up with each thrust. One last grunt before his eyes flutter shut and warmth spread all over your sore, overworked inside. Ignoring the dead weight pinning down your body, your hands cup his cheeks pulling him close for one last fervid kiss before letting the lull of exhaustion carries you both to rest. 

Laying there in his arm, completely bare for anyone to see feel strangely comforting. Neither of you were shy when it comes to baring all for the world to see but this moment is breaching any limit you had set before. Even with the lack of the warm cover and soft mattress awaiting to serve your weary bodies just a few floor below, you’re perfectly happy in this moment with Hanbin flushing tight on your back, face nuzzling close to your hair.

“You know I was really jealous…” You speak up to break the silent that by no mean dull. You just miss hearing his voice.

“Hmm? Jealous of my friend?” A kiss finds itself resting on your disgustingly sweat filled locks that hanbin too kindly had said was still perfect even post sex.

“I mean, that’s obvious … I was talking about before.”

“Before?” He parroting back, humming in confusion. What had you got up to now.

“Like, before I confessed to you… I was really jealous. All those girls that rubbed up on you at parties, practically sexed you in front of hundreds of people. I hated that I couldn’t be them.” You sigh at the thought of being back in that place, of not being able to love Hanbin so publicly.

“Was that why you were so grumpy all the time? That has to be the cutest thing ever. I made you so jealous that you finally decided to confess? Damn, if I knew all it took was me side eyeing other girls, I would’ve done that years earlier.” He suddenly exclaims with excitement as if it would’ve changed the sequence of life.

“Okay, don’t be haughty. i was so goddamn out of my mind jealous and pissed off that you weren’t looking at me and touching all those girls I near gave up.” With a flick to his forehead, you sass back and watch as hanbin winces in pain but a smile never left his lips.

“But you didn’t, and I can’t express how lucky I am. Thank you for not giving up on me… Even when I’m the biggest asshole in the world.” 

“You’re my morning cup of joe. Without you I’m nothing but a crankier, insufferable version of myself. You made me better.” So softly, your words bring out the brightest smile he could muster up as a big kiss meets your lips.

Something about post coital cuddle really gets to you in ways even the actual act of sex can’t. It’s just so intimate in the best way possible. You trust someone enough to let them fill you up with euphoria but to be able to just lay there and small talk, even just share a laugh, that show true love, true desire, and real trust. There you lay in Hanbin’s arms, smiling to yourself for being able to just listen to his chest heavily heaving. You curl up against his body, skin sticky, hair probably look like you haven’t wash it in ages judging from how it’s matting to your forehead. Hanbin as always, looking ethereally, glowing under the pale moon and the sight assaulting light pollution of the city. If only all those people in those planes could see you both, they would probably burst into flame from the sinful sight. Yet something about this silent of satisfying moans and heavy pants that’s just so beautiful. Little did you know, Hanbin had plan to make this moment all the more magnificent and lasting forever. 

“baby, I know- I know this isn’t the best time for this but…” He huffs out, hesitant on what words to use and how to not offend you. His hand dips into the pocket of his jacket inconspicuously, holding that small box that’s key to his future tightly as if holding onto a battery source, a motivation to encourage what was about to happen next.

“What is it, Hanbin?” Neck cranes, you did your best to decipher his hesitation, hoping whatever it is, it’ll continue this love-high you’re both on.

“Doesn’t this remind you of that summer…”

“You mean the one where you fucked me senseless in the field behind your vacation home?”

“Yes, yes but it was more than just fucking though, wasn’t it? At least for me it was so much more. It was the first time we really just let go of all our reservation and insecurities and just enjoy one another…”

“Of course it was just more than sex. It’s always more than meets the eyes when I’m around you. I still can’t wrap my head around how lucky I am to meet someone like you, Hanbin. I just, it’s beyond me. Thank you, baby, for everything.”

“I’m glad you feel the same way because that’s how I’m feeling right now. I don’t know if we haven’t been together for so long or that, that i’m just so elated to be with you again, to have another chance. My heart, my soul can’t even comprehend your present right now. It’s like you’re all my best dream coming true and you’re just laying here in my arm. You trust me enough to let me take the lead for so long and even after I royally fucked us both up, you’re still here. How are you even real, Y/n. I thanks God daily to let me have a chance to meet you, to love you, and for you to love me back. It’s more than anything I could ever ask for in life. When I’m with you, my money, my status, my company, none of it matter. I can’t even put in words my affection for you, my obsession, lust, desire, need, want, everything. I’ve never feel so strongly about anyone before in my life. If one day I fail at my job, lose it all, I honestly wouldn’t care because I know I have you and you wouldn’t leave me just because I lost all the dazzling part that comes with CEO Hanbin. You, miss, you love me even without all of that. After months of being alone I realize, whenever you ask me for things, it had always been my time, my love, or my affection. Never once did you ask me for material things and I can’t even say enough how thankful I am for that. When I look at you, I see my future. Future of just living in a simple home, spending our days together, visiting our parents, adopting pets, raising kids… I, that’s exactly what I want and I know it’s so crass of me to be asking so much of you especially after I took so much but Y/n, baby. I love you. I love you so much and would you do me the honor of marrying me? I would love for nothing more but to spend the rest of my life loving you, taking care of you. So please, baby. Marry me.”

“Hanbin, I-…” You wanted to scream from how happy he had just made you. God knows how long you waited for this day and after so much trials and tribulations, all the test of life thrown at the both of you, you made it. 

“It’s okay if you need time to think. I know this is a big-”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, Hanbin. Thousand, millions times over. Yes. You can ask me tomorrow, a year from now, 10 years from now, it will always be yes. I love you so much.”

Happiness doesn’t begin to describe the surge of emotion flooding Hanbin’s body. All he could do is what he always does, hold you close and just let you feel the beating of his heart. He has no words, all thoughts lost upon him as he presses a long time coming kiss on his soon to be wife’s lips. He had dreamed of this day, this moment ever since he decided to pursue you. He mulled over it many night of what kind of spectacle, extravaganza would he set up to make this moment as perfect as can be for you but this, God, this is so much better than anything he could come up with. There’s no flashy event, no showy materials things, no one else around but just you and him. Neither of you had ever let the monetary things in life get in the way of your love and this proposal was the most perfect thing for the simple couple that you both is. Just you, him and the contagious joy that was spreading lights into even the drab atmosphere of the hospital. Pulling back, tears still welling up in his eyes, he finally retrieves the box that had been resting in the jacket that was still wrapped tightly around your body, the box he thought he would never get the chance to use. 

“I don’t have the best taste in jewelry so if you don’t like it, we can get something else.”

“Kim Hanbin, you should know better than that by now. I love whatever you get and to be honest, even if you don’t get me a ring, I would still marry you. Like, you really think I’m gonna let you escape a second time? Hell no.”

“You’re so silly sometimes… Hand please, Mrs. Hanbin!”

“Uhm, I don’t think you can call me that yet, Mr. Hanbin.” You blink back a few tears, trying your best not to lose it then and there, screaming to the world just how happy you are.

“I don’t care, you always were my Mrs. even from the first second.”

“Oh my god, this is beautiful. babe, you didn’t need to get me anything exorbitant… I mean it is very beautiful and I love it.”

“I know, I just I was so happy when I went to pick out the ring that I got carried away… Only the best for my wife.”

“Hanbin. My husband. Forever. I’d like that.”

“Y/n. My wife. Always mine. I’m never letting you go.”

Thanks goodness the night wrapped up without a hitch as you both hand in hand brave the world as newly engaged lovebirds. Bundled up in the hospital blanket, you shied away behind Hanbin’s back, giddy from the thought that the groups of nurses dying for a smoke break that was now trudging up pass you could’ve walk right in the middle of your love making session had they decided to take a break just 20 minutes earlier. Your cold pale skin rosey from the overwhelming excitement both physically and emotionally as you both bowed back to the nurses. 

“Okay, missy. You can stop giggling like a kid now. Did you realize we could’ve got caught?” Hanbin grimaced, groaning as he tucked you back onto the spacious bed.

“I’m sorry… but I can’t help it.” Blanket pulled up to hide half your face to avoid further scrutiny from your handsome man, you pulled a pout that although he can’t see, Hanbin knew very well prominent on your face.

“I seriously cannot with you anymore, baby. Get some rest, I’m going to head down and reschedule your discharge time.”

With a small wave and a muttered of “be back soon” you let drowsiness overtook your senses as you watch him disappeared down the hall. Soon after, your prince returns, a serene smile on his lips as he watches your chest heaves gently, a glint of hope sparkling on your finger pulling a smile onto his lips, before shutting the door and crawling in right next to you. 

“Goodnight, princess. I promise to always be here.”

A sweet kiss to your forehead before the sandman works his magic over the room. For once in months, Hanbin finally sleep at ease.

“Hanbin, how is she?” Worries spill from Mrs. Kim the second she steps foot inside your hospital room, bag thrown aside carelessly as she hover, hands patting your cheeks and forehead slightly. The news of you staying an extra few hours travel fast, especially with her at the edge of her seat having seen you disappeared from her life once before.

“She’s well now. The doctors finished all their test last night and she’s clear to go home.” Hanbin smiles, albeit exhausted, still mesmerizing. His eyes couldn’t tear away from your still slightly pale skin from the long road of recovering, grateful that the rosy tone has slowly returning.

“They told me she was suppose to go home this morning, it’s 5PM. What happened?” Concern shakes the whole room as she approaches your still body, curling up so peacefully in a fetal position, fast asleep.

“Nothing… I kept her up late last night so we missed the discharge time.”

“What did you do to my daughter, Kim Hanbin.” Stern and straight to the point, Hanbin’s surprise his mom hadn’t gotten his ear under her fingers.

“We talked, a lot. About everything that happened…”

“And?”

“See for yourself, mom.” Hanbin chirpy, cryptic tone did nothing but making his mom rages with uneasiness. She follows the direction of his gaze, befuddlement darken the normally kind eyes. Even after a good minute of staring, she still couldn’t figure out what the hell her crazy son was talking about. All she sees is you quietly snoring away from probably exhaustion caused by her son. 

“Mom, come on. Look harder.” Hanbin groans, earning a glare from his mom. She shakes her head incredulously at his ridiculous antic before laying eyes on his hand that was now reaching out to yours. Intertwining fingers, he gently pulls your hand on his lap, presenting it like the most exquisite piece of artifact at a museum. His thumbs stroking the back of your hand softly, a smirk appears on his lips the second her eyes widen in shock the second that insanely magnificent piece of jewelry that officially puts an end to both your heartbreak shines bright in the sleepy evening sun.

“I, oh my. Is that what I think it is. Son, you better not be joking with me right now. I will kill you with my bare hand then bring you back so your dad can punish you if you’re lying right now. No!” She gasps loudly, stirring your restful form. Hanbin presses his index to his lips with a soft shush before hovering above your wincing features, planting soft kisses along your forehead and cheeks as he would whenever you get nightmare.

“It’s okay, baby.” He coos softly, free hand stroking your hair lightly as the other one still holding onto yours tightly, his mom couldn’t help but relax into a motherly smile as she watches her baby boy becoming a man, a gentleman just like she hope he would be. “Shh, baby. It’s ok, sleep.” A few more kisses meet your lips before a smile breaks out on your lips as you settle back into a deep slumber.

“Yes, mom. it’s exactly what you think it is on her ring finger. She said yes last night… We were up talking most of last night, hence the dela-” 

“Oh my dear lord. My baby.” Mrs. Kim lunges forward and before Hanbin could even reacts, she’s already planting kisses all long his cheeks. “Finally, you did something right.”

“Okay, thanks mom. way to make me feel like a loser.”

“No, no, no. No son of mine is a loser if he could right all his wrongs. I’ll leave you two love birds alone. This is the best news I have in awhile.” She teases as her gaze lovingly falls onto the object that just unlock a whole new life for her son.

Happiness can’t even begin to cover the mutual feeling share by mother and son as they gaze upon your drowsy form, matching smile on both their lips. Mrs. Kim rub circle on her son’s back, a mother’s comfort, letting him know that no matter what, Hanbin will always have her full support. A few more minutes of chatting and Mrs. Kim bid farewell to a still giddy Hanbin. Unlike her usual calm facade, she wears a bright smile on her lips, tone of voice could barely contain the excitement for the future of her growing family. 

“Mom, can you keep this a secret for a little while longer? I just want to have this moment between me and her for a bit… You know how everyone gets with the congratulations, and the questions, and the blah blah blah.” Hanbin muses over with his mom snuggle close under his arm as the pair saunter to the exit.

“Of course. It’s your news to share, take as much time as you two need. Lord know you both need some peace and quiet time to yourself. The last few months had been stormy and tumultuous to say the least.” Hanbin’s mom sigh rather than a heavy breath, it was filled with relief that the struggle had passed for her dear son and soon to be official daughter because let’s face it, you had always been a daughter in her eyes. 

“Thanks, mama. The Mrs. and I appreciate your discretion.” Hanbin grins widely, catching himself letting the new term flowing off his tongue so easily.

“Look at you, already speaking like a true married man. Don’t worry about anything, alright. Just take time to ease back into this. Now I don’t claim to have the most perfect marriage in the world. Close, but not quite.” Mrs. Kim chuckles a bit at her own boastfulness. “ Marriage aren’t always going to be a walk in the park and it shouldn’t be. You’ll fight, you’ll cry, sometimes things will be thrown but at the end of the night, never go to sleep angry at each other. After all the glitz and glamour of the world fade away, your partner is all you really have. Even your children will leave you someday but your spouse won’t. You both are about to embark on the longest journey of your lives so don’t feel like you need to rush because of other people. Who care what other people think and say about your relationship, as long as you’re content with yourself, that’s all that matter. Take all the time in the world until it feels right.”

With a parting hug, Hanbin watches as his mom drive off into the distant, nodding to himself, engraving her every word into his mind. Still stuck in cloud 9, he found himself just staring at the spot that his mom had parked a few moments ago before jerking out of his day dream. You’re waiting for him in the room and finally, finally he can just run in and pull you into his arms. No one can ever take you away from him, ever again. He has to right to be a smug bastard about being the only man in your life that could kiss you good morning and snuggle you at night. It’s all beginning to sink in faster than an anchor dropping at sea now that he has a moment of complete silent to think. You’re his fiancee. No joke, you’re really his forever. Internally freaking out, Hanbin screams off the top of his lung a loud cheer of happiness. His voice echoing through the empty parking structure with all its might, drawing attention to the now red as a tomato boy. He bows apologetically for disturbing everyone’s peace as he tear off into the hospital once more. Swinging the door wide open, he’s just stand there grinning at your still serene body curling up on the bed. 

“Baby, time to get ready to go home.” He sinks his weight onto the bed just next to you, pressing a big kiss onto your cheek and watches as you stir in your sleep.

“Hmm?” You response sleepily and Hanbin couldn’t help but giggle at your cat liked nature, curling up in a ball while pawing his pestering hands away.

“Let’s go home, sweetheart. You can rest more at home. I won’t get yell at for sleeping with you there.”

“Just a few more minutes, Mr. I’m tired.” You groan, rolling over to the other side of the bed to avoid his pestering. Sighing loudly, Hanbin mumbles a defeated “What am I going to do with you” before falling onto the bed, ignoring the nagging of his mind that he might get in trouble with the mean nurse again. You grin in happiness of just how much of a softie Hanbin gets around you as he snuggles close, spooning you tightly from behind.

“You know…” Hanbin suddenly speaks up, arms tighten even further around your body. “I’ve spent so many nights just sitting there, staring at this ring and wonder about the what ifs and could’ve been. I never thought this moment would be possible.” The gentleness of his voice like the most expensive tickling of ivories in your ears as his fingers ghost over your own, thumb rubbing the back of your hand delicately. “I didn’t think us was ever going to happen again but here I am with my beautiful fiancee in my arms. I think anything is possible, wouldn’t you agree?” That playful tone, he’s up to his cheeky business and you’ll be damned if you don’t join in.

“Hmm, rightly so.” You quip, taking your chance to glance back at the lovestruck boy with the glistening smile on his lips.

“So I think, if my beautiful fiancee… God, I’ll never get tired of saying that…” He pauses for a moment before a soft peck graces you. “If my girl wants another 10 minutes of sleep, that’s the least I can do right?” He jests with a small giggle, leaving you rolling your eyes at his ever unpredictable mood change.

“hmm… ‘s that right?” You yawn lazily, pulling the blanket over your shoulders before fluttering shut your eyes once again.

“Yea. You know, it’ll take me at least 10 minutes to finish the rest of your paperwork, pulling the car up, moving your luggage into the car, wait for the nurse to get a wheelchair… 20 minutes even. This way you get a few extra minutes of napping and I don’t get yell at.” He exclaims enthusiastically as if he had just found the solution to world hunger. “SEE! I am so husband material. Compromise is the key to marriage, I’ve been told. If only my VP and the board of directors see me now.” He hisses, no doubt rolling his eyes at all his employees, dreaming about sassing them on compromising 101. “And they say I don’t know how to compromise because I’m stubborn as a bull.” 

“Is that what it is, compromising? I think you’re so whipped for me that you’ll do anything. It’s okay, Mr. Let’s go home before we both get yell at cause let’s face it, if we do, I’m using my sick patient in the hospital card and throwing you under the bus.” You feign a few small coughs and he rolls his eyes for the blatant betrayal already even before you tie the knot.

“Shhh. It’s compromising for my lovely wife, okay? And no can do, Mrs. Lay back down. I made my plan and I will see it through.” Honestly at this point, you’re wide awake but decided to entertain his playful antic anyways. After all this time, he deserves some joy, especially deserve to have his way with you back. Truly, you really just want to soak in all that attention he has to give even if all the days after, you’d be side by side until time dies. You watch as he fumbles off the bed, limbs tangled in the blanket before he shoots you a teasing wink and huffs off down the hall to the nurse station. 

The gentle heat of a blush creeping onto your cheeks at the realization that Hanbin is yours, for all eternity, it will be just you and him. Finally you could watch him walk away without feeling your heart being tear apart and it’s the best feeling in the world. Whatever happens now, you know your dear husband will surely shield you from it all as you vow to protect his heart for as long as you both shall live. Whatever happens now you can breathe easy knowing never again will either of you walk along the shadow path of loneliness and that’s enough for you. Whatever happens now, just Hanbin will be enough.


End file.
